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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not share my husband's hobby?

19 replies

treehugger1 · 03/05/2019 13:35

I love my husband very much. Our kids are grown up and have left home.I work full time, he works part time. A few years ago, DH inherited some money and was able to fulfill a long held dream to buy a sailing boat. It is moored about 75 miles from where we leave. He spends many weekends in the winter maintaining it, when it is cold and wet and not really fun for me to hang around with him. In the summer (ie starting now), he would love to be sailing every weekend. I don't like sailing (I find it scary/boring) and like to potter round the house doing various chores. I let him go whenever he wants - and occasionally join him, with gritted teeth, specially when he invites friends to spend a weekend on the boat. I feel like a bad wife for not supporting him more/enjoying the hobby that means a lot to him. I also miss him when he is away most weekends and I don't join him. He has offered to sell the boat - but he enjoys it so much that I have said that he shouldn't. It seems intractable. What do people think?

OP posts:

PositiveVibez · 03/05/2019 13:38

I would do what you are doing now. Go for the odd weekend. It's his hobby. Not yours.

If you're both happy, no problem.

Foxmuffin · 03/05/2019 13:40

It’s his hobby, use that time to indulge in your own passion.

HennyPennyHorror · 03/05/2019 13:45

YANBU. My DH likes surfing...we live in Australia. I spent about 3 miserable days on the beach bored out of my skull before telling him I hated it and didn't need to go with him.

He was fine about it.

crosser62 · 03/05/2019 13:45

Lol “bad wife” then I must be the worst wife ever!
My husband and kids share a hobby that I have zero interest in and I’m not about to start living it because I feel I must!
It’s their time, their thing and I don’t want any part in it.
So not only am I a bad wife but a bad mum too.
Meh.

IsYourGoogleBroken · 03/05/2019 13:47

You sound like my mum! She hated my fathers yacht with a passion, she was terrified of water. But in reality, it was his hobby, he enjoyed sailing it, but really he spent most of his time down the boat yard with other retired blokes, doing what ever retired blokes do ! I reckon he spent less time on the boat than someone playing golf or bowls or up the allotment would spend .

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 03/05/2019 14:03

Leave him to it.

Nanny0gg · 03/05/2019 14:07

He doesn't have to sell it. He just doesn't need to go and use it quite so much

FooFighter99 · 03/05/2019 14:12

I would maybe try and overcome your fear so that you can spend some more time with him, otherwise you may risk drifting apart (no pun intended) and take a book or something else to occupy you while he does whatever it is he does while sailing

I think, if I were in your situation, I would try and learn to like it - only because it opens up the possibility for you spending quality time with your DH at weekends (though not every weekend!)

leckford · 03/05/2019 14:13

Find something you like doing as a hobby. I had sailing inflicted on me from an early age, I get horrendously sick, no you can’t just get used to it. I won’t ever do it again, not only being sick, it is boring and you need loads of really good waterproof and warm clothing as it is always freezing out there.

Ragwort · 03/05/2019 14:16

Of course you don’t need to share his hobby but you shouldn’t stop him doing something he loves just because you miss him at weekends, that sounds rather needy.

My DH & I have completely separate hobbies and interests are we just do our own thing, you need to find yourself a hobby.

woodcutbirds · 03/05/2019 14:20

Sounds fine. Go occasionally, when you have friends around to keep you interested. Let him do his own thing most weekends and you do yours. Just make sure you have something in common that you do together every month, so you don't get isolated from each other. But it sounds like bliss to me. You both get some space and time to do what you want.

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 03/05/2019 14:21

If they drift apart it's his fault as much as hers. No one should compelled to 'try to like' something they've already tried and don't like.

SrSteveOskowski · 03/05/2019 14:25

I let him go whenever he wants

He's a grown adult. He doesn't need your permission

Original poster

treehugger1 · 03/05/2019 14:35

Thanks all, this is confirming to me that I am doing the right thing. And you're right "let him" is not the right phrase. Basically if he wants to go, I am really happy for him. We do do things together (theatre, another activity both of us like). I suppose I just feel guilty that I don't enjoy it and should try harder. But thanks for re-assuring me that that is an U feeling!

OP posts:

justasking111 · 03/05/2019 14:36

My OH goes down to the boat most days. The old guys all like to yak. I go down if the sun is hot, sit in the cockpit with my kindle and join in the yakking. Then we go for a coffee or a sundowner. I do love sailing but not in cold miserable weather any longer.

Let him go he is happy, you are happy to potter at home.

OH has just gone down to his boat now as I type. I am going shopping with DS for a shirt in a bit. Compromise is how it should be imo.

Vulpine · 03/05/2019 14:39

Why don't you move next to the sea then he won't spend so much time away from home

justasking111 · 03/05/2019 14:40

I should say, my neighbours either side retired do everything together. One lot go every day, buy newspapers, M & S butties sit in car, or Debenhams cafe. Sit there eat and read. The other couple do similar. They think we are weird not living in each others pockets.

Purpleartichoke · 03/05/2019 15:09

I like to take art classes and my DH has never once taken a class with me.

He certainly could. The classes are open to anyone. It would be a way for us to spend time together. We could also work on any homework or practice together, extending our bonding time.

Or we could keep doing what we are doing, which is I go take my art classes and hang out with people who enjoy that sort of thing, and then come home and do something with my DH that we can both enjoy.

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 03/05/2019 15:37

Why don't you move next to the sea then he won't spend so much time away from home

Erm, maybe they both like their home, maybe it's in negative equity, maybe it's near their kids and grandkids, FFS, really ? One person wants to indulge in some hobby and the solution is to move house to accommodate it? Get real.

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