To think my sister needs to take a step back

[SpadeFish]

It was my first anniversary last month so DH and I arranged to go on a holiday doing our shared hobby, hill walking. It wasn't a fancy holiday - just a long weekend me and him doing what we enjoy.

My sister also enjoys hill walking and when I mentioned to her that we'd booked this holiday her first reaction was "Oo if I wasn't doing x, y, z I'd definitely come along too". Errr you weren't invited!! I mentioned (again) that this was our anniversary celebration and she didn't mention it again.

She's always doing stuff like this though. She used to always say to me "if my plans don't work out I can always come and live with you guys, right?" and I thought she wasn't being serious but now that DH and I are planning on starting a family (not going so well but I'm pregnant again and hoping this is the one) she's started "jokingly" mentioning moving to our area/into our house more often.

Me and DH live quite far away so I get that she wishes we were closer but it's making me quite on edge imagining her just turning up and slotting herself into my life! I love her but I don't want to live with her!

Just needed to vent really, I definitely won't mention any of this to her as I worry it would damage our relationship.

She hasn’t gate crashed anything, she seems to only want to be close you you?

Your sister has done nothing wrong her but love and adore a sibling, I feel so bad for her that you would feel this way about her 😢

Yes I guess that's right that she's not actually acted on what she says (and that's why I wouldn't mention it to her), it just makes me on edge. I don't know why she does it as when we are together she doesn't seem to like me that much!

True you do not seem likeable, but she does, and wants to be closer to you

I think it's you. Your sister hasn't done anything wrong. I wish my sister hadn't moved 300 miles away and hope one day she'll move back and yes she would just slip into our lives like she does when she visits every other weekend. It's only that often be DM is very poorly.

Your point is?

Your sister has done nothing wrong her but love and adore a sibling, I feel so bad for her that you would feel this way about her 😢

Good grief, this is bonkers. It’s perfectly normal not to want your sister joining you on your anniversary holiday. Who would?

OK I'm glad someone doesn't think I'm horrible! I like my sister but as a sister, I don't want her living with me and DH or joining us on all our holidays.

I appreciate she hasn't done this yet but the way she keeps talking about it bothers me.

Your sister can't just suddenly turn up and live with you unless you allow it. It's a pretty silly thing to worry about.

Maybe I'm a terrible person too, but I am distinctly unappreciative of anyone trying to invite themselves to anything I am organizing. If I want you there, then I will actually invite you!

Who on earth would think it was really totally fine to tag along on an anniversary trip? It isn't much of a step up from gatecrashing someone's honeymoon really.

Hopefully it is just idle talk on her part - a sort of pie in the sky daydream she doesn't actually intend to live out - and not actually any genuine intent of trying to inhabit your spare room.

Good luck with the pregnancy OP a screeching newborn might actually be a good deterrent to her moving in

You sound awful op.

Your sister sounds lonely. Make more of an effort with her.

I keep talking about winning the lottery but I haven't done it yet.

I don't think you are horrible, but why are you stressing about this. She didn't come on your honeymoon weekend. You are over thinking. And if she had of been 'free' a simple - no not this weekend, it's our anniversary celebration. If she mentions moving in - laugh and near or close but not in. Your sister sounds as if she enjoys your company more then you enjoy hers though.

Nobody should decide that they are joining you on your holiday without some sort of invite. Ditto with moving in? Crazy. You need to be better prepared with a response in future.

(((Hugs))) Spade I know where you're coming from

You don't sound awful OP. You know your sister better than we do and it sounds like she says this sort of thing quite often. It seems like her comments make you feel under pressure? What's your relationship with her like in general?

I’ve always spent a lot of time with my sister and BIL. Before I had my DC I used to go round for dinner twice a week. This week we watched GoT together and are going to the cinema. I truly value and appreciate them both as people and all they do for me.

Being this “spinster” sister is tough and your Sis probably just wants to spend time with you. I doubt she really wanted to come on your romantic trip, probably just wanted you to consider inviting her if you were to do something similar in future.

You’re not a horrible person and all the luck with your pregnancy!

If she's just making jokes and never acts on it then I don't think it's worth concerning yourself over. People make jokes and say things they don't mean and go "oh that holiday sounds lovely, I wish I could come with you". It means nothing.