Ex issues!

[michaela85]

Apologies if this is in the wrong bit but it's my first post!!

Me and my ex split up about 5yrs ago, we lived together and had a son who's now 9. a year after we split, i moved down south to be nearer to my parents.

Since then he has done all the travelling, seeing him once or twice a month for the weekend and occasionally during the holidays. He's paid maintenance, usually around 10% of what he earns. And we kept things kinda amicable.

But problems started a few years ago, he went self employed and his earnings were irregular. Sometimes my payments were late by a few days as he was a contractor and didn't always get paid regularly and i'd have to chase him for it.

So i'd decided i'd had enough, so i contacted the CMS and got them to deal with it. Turns out he had a new job from Feb 2018 and was earning around £20k a year, but my payments never went up at all. So they have calculated that i am owed around £1300 in back payments dating to Feb last year. Since Feb this year he has started paying me the correct amount, but refusing to pay me any back payments.

He bases his arguments on a few things. First one being that while he was self employed between 2016 - 18, he was on low income, around £800pcm, but was still paying me £120 which is about £30 per month overpayment over 2 years.

His second argument is that he has got himself into massive debts, with credit cards, around £14k. And for the last 12 months he's been trying to pay them off, roughly £600 per month, which is why he hasn't been about to up my payments until now. Since Jan this year he has gone onto a debt management plan through stepchange, so his credit card payments have been reduced so now he is paying the correct amount per month.

His third argument is that it costs him a lot in petrol each month to see him. I moved exactly 100 miles away, and he says a 400mile round trip to see him for the weekend costs him about £70-80 in fuel, and that i should take that into consideration.

Anyway my reason for posting is, am i being unreasonable because he has shown me statements etc, i know his finances are a mess, but CMS are insisting he pays the arrears and could take it out his earnings, which he says will have massive implications on him. But it's his own fault he's in debt. And if he asked them to backdate it to when he was self employed and overpaying, will they take that into consideration?

He also says he is going to speak to a family mediation centre to get more access as currently i only allow him one weekend a month because he has school clubs, and birthday parties etc and i don't want him to miss out on seeing his friends. He wants to see him every other weekend, and alternate Christmas as currently he's with me Christmas and birthdays and he also wants shared travel arrangements meaning i'd have to take him up to see him, i'm on low income, i can't afford to do that, will he be able to do that?

Sorry it's long winded but any advice would be great!

Sorry OP, I'm still a bit confused about back payments and CMS going back 5 years.
If you made your application to CMS in Feb 18, then they are only concerned with his payments going forward ie from 2018, they are not interested what he paid you voluntarily in 2017, 2016, 2015 etc.
They should have assessed on income from HMRC, the latest full tax year they could provide if it was before April 2018, my guess is it was income from April 16 - March 17. If your application was after April 2018, it could well have been 17-18 income.
Unless he has been incredibly honest and told them he is now earning more than what HMRC has provided they could ask him for recent wage slips to confirm this and use these to calculate his payments, but again they would not say he should be paying £X amount for 2017, 2016 etc only from when they became involved.
They could consider his shared care and contact costs going forward, (from the date he is liable to pay you from) if he is still doing the travelling now. But there is no way they will be going back over the last 5 years since you separated.

Having re read your OP, and in particular your 5th paragraph do you mean he was assessed to pay (for example) £250 a month from Feb 18, but he actually only paid you (for example) £150 a month, meaning every month he was building up arrears of £100. But now as his PAYE has kicked in (sorry somehow missed the bit about him being self employed) and he has cleared his debts he is now paying you the correct amount? If that's the case then yes definitely you are owed your back payments whether he had debts or not, but again it will only be from CMS involvement not going back 5 years. He cant use what he paid you voluntarily in that period to have his current payments reduced.

CMS do not reduce payments a lot due to travelling.

OH travels over 1000 miles (round trip) to see his kids but only 240 of that is when they are in the car and that’s all they take into consideration.

I seriously hope he takes this to court. You are extremely selfish and entitled. The child is both of yours and you should want to make things easier for him as much as possible so that he can have a good relationship with his father. The fact you want to make no effort says A LOT about you.

As I mentioned before, I sincerely hope he receives decent advice and takes this to court so that an arrangement is made that benefits your son the most.

It is unbelievably shameful that you make no effort whatsoever, despite packing up and taking him away from his father. Many would make excuses of distance, yet he clearly is still trying to do his best and wants to be an active part of his child's life.

There are women who would do so much just so that an ex would be a part of their child's life, and then there is people like you who just want to be difficult and not appreciate what you have.

Your son is entitled to a relationship with his father, and you also need to take into consideration his circumstances. He has continued to pay you, don't be a nuisance and ask for back payments - your ex has been honest with you and is paying you what has been set, and still making effort.

It's time you made some effort too.

Fingers crossed for your ex and son so that they can build a good relationship without you using your child's social calendar as an excuse. That was just pathetic what you stated. His relationship with his father is far more important.

Wow, and each update proves you only care about money and not the important thing - your child having a solid relationship with his FATHER.

Just shameful.