This is purely a vent.
I think I’m BU. I just need to be told how to fix up.
I absolutely hate the thought of PIL. They terrify me. I’d rather block them from my mind and live in a bubble where I pretend they don’t have influence on my life.
The moment they get closer to me geographically or emotionally I go into panick mode. I really want my distance but it’s work in progress for my DH and as we have DC it’s complicated.
Problem is I don’t think the way I feel about them is healthy. Because the dark way I see them affects how I manage my relationship. If my DH shows similar traits to his mum I also go into panick mode...
A bit of background. I was a bit of a doormat daughter in law who loved their socks off and let them interfere with my life thinking with time they will grow to trust me and let me be.. I believed in kindness being the magical cure for everything..
Until I realized MIL and SIL were taking me for an idiot and using my daily life updates which they extracted off me to tell DH how he isn’t a “man enough” because he listened to me.. on very basic things. They were slandering me for years and I didn’t know until much further into it.
All of that I was happy to handle.. until my DH gave up with them and decided to draw the line and be a team. It took him a while, because he too believed things just fix themselves with time and kindness...he thought he doesn’t need to tell me about their slander because he was sure this wasn’t his mums nature and she just needs time to adjust..
Until he decided to be respectful and make his own decision.. nothing that affects them, but helps our marriage...
They all ganged up on me. Showed me a side to them I had never imagined. Up to this point I believed they’re just making a mistake because they don’t know me.. but when they ganged up and tried to split me and my husband up through manipulation, I absolutely got slapped in the face with reality. The only thing they held against me is that I became distant...
I’m consumed with a sense of betrayal. They tried to brush things off as it never happened but whenever I don’t toe the line the put me back in my place of “rejection”. So I’m just not putting effort anymore..
I can’t go through more revealing details..
But my philosophy in life is that you shouldn’t let haters consume me. I’m consumed with fear and when pressured by corcumstances to face my fears without reassurances... it’s quixkly turning into hatered.
I’m fair to them. Don’t want them to be hurt. Want them to have a good relationship with their son.
But as far as my son is concerned , I’m protective and the thought that they might one day manipulate him and teach him rubbish and turn him against me... really sends me to rage and is enough for me to lose all empathy.
I want to be calm and collected. I can’t be assertive with them because I’m just an inch away from wanting to see them suffer and when they say snide things to me I just go into full rage mode...
I can’t seem to remind myself that these people brought up the husband that I love. I’m way beyond that because I used to care so much about their feelings as his parents and I feel like I let myself down by doing so.
Don’t know what I’m asking.. perhaps hoping someone went through this and they manage to find their soul.
I was never a hateful person. This experience changed me. I hate to feel my life isn’t within my control..