I don’t know what I’m looking for here but there’s no one else I can talk to.
I had terrible PND with DS1. Lasted a good 10 months. Pregnant again by 12 months. 2nd baby much harder but not same PND. I’ve had a lot of counselling, anti-depressants and a lot of family support. I’ve been so much better. However my wee guy is now 4 and I find myself obsessively looking at photos of him as a baby/toddler. He’s the most gorgeous, chunky wee squish and it breaks my heart to know I didn’t see that at the time! I’m torturing myself. If he was someone else’s baby now I’d kill for a cuddle. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve. I work full time. I don’t want another baby. I feel like I’m mourning his first year which is ridiculous. I feel it’s getting worse not better. How could I not have loved someone so bloody beautiful? I’m devastated I can’t get that back. Looking at his photos is like looking at someone else’s gorgeous baby. Has anyone been here? What do I do?!