To be annoyed at my friend

[bananasinnighties]

Secretly annoyed. I have not said anything to her. I am prepared to be told IABU as I am emetophobic and that can make me irrational.

I'm pregnant and on lots of drugs for some other things. I have a very low immune system due to this. My friend knows this.

She doesn't know I am emetaphobic.

We are out for lunch and she tells me she was really sick on Sunday with a stomach bug and now just got a message from her mum to say she now has it. Her husband was ill on Wednesday and all the kids have had it prior to that.

She said oh don't worry I have been fine since Monday, otherwise I wouldn't have met you as I know you don't want to catch anything etc.

AIBU to say this was still not okay? Her husband had only just had it. She could still infect me, I feel like I have been put at risk. I'm really anxious anyway due to phobia but also I'm close to giving birth and getting sick would just be awful at this stage.

When were you diagnosed and have you had any interventions for this phobia? What does your GP say? have you had a psychologists referal?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/phobias/

You'll be fine, its a safe period of time and hopefully you didn't share cutlery etc? You have my full sympathy and understanding as my daughter is an emetophobe.

If she had it on Sunday and you only met today you're going to be fine.

But it's Friday? You'll be fine!

Can I gently suggest having some help for your phobia as children tend to be sick

YABU as she's been fine for 4 days. However, I totally understand why this has made you anxious.

I also understand why this has made your anxious but I agree with her that she is fine now as the contagious time for the bug has passed (she won’t catch it again off her husband if that is worrying you).

Yeah loads of time has passed, you'll be grand. YAB a bit U

I didn't share cutlery. We hugged but didn't kiss.

I'm very hormonal ! At the beginning of the year I met up with her and her daughter was poorly (diarrhoea) I ate lunch with them and ended up really sick. This triggered a massive flare in my Crohn's disease and I ended up in hospital. Along with the phobia, a challenging pregnancy you can imagine why I am worried.

Thank you for your kind comments, it's very helpful and appreciated.

I have had hypnotherapy for phobia. Going to try CBT once baby is born.

It's a horrible phobia to have.

It really is but wow just think how far you’ve come to make the decision to get pregnant and have a baby, big stuff for an ementophobe

You’ll be fine lovely. Just take deep breathes and put it at the back of your mind. Find something to occupy yourself. Go on to Harrods website and put everything you fancy in your basket- then have a laugh when you see how much it all costs! My way of taking my mind of something when my anxiety kicks in. It’s a silly game but it helps me🤷🏻‍♀️.

I love the Harrods idea !!!!!!!!!

You're the first ementophobe I've heard of who managed to overcome it enough to become pregnant! Well done, that's huge.

Your friend firstly doesn't know about your phobia and it has been a good amount of time since she was poorly, so she hasn't done anything wrong and this might be the phobia talking.

Keep yourself calm and reassured as best you can. Good luck!

The pregnancy side of having kids is easy (I have anti sickness pills just incase!)

But it's having children when they are ill that I struggle with.

I already have a 3 year old and every night I pray she isn't going to be ill. It's very draining. I am really trying not to let her see my fear because I don't want to pass on my anxieties to her.

Every day is a challenge !!

When I say easy.. it's not, that was silly to say! (This has been the worst pregnancy ever) but I mean from a phobia point of view the hard part is when they are born and ill !

I am also an emetophobe but I wouldn't be massively panicking about meeting someone on the Friday who had been sick on the Sunday, that's a safe period of time

I would be lying if I said I wouldn't be having the same irrational thoughts as you though!

Surprised by the comments about it being strange you being pregnant. It certainly isn't unusual in my experience, I have 5 children despite the phobia. I also have two friends with it and they each have 3 children

CBT helped hugely I think I will always waste a lot of my time worrying about people being sick though, although it has got slightly less all consuming the more children I've had.

No one said it was strange! Everyone was giving the OP praise for jumping a very difficult hurdle

There was a comment about it being strange when I wrote mine, having read it back my post possibly didn't come off in the way it was intended so sorry about that

Completely understand this as I have/had the same phobia. I had a surprise first pregnancy which forced me to address it- (I was absolutely petrified) had hypnosis from a brilliant lady in N London- I was pretty sceptical (she mentioned this 😁) but it was absolutely life changing. I am not 100% cured but I'm 100x better than I was.

So interesting to hear CBT is helpful....would love to hear more about that.

I reckon you'll be completely fine in this scenario. My daughters school sent out an emergency email a few months ago due to a third of the kids going down with a sickness bug but she didn't get it, even though she'd been in school all that week. Try some guided relaxations online and congratulations on your pregnancy!

Seriously unless you've been French kissing her or sucking her fingers you'll be fine.
I get it I'm an emet too, but you have to take chances if your every going to recover. It's reconditioning your brain when in a few days you haven't got ill, your brain will go, okay the danger was small.