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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is BU? Me or DH?

49 replies

Sleepycatinthesun · 04/05/2019 07:49

DH has never liked me going out with friends. He’s never stopped me going but he’s frequently sully beforehand, he’ll look me up and down at what I’m wearing to try and make me feel like I perhaps look silly and if I were to ask him if I look ok he’ll just murmur ‘ye’.
I have come to ignore this behaviour over the years and I just get ready all happy and upbeat and leave him to his sulk.
Last night tho really pissed me off. He was due to collect me from the train station after the evening out. I was getting the train at 21.40 and it’s a 20 minute journey. I text him on the platform to say the train was on time and I’d text him as I was leaving the station before so he could leave (both journeys take 5 minutes so it’s a good indicator of when to leave the house).
I text at the usual time 5 minutes before my ETA and got no reply. I got off the train and you’ve guessed it he wasn’t there. I waited 10 minutes, freezing cold and then phoned. He hadn’t had the message so he said so another 5 minutes freezing till I was collected.
I am angry that he knew the train was coming in around 10 anyway so why sit waiting for my message? When it’s him that needs a lift I’m always a bit early to be there as the train comes in. He seems to be happy to use the situation to keep me waiting in the cold. He says he’s NBU as he didn’t get the text and the train might have been delayed. My argument is I’d have text to say if that was the case.
I can’t help feel that this is suitable punishment for me going out. I’m raging this morning.

OP posts:

PamelaX · 04/05/2019 08:45

being sulky is not on.

You raging this morning is not on either.
You can rage about his shitty attitude in general, but not the pick up: he didn't see his text, you didn't see his, total non issue. He could rage about you missing his text just as much, see how childish that sounds?

Baloonphobia · 04/05/2019 08:50

You didn't get his text and he says he didn't get yours. It's just one of those things. YABU.

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 04/05/2019 08:50

For me the amazing thing about this is that you and DH pick each other up from nights out. I love my DH dearly but nothing would make me leave my cosy bed/sofa at 10pm and drive out to pick him up and vice versa . One we are home we are in and we don’t go out again.

Given the above, getting a lift sounds amazing to me and having to wait 15 minutes for it because of a missed text is not a big deal. The stuff around being begrudging about your nights out would bother me more.

CupoTeap · 04/05/2019 08:52

He didn't get yours, you didn't get his, whatever the ins and outs your reaction was due to his attitude when you go out. I would have thought the same. The conversation needs to turn to the real root cause rather than this trigger.

diddl · 04/05/2019 08:58

" I text him on the platform to say the train was on time and I’d text him as I was leaving the station"

So he got the text from the platform?

Seems a bit odd(imo) to then send another imo.

So he thought that you still hadn't left the station in all that time??!!

GabriellaMontez · 04/05/2019 09:00

He didn't get the text! Why didn't you ring him when he didnt reply? Yabu.

Aside from that you may have other problems thst need dealing with.

Fiveredbricks · 04/05/2019 09:01

Not getting texts is bullshit. Texts dont fail to deliver, it's not 2001!!

PregnantSea · 04/05/2019 09:03

You were getting the train at 9:40pm, hardly a wild night of booze and debauchery. Not really sure what his problem is?

I would stop ignoring the issue and address it with him. Ask him why it bothers him so much that you sometimes go out with your friends for a relatively tame evening. Keep digging until you get a proper answer. This needs to be dealt with.

PamelaX · 04/05/2019 09:05

Not getting texts is bullshit. Texts dont fail to deliver, it's not 2001!!

so the OP is bullshitting too then... the plot thicken

HBStowe · 04/05/2019 09:11

In the context of him being sulky about you going out I would say this is extremely shitty behaviour. It sounds like he wanted to punish you for doing something he doesn’t approve of. If that’s the case it’s a very nasty little controlling streak.

Damntheman · 04/05/2019 09:12

Not getting the texts seems reasonable, given you didn't get one he had clearly sent. The real issue here is him being a sulky bitch about you going out. that is not okay!

PillowTalker · 04/05/2019 09:32

Controlling wank.

Shoxfordian · 04/05/2019 09:33

Op, I only needed to read the first sentence to tell you that he's unreasonable. I don't know why you married him

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 04/05/2019 09:53

He sound like a controlling dickhead OP.

What are you going to do about him?

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2019 09:57

Yeah I'm not sure about this, he didn't get the text and he texted you to ask where you are. I'm not sure I'd have went to the train station in the off chance, I'd have assumed my husband was running late.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 04/05/2019 10:05

Not getting texts is bullshit. Texts dont fail to deliver, it's not 2001!!

I'm clearly living 18 years in the past then. Woohoo I'm in my 20s again!

Candleglow7475 · 04/05/2019 10:08

The conversation needs to turn to the real root cause rather than this trigger.

Yes to this ^ how does he explain sulking before you go out? What reasons does he give for not wanting you to go?

swingofthings · 04/05/2019 10:12

It's annoying but as a one off, it's really not the end of the world. Things like this happen. You express your annoyance, the following time, you remind him not to do it again, but you don't brew over it so that you are still fuming the next day.

Topseyt · 04/05/2019 10:19

Not getting texts is bullshit. Texts dont fail to deliver, it's not 2001!!

Utter bollocks! I must be living in a timewarp here then. Low signal, and yes, texts do frequently fail to deliver. Often they deliver very late and can be in the wrong order when they come through.

Check your facts before spouting off assumptions.

OP, I'm not sure you can prove much about the texts. Even if they did go through then it is possible to delete one you have received.

Perhaps the issue is your DH's attitude of sulking when you want to go out. Is he a vindictive type?

Crazycrazylady · 04/05/2019 11:13

L
M

NameChangeNugget · 04/05/2019 11:16

I’m always suspicious of people, who have issues with their partners going out alone. I feel you’re being judged by their own standards.

He sounds horrible

lablablab · 04/05/2019 11:23

It will be impossible to prove whether he was punishing you or not, but the fact that you think this is a possibility and something he capable of doing tells you all you need to know about this man.

His past behaviour is unacceptable and you know he doesn't like you going out. So why do you put up with this? I doubt it will change or get better. Question is, are you being unreasonable to yourself to stay in this relationship?

Brightlightsbigcity · 04/05/2019 13:36

Not getting texts is bullshit. Texts dont fail to deliver, it's not 2001!!

My sister's to me and vice versa are after substantially delayed. By days, last time it happened.

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