Is dcs dad unreasonable?

[elliot18]

We've been split up 5 years. He moved 130 miles away when we split and his remained there ever since.

He has the dcs every other weekend, they travel to him and we meet half way. Dd is now 7, she was 2 when we split.

The issue is birthday parties!

At this time of year there's a lot of parties going on which dd gets invited too.

She's been invited to one next week which we have declined as dd said she wanted to see her dad.

But she's been invited to another one a couple of weeks after which she really wants to go to - it's one of her very good school friends and it's a unicorn party. She came out of school with her invite so excited.

I spoke to the ex about it and he said she shouldn't go. It's his time and it messes everything up he says.

I told him he should be prepared for this, dd is getting older and wants to be with her friends. It's not her fault her dad lives so many miles away!

Ds would still go for that weekend but dd wouldn't. The party is on the Saturday evening and too far to travel for 1 day. Alternative weekends also dont work either side as he works and plays football on those weekends.

I do understand what he's saying but he needs to understand that she's getting older!

Is he bu?

My exh was told by a judge to stop making plans /agreeing to arrangements with our dc for in my time.
Relationship with the absent dp is more important than social lives of dc to a court. Remember these friends your dc see at school 5 days a week....
I was the dp struggling to have a relationship with my dc.
It's shit to be blunt op.

I hate this, it's not his time, it's your daughters time, it's her life and her childhood. Parties are important to children at this age and she misses plenty because of the distance her dad moved.

He can compromise on this occasion and come and stay locally.

Dc aren't deemed able while young to foresee the long term impact of not seeing a dp regularly..... It's the adult job to....

OP wants her daughter to go to the party because her daughter really wants to go! It’s not like OP is arranging stuff on his weekends deliberately or that she’s expecting him to accommodate all invites as some have already been declined. This is for DDs benefit not OPs!

He chose to move far away from his children when they were tiny. Now they’re older they will increasingly have stuff they want or need to do at the weekend and sometimes it’ll be on his weekends. If he won’t be flexible about swapping weekends or travelling to you to see them near their home then that’s his choice and he needs to live with it not punish his daughter because he chose to move and be inflexible

Will people stop saying he won't miss football for her. The OP says HE WORKS those weekends as well. Something adults have to do to survive and pay bills. So no he isn't selfish and he isn't a knob.

@Beachbodynowayready I see what you are saying but it's so frustrating when it's him that got the dcs in this situation!

He moved. My dcs travel 3 hours on a Friday and a Sunday just to see him. Monday comes and they are exhausted.

He doesn't speak to them hardly through the week.

Ds is autistic which he has ZERO involvement with.

And to top it all off...between October and January he chooses to work instead of seeing the dcs and comes to see them for 4 hours every other Sunday!

I spend my life fighting for them. He does so little.

I'd understand more if he spoke to them more. Or if he knew what year they were in at school. Or if he bothered to ask how parents evening went which I told him about. Or if he bothered to ask how ds is and how he is coping. Ds was even self harming and he showed no interest.

@CloserIAm2Fine thank you! It is not me who wants her to go to the part, she wants to go. Yet I'm being told it's all down to me wanting her to go.

As I said, she's already missing one party next weekend so she can see her dad. This is all her choice. And I'm massively proud of her for being able to think so clearly about what she wants to do.

He sounds like a man child.

His children clearly aren't important to him. She should go to the party.

I had the opposite in our child contact order, it was written in that the children would attend parties and as far as possible ex could have weekends adjusted so he could still see dc, he rarely wanted them two weekends in a row however, and stopped being a dick about allowing the dc to go to parties once it was no longer in his hands.
It was all about control for him.

The courts actually said it was an important part of the children’s social development to be able to socialise with their friends outside of school.

I was also very lucky in that friends and family always tried to have parties on my weekends as much as possible but of course occasionally they fell on ex’s weekends.

My dc do not see ex at all as he was so horrible to them.

Could he not either spend that weekend locally . Or take ds then plan to meet earlier on Sunday partway back to take them out.

Wll he is is prioritising football above seeing DD....

Why would he not want to see DS without DD? It would make a nice change I would have thought. Agree with PP that he needs to understand that flexibility is required as DC get older.

He can swap weekends and take her to football with him and arrange babysitting if he has to work and I certainly wouldn't ever be driving half way because he chose to move miles away.

He still lives at home with his parents and they do look after the dcs but I think they are getting up of it.

He is being unreasonable, he can't expect her to miss out on something extra special just because it's 'his weekend' and he would be very selfish to insist on that or to make her choose, IMO the correct thing for him to do is to say he is happy for her to go and excited for her to be able to attend such a fun event, in doing so he will ensure that she doesn't feel any guilt over having to choose.