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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In not contacting her first, again?

1 reply

theruffles · 03/05/2019 11:44

Just looking for a bit of advice about whether I'm BU and what other people would do...

I've been friends with C since we were 11, over 20 years. We've always been close, going on holiday together and meeting up regularly for catch-ups. She has however always been a bit rubbish at making the first move/contact to get in touch and arrange to meet up. I've felt for a long time that it's always me that has to contact her to make arrangements to meet up or chase her to finalise details. We have a nice time when we see each other but it rankles me that she doesn't seem bothered to make any effort.

I had a baby last year and she did come meet my DD and has been very kind at Christmas with presents for her. I've seen C less than a handful of times since then however and it has only been because I've got in touch and asked to see her.

C and her DH are trying for a baby but having some difficulties so are undergoing tests. I went through the same tests before I managed to have my DD because we suffered from infertility. When I've met up with her since having my DD, most of the time it's felt a little awkward, almost like we're struggling for conversation in a way it never has in all the years I've known C.

If I do text her, the conversation is usually friendly but not very involved. I don't mention my DD much as I've been wondering if C might find it difficult when she's trying for a baby of her own. We had a few years of infertility and I remember only too well the feelings you experience when you want a baby so badly but it's not happening.

I'm not sure if I should just leave it as it is and maybe she'll get back in touch in the future or whether I should contact her and see about going for a coffee.

OP posts:
SavingSpaces2019 · 03/05/2019 12:57

look, she didn't make an effort with you pre-baby and she still isn't.
Instead of continuing to excuse her behaviour why don't you just see and accept that you are far more invested in this friendship than she is?
Stop trying so hard with people who don't care enough to make an effort with you.

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