To think I’m a convenience?

[NightKing]

Been in a relationship for a couple of months and I’m starting to feel a bit like he only bothers with me when it’s convenient for him. Would like some outside opinions on whether I’m being unreasonable and a bit needy please.

My bf works night shifts, 4 days on, 4 off. We usually see each other once a week on his days off. The other days he spends with his friends. When he’s in work he always texts me when he gets in, when he’s with his friends I don’t hear from him.

I don’t have a problem with him spending time with his friends but feel a bit like he only gets in touch with me when it’s convenient for him otherwise he doesn’t bother - not sure if I’m being unreasonable expecting to hear from him if he’s with his friends though?

For context he works in security and only has to sit behind a desk when he gets into work so I feel a bit like he only thinks about texting me when he’s got nothing better to do.

Does it sound like he’s not really that interested in me or do I need to be more relaxed about him doing his own thing?

MirriVan I don’t really know, just to feel like he cares enough to check in I guess - god that does make me sound needy doesn’t it

I think often, our intuition is telling us something. You probably have your answer already.

Hmmm hard to say.

My DP and I couldn’t get enough of each other at this stage and were all over each other (meeting at least 3 times per week even if only for 2 hours or so) lots of messaging when either he or I was away...

I’m sure a load of people will tell you yabu and to chill out but I wouldn’t be happy with the set up you have...

I think its reasonable to expect a little bit more than once a week, now you've been together a couple of months.
It sounds as if he has all the parts of his life very compartmentalised and you're neatly slotted in once a week.

I don't think he's really that into you either. But it's 4 months so maybe see what happens.

Both me and DP work in security and we can either text all night or not text at all.

I think you're right.

I am not saying that he should be in touch 24/7, but the fact that you never hear from him when he is with his mates suggests that you dont cross his mind at those times, and that isnt a good sign.

I don't think you sound needy as such OP. Once a week is hardly a lot is it . I think I'd find this off putting in what is supposed to be the honeymoon stage and I'd be especially suspicious if the one day he turns up he puts a focus on sex, then once that's out the way is happy enough to get that once a week and not put in a lot else.

I suspect he may not be that into it on a relationship level as surely if he were he'd be keen to spend more time together. It's the honeymoon stage! I'd be mindful that you get out what you put in and open up a conversation about seeing each other more and see how that goes. I don't think personally I could consider a 1 day a week thing and the odd text a 'boyfriend' so much as very casual dating.

Thanks everyone. It is making me starting to question things a bit that he doesn’t seem to put in any effort to want to speak to me when he’s got better things to do.

I really like him and miss hearing from him (as pathetic as that sounds!) and I just feel like he can’t feel the same way about me if he never instigates a conversation unless it requires no effort on his part and that he can’t really think that much of me/us if he’s happy not to be in touch more.

To be fair to him I did text him last night because I wanted to talk to him and he did reply a bit. But I know he wouldn’t have text me if I hadn’t text first and I think knowing he wouldn’t have cared about not speaking again because he’s with his friends instead shows how little he must think of me.

I’ll talk him about spending more time together and decide on how to move forward depending on his response.

I’m a bit yeah but no but yeah but no about this one.

If this is the only thing bothering you, that he doesn’t get in touch when he’s with his friends, then I think yabu. I’m not a texty person and wouldn’t be sitting tapping out texts for the sake of them when in company. I see nothing wrong there.

If there are other small indications of a meh approach to your new relationship, then yanbu.