AIBU to still love my exdh?

[FuzzyLilac]

Separated nearly 5 years, 4 under 18 dc together.

Both of us have moved on relationship wise but we are each others go to person.

Having 4 dc is hard and 1 DC has SEN so loads of stress, meetings, info passing, mini breakdowns happen so contact between us is daily.

Our split was a friendly realisation that we just were not a couple anymore after 14 years.
We co parent very well and support each other as frankly nobody else gets it.

Talking to a colleague today who is divorced with DC she said "you and your ex are odd. You share everything but a bed".

It has made me question if our set up is wrong.
My DP and exes DP appear to be ok with how things are but I now wonder are they really?
My DP struggled in the beginning. He hated my ex "being so present" in our life however my DC come first and I need their dad in my life to give them good parents so he was given the option of stay or leave.

Exes DP was cold towards me at first but after a few years I think she knows I am not a threat so now when we are together is polite and not awkward.

I see mine and exes contact getting less with each passing year as dc become more independent. I do not want it to go completely but i see us naturally drifting apart. I am just not rushing it.

Sorry for the long post it was not intended.

So AIBU to still love my ex because he is a good dad and friend and i am happy with how it is or should things be more "seperate" and ex like?

If it works, it works. Why are you worrying about a non problem?

The sharing everything except a bed comment seems interesting.
Did you actually work at the relationship when it went downhill or did you possibly separate too quickly?

It's fine. I'm friends with some ex's. lots of people don't get it but if you and both your partners are fine with it then what is the issue?

I've had my ex on the phone today with some problems, he seeks me out for advice. Me and OH were day guests at his wedding and some of his wife's friends were decidedly off with me just because they felt it was weird. One of his sisters told his wife after the fact and she was horrified at them. She invited me to her hen do and I went.

It's nobody else's business

Thank you for the replies.

Did you actually work at the relationship when it went downhill or did you possibly separate too quickly?

Two years.
First year we realised it was going wrong we really worked at it.
Couple time where possible. Lots of communication, trying to fix it, giving each other space then being together a lot!

Year 2 we just gave up. Spent a year leading separate lives.

Given you worked at it then the is obviously enough reason for you to not be a couple and it's great the kids have parents who are also friends.

I can completely see why it could cause jealousy in a new partner at first but they should get over it.

It sounds like the perfect set up for the children, they get to see coparenting at its finest, and are witness to a friendship.
I think your colleague was out of order passing comment, the situation in between the 4 adults involved, you, exdh and dps.

Exes DP was cold towards me at first but after a few years I think she knows I am not a threat so now when we are together is polite and not awkward.

She’s wrong, isn’t she?

She’s wrong, isn’t she?

Yes

The first year we split I still loved him that way and was still attracted to him.

Now when I look at him its like looking at my brother.
I love him dearly and he will always be important to me but we can never be a couple again.