I have a friend who I met over a decade ago in our early twenties. My life has moved on a lot, in various ways, but she seems to be stuck in a bit of rut. We still see each other a few times a month, but the logistics and the stress of it are burning me out a bit.
She frequently suggests "catching up", but never comes up with practical arrangements, suggestions or ideas. It's always up to me to decide where we eat, drink, meet or what we do. If I tell her I'd rather she'd make the decision this time, I'm always met with "Oh, I'm easy, you pick the date/time/place". Last time I just didn't respond, which was a bit mean, and eventually she grudgingly came up with a plan.
When we meet, she's very negative about her life and I feel like most normal things are off-topic which actually makes our conversation quite stilted. We can't talk about relationships (I'm in one, she's not although she'd like to be) or living arrangements (she's renting, I'm not) or work (she hates her job, I'm rather indifferent to mine). She also has a strange way of insisting she always pays for everything. Even halfway through meals, she's popped to the till to pay for everything. Before I was pregnant, she'd often buy another round of drinks whilst I was in the bathroom even though I'd said I didn't want anything more.It's almost compulsive - and other friends have also noticed this.
In short, I feel like the friendship has become a bit of a burden. But I feel bad cutting her out because of our long history, and also because she's actually a good person, but just a very draining one. I wonder if she's suffering from depression, but every time we talk about her life, I feel like we're just going around in circles and nothing new or helpful emerges. I've told her she can talk to me if she wants to, but honestly this has been going on for years now, with the negative approach to just about everything getting worse and worse. AIBU thinking of cutting her out of my life, or at least reducing her to one of those people I just see once a year?