To be THIS tired...

[hidinginthetoiletagain]

I am about to turn 41 and have a 13 month old and a 3 year old. They both sleep through the night most of the time (10-12 hours), there is probably a disturbed night once a week or so. They are both very lively and need very close monitoring and lots of interaction/stimulation. They currently antagonise each other far more than they entertain each other (I'm praying this will change!) and neither nap except in the car.

I am not at work currently but will be returning in September. My husband works long hours (60 hours or so a week) but is very supportive and involved when around. My 3 year old is in child care for 2 full days a week.

I am EXHAUSTED all the time. Last night I went to bed as soon as the kids were down at 8 and slept through till 6 when my youngest woke up. I still feel EXHAUSTED. Sometimes I am so tired I feel sick. I am often tearful, indecisive and feel a bit desperate. I have always had relatively mild anxiety/depression disorder (diagnosed at 16) and take medication which has always been very beneficial. I don't feel depressed, just tired...

So, is this just fairly normal for someone with young children in their 40s? I know everyone's energy levels vary and I have always been quite a 'tired' person, but this is a new depth! Does, anyone else feel the same?

It would be worth you getting a blood screen done, check for thyroid problems, anaemia etc.

Thyroid and antithyroid antibodies. If positive you need to be referred to an endocrinologist. It can be common to develop autoimmune thyroiditis after children, especially older mothers. GPs just don't like to accept or investigate this 🤷

Vitamin D needs to be way above the NHS 'acceptable' range as thats for bone health not physically feeling well.

Iron levels.

B vitamins.

Book a GP appt first thing Tuesday. Constant exhaustion is not normal.

I could literally written this except I'm 35!
I have also been feeling so crazily tired recently I did a pregnancy test because it felt like that exhaustedness!

I think it's just bloody hard work!

I think if you are still exhausted after 10 hours sleep there might be something wrong with your thyroid or iron levels.... I get approx 5 hours broken sleep a night with baby but I never feel as tired as you described. Maybe it's also about you not having any mental "off time"? - could you do a yoga class on a weekend or something relaxing for an hour while your DH looks after the kids?

Definitely worth getting your B12 levels checked!

Also coeliac disease can cause utter exhaustion- simple blood test, perhaps if the other vitamin/thyroid screens come back okay?

Ah OK, trip to the GP then! I should say I very rarely get 10 hours sleep (generally 6-7 I reckon) but I thought it was notable that I don't feel any better even after such a long sleep...

I think it is mental rather than physical tiredness. My husband works at the weekend but has the kids on a Wednesday afternoon. I have recently started going to a pottery class then, but tbh, though I enjoy it I'm generally just thinking I'd be better off spending the afternoon in bed! I often go out after the class for dinner with a friend etc. while my husband does bedtime. I love this but come Thursday morning I still don't feel any more rested and getting our of bed seems like a herculean effort...

I'm barely keeping on top of anything in the house and rarely cook a proper meal... (the kids eat fairly healthily but it's often meals like scrambled eggs and avocado on toast rather than something that requires 'cooking').

I'm so tired in the evening I usually can't even face watching TV as it feels 'too much' though I also feel quite wired and can struggle to get to sleep (hence the 6-7 hours as a norm).

Yes get checked out at the gp obviously but I'm not surprised you're tired. A three year old and a one year old are exhausting and you can never switch off mentally if you are constantly having to supervise them...I was in my twenties with children that age and was tired. Sorry, that is not meant to sound patronising by the way.

I could have written this myself too (I'm 36) I find myself so sleepy when my 2 y/o goes down, I'm falling asleep most nights at 8pm (only up now because dd has fallen asleep next to me on the sofa so I'm forcing myself to stay up!). Even after a long sleep I'm still tired during the day. I'm suspecting thyroid issues. Just wanted you to know you're not alone! 💐

This is me too, I’ve beeb going to bed at the same time as my 4 yo for a couple of years now. I don’t sleep long hours and don’t sleep well (my Fitbit shows little time in deep sleep) I think my sleep hygiene could be better but I’m just stuck in a rut. I’ve been in bed since 7.30 mumsnetting, it’s just lazy brain dead exhaustion iykwim?

Sounds like adrenal exhaustion to me. I've had this. I would find a good nutritionist or naturopath and I think it's not surprising you are tired. It's hard work and I was an older mum and when they napped I napped or at least rested on sofa but you say yours don't nap..that's really hard..to be mentally on with a 13 month old. What about a morning or 2 of nursery for the younger one if you can afford it? I did this and it really helped x

I get really tired too :(

The question I would ask is: what is you social media usage? If the first thing you do is SM and the last thing at night is - then I would say that that is your major issue. If you only pop on for 30 mins a day - then it is something else.

I'm feeling like this too, so I really sympathise, but my Dd2 doesn't sleep that well (kind of jealous of your sleepy kids OP, mine still wakes at least 3x a night. Almost at point of sleep training except think I'm actually too knackered to see it through or even think through how I'd do it). I'm thinking I'll need to get checked out at docs as have been thinking recently that this can't be normal......

My hat goes off to u! I'm 39 and have a 5 yr old and that's tiring enough lol

I was the same for several years until 6 months ago. Extremely tired all the time - even after sleeping 10 hours - to the point that all my muscles and bones would hurt. I went to the doctor and she said it could be due to not enough vitamin D. I’ve been taking supplements since then and feel much better. You should go to the doctor.

Me too. I have HSD/hEDS and low vitamin d. You have just reminded me to take my supplement.

And I second a trip to the GP for you for a check up.

Thanks everyone, it's good to know I'm not alone and I will go and have some tests just in case... In my heart of hearts I think I might just find my kids that exhausting... I found one great, but am totally overwhelmed by two! It's the sheer relentlessness of it, by the end of the day I feel totally punch drunk...

I actually think it might be easier when I go back to work in September and I NEVER would have thought that as I have a pretty demanding job (working with children )

I really am praying that they start entertaining each other at some point, or at least not constantly antagonising each other (mainly the big one pushing, shaking and snatching from the little one )