To cut contact with friend who asked me out the blue whether I had cheated

[cescaeverafter]

Changed my name so as not to be recognised. I used to live with a girl at uni who I considered to be one of my best friends at the time. After uni finished (4 years ago now) we moved to different cities and didn’t see too much of each other but I still considered her a close friend because of how close we had been at uni. I was single throughout uni and had a fair few one night stands and half baked liaisons with men whose names I can now barely remember, also got with a lot of men in clubs - this lifestyle really really doesn’t appeal to me now but I know it is completely normal at uni. She wasn’t as ‘bad’ as me but was hardly whiter than white herself. Anyway towards the end of uni I met my DP. Did have a very drunken kiss with another guy in the early days of our dating but nothing at all since. Anyway I met up for coffee recently with a friend and she asked me with a knowing smile whether I had ever cheated on DP. It was very out of context as all we were discussing was future plans/if we can imagine marrying our current DPs. I said ‘no...’ and made a slightly pissed off face and she said something like ‘hmm ok babe ;)’ as though I was lying although am not. I don’t feel myself to be the girl who shagged some randoms at uni anymore but she seems to and it has made me really uncomfortable, like she was insinuating I’m still going out all the time getting with people despite being with DP? I know I should be able to just disregard her opinion as I know myself and my relationship better than she does but it’s really got under my skin. Even if she did think that it’s a really rude thing to say to someone IMO, it seemed she was laughing at my current life (plans to move into a bigger home and maybe have a baby in the next couple of years) as though I wouldn’t be capable of it.

Stress less about the kiss, people want to get in their high horse, most people I know who are loyal and conservative and married wouldn’t rate that as proper cheating 🙄 maybe in Disneyland. Your married now it’s ancient history. I think all of this is about how you view yourself ultimately. You’be well and truly proven yourself ! Possible she’s jealous and hopping there is something not so perfect about your life. Whatever it is, you do you and forgive her for her human moment.

Nah get her gone. She really doesn't sound like a friend.

I think either she has cheated and wanted to get that into the conversation or she is just a bit immature and wanted to go back to the days of when the two of you would have morning after debriefs from the night before.

I was pretty carefree in the my youth, lots of us were, doesn't really mean anything now I'm settled with kids. Soemtimes you have to kiss a few frogs....

Don't give it any headspace, I don't think she really meant anything by it. It's just a throwaway question?

If someone once gets a reputation for being promiscuous, it's hard to live if down. May be fun sleeping round in their teens and twenties. Not so much fun when someone from their past pops up and let's everyone know what they were like in their youth. Not much fun for their teenage kids who are getting bullied in school for their mum being a 'slapper'.
Seen this happen more than once

If someone once gets a reputation for being promiscuous, it's hard to live if down. May be fun sleeping round in their teens and twenties. Not so much fun when someone from their past pops up and let's everyone know what they were like in their youth. Not much fun for their teenage kids who are getting bullied in school for their mum being a 'slapper'.

God, where do you live, 1952? Do fallen women wear scarlet letters where you live and that's how everyone knows their children are the offspring of a slapper? In my world it's 2019 and a woman having had some casual sex while single is not a big deal!

Well you did kiss someone else while in a relationship so I don’t think it’s a huge leap to think you may of shagged someone to be honest!

It wasn’t really out of context either it’s not like you were discussing prices of toilet roll in Tesco and she randomly asked if you had shagged someone else.

If you don’t want to be friends anymore then just don’t, friendships end for all sort of reasons and people grow apart.

If someone once gets a reputation for being promiscuous, it's hard to live if down It’s 2019 I don’t think people care about this any more. With hook up apps like Tinder etc fairly mainstream now I think more women & men are shagging anything with a pulse than ever before and fair Play to them

Not so much fun when someone from their past pops up and let's everyone know what they were like in their youth. Not much fun for their teenage kids who are getting bullied in school for their mum being a 'slapper'.

Well A) no one from my youth lives in this town because it’s London and prices are astronomical so everyone has moved to Kent. B) I don’t give two shits what anyone else did in their teens, it’s their life not mine and C) kids will call each other’s mums slappers whether it’s true or not.

She was rude and critical. She has her own agenda.

Just thinking actually of another thing same friend did - this was a year ago when me and DP met her for brunch. She made lots of ‘jokes’ in front of DP, can’t remember specifics but basically referencing the amount of people I had slept with before meeting DP (since watching the likes of Love Island when they all say 50/60 etc I’ve realised it’s actually not that high - not that it matters at all). I did tell DP early on what my number was as he asked, but I still think it’s out of order to bring it up over brunch years later.

@pinkhearts5914 I think a kiss weeks into dating someone is a bit different to a full on shag years in though! I know so many of my friends have done stupid things when younger and I don’t berate them constantly.

I'd dump any friend that called me babe.

Sorry, as you were.

She made jokes about your number in front of your DP??? That’s a bitch move. Total no no.

i undertand why she would question it - she remembers you from uni days. Are you just looking for a reson to cut her out of your life?

I am 45 but was a bit free spirited at Uni and in my 20s . That behaviour taints people’s view of you for a loony time . Only now that I am a working mum of 2 In my mid 40s has it abated . Even old uni mates reference it and I am like

It’s just how it is . Trim her or have a word

Don’t bother about it too much

Are you doing well for yourself and she’s maybe feeling a little left behind or that you’re making yourself out to be Miss Perfecf and wants to drag you back to that level and remind you thatshe knows what you’re “really” like, wink wink?

Don’t rise to it, that’s not who you are anymore and you know it yourself. A bit of fun and a drunken snog at uni doesn’t mark you for the rest of your life, she’s doing this for a reason.