To not iron this shirt?

[whatnow40]

DH says it needs ironing, if I don't do it, he will. DH has a breakdown 3 yrs ago and still takes anti depressants. Today is day 2 of a lower dose.

He needs to learn how to not overload himself with extra tasks/jobs that don't matter and concentrate on the important things. IMO.

This shirt doesn't need ironing. It will be worn under a jumper, outdoors, during an activity day. DS will probably keep his coat on all day as well. Even if the sun does Shoe it's face, this shirt is fine. It's not a job interview, it's a 7 yo outdoor activity day.

Opinions please? He has 15mins to move a car seat, clear rubbish from the car, make a packed lunch and work out where he's going. So as not to drip feed, I'm disabled. Some things I just cannot help with, leaving DH having to pick up tasks like these. I CAN iron, but don't think I should in this instance. TIA

I would just iron the top. I get why you say it doesn't need it but if you think it will help your DH id just do it. I'm quite like your DH in the fact that I can't just leave things, my DH knows this and gets irritated with me but helps me when he can see I need it

If you can't reason with your husband that the shirt doesn't need ironing (and I agree it doesn't), then iron it, just to make him feel better.

I agree - just iron the shirt. It'll take 2 minutes and ease your DH's mental load.

I would iron it. He has mental health problems. Perhaps a bit of empathy?

I agree with PPs. This isn't something I'd make a stand on, it'll take a few minutes and will ease his mind.

That's for the replies, I stupidly forgot the photo! It's not that bad, I don't think?

I've managed to make the packed lunch instead and help with some other bits to ease the pressure that way. He's also been awake since 6.30, reading his phone and leaving the jobs he needs to do until the last moment. I want him to understand the pressure he's under is largely down to his own behaviours, and that he can change them. Being disabled myself, I've had to come to terms with doing things differently, letting go of wanting a perfectly clean house for instance. I can't do it myself, DH can't do it, have kids etc. Not going to happen. Or I could hold on to it and constantly be unhappy.

The photo doesn't matter, the condition of the shirt doesn't matter. Your husbands mental health matters. Iron the shirt.

Looks like it needs ironing to me. What if he took his jumper off? I hate wrinkled clothes. Looks messy

Well I almost never iron.
Bit in this instance I probably would.

Pick your battles - just iron the shirt.

You are absolutely right that the shirt doesn't need ironing. Of course it doesn't. But I think under the circumstances you should just iron it and give your DH a hug.

I'd let the change in medication settle down before challenging his behaviours. On this occasion, i would iron the shirt.

I would need to iron that.

But I also agree it doesn't matter whether it needs ironing or not. If your DH is depressed and by you ironing the shirt will help his mental health, then why would you argue? In the time it took you to type up this post you could have had it done with a smile. Having an argument over it is going to make your DH feel bad. Please, pick your battles, somethings you will need to stand firm over, MH issues or not. This is not one of them.

I wouldn't iron the shirt either but there is a lot more going on for you aside from the shirt.

I very rarely iron anything and I agree with you that it doesn’t need ironing. However, your DH needs it to be ironed and I would do it for the sake of his mental health, it’s probably the kindest thing to do in these circumstances.

I woukd have already ironed it in the time it took you to post! As you say "IMO " However in his he will feel better and mkre relaxed if it is ironed and will actually do it anyway so either iron it or make the packed lunch. Don't be nasty just to make your point

It looks fine to me, but if it's the only thing you can do from the to-do list you both need to get through, I would iron it rather than spend time arguing about it.

It does look like it needs ironing to me, in all honesty!

But even if it didn't...how long will it take to rub an iron over it? And is this really worth a battle if it will cause your husband's mental health to suffer? Really OP? 🙄

Could have ironed it in the time you’ve asked for opinions. People have different standards today your husbands standards are higher than yours. But seeing as a lower dose of meds may be affecting his reasoning just do it and enjoy the rest of your day. If he’s got a list of tasks to do and your capable of ironing it why not?

It doesn’t need ironing to be worn under a jumper. I wouldn’t even iron that if it was the top layer. But I guess the ironing isn’t the issue here. The issue is his mental health. If he is putting pressure on himself to do loads of unnecessary tasks then I am not surprised his mental health is suffering. Priority order:

1. car seat
2. packed lunch
3. rubbish clearing
4. ironing

Would it help him to think like that?

Wouldn't even be a question in my house, if it was washed it would be ironed, stand still long enough in my house and I'd run an iron over you! Love ironing

@SonEtLumiere
*How is he supposed to get better if the behaviours which worsen his mental health are never tackled and are instead facilitated?

I know that sounds goady but it is a straight question perhaps badly phrased.*

I understand where you are coming from and don't feel you are being goady with your question. But having suffered from MH issues myself I can kind of answer your question (from my personal perspective anyway). Sometimes, when you have MH issues, the smallest, silliest thing can seem enormous and totally necessary. So what if the shirt needs ironing in reality? It would feel absolutely imperative, necessary for it to be done. It would feel like the biggest deal in the world for it to be done. Which is of course, ridiculous. For my DH, dealing with me, he would pick his battles. This would be an easy one. Iron the shirt and we can all quickly move on without stressing me out. If I absolutely had to do something like (just for example), wanting to hoover the entire house 2 minutes before we were due to go out, just in case something happened to us and someone had to come into the house to sort it out and I didn't want them to see a mess. Then that was non-negotiable and he would stand firm on us leaving. It's not a matter of facilitating the MH issues, it is working round them and not exacerbating issues if not necessary. Can't speak for everyone, but I'm currently not on any medication and functioning like myself again so it worked for us...

That's just a simple, rushed kind of explanation, but maybe helps?

I agree with the PPs who think that actually, ironing WONT help his mental health.

He needs to be working on letting small stuff slide. Not having someone do all the small stuff. And he could have lessened his load by doing stuff in advance, buying sandwiches from a petrol station (or doing the lunch earlier) and route planning the night before.

Leaving it all to the last minute then panicking and getting the OP to pick up the slack isn’t fair ir helpful his recovery. I speak from experience. I have a very panicky DH who has been on ADs for years. I’ve found standing my ground and forcing him to let stuff slide is harder, but more beneficial in the long run.

(Ps the shirt does not need ironing. It’s fine)

He has 15mins to move a car seat, clear rubbish from the car, make a packed lunch and work out where he's going.

Iron the shirt.
He's got other stuff to do before taking the DC out. Why wouldn't you help?
Glad you made the packed lunch.

Work as a team. Do things you can do and he'll do things he can do.

Be kind.