To feel sad about lack of family meals?

[twosoups1972]

Eating together round the table as a family is very important to me. I have 3 dds aged nearly 18, 16 and 12. Eating together has really gone to pot recently for various reasons:

Dd3 is ASD and has sensory issues. She can't cope with people eating so has been eating in a separate room for a couple of years. She sort of copes ok in a restaurant as it's a noisier environment so less focus on eating noises.

Dd1 is away at boarding school and will be going to university soon.

Dh works long hours and doesn't get home till after 8pm. I usually eat with whoever is around and he eats his later.

Lately it's been just me and dd2 at the table. It's ok, we can chat and catch up. But I can't help feeling sad that we're not eating together.

Yes, it’s sad when they grow up. But there are up sides.

Well don't send your dc away to school then.Then maybe dh would not have to work do late and give your dd3 earplugs

Dd1 is away at boarding school

Surely you could have predicted this would mean she wouldn't be routinely joining in at family meals?

Thanks for that helpful post dana

I didn't 'send her away' - she chose this school for sixth form boarding s they offered the courses she wanted to do.

Thanks for suggesting the ear--plugs, wish I'd thought of that

Harsh Dana!

I'm the same OP - DDs late teens, doing their own thing most of the time, in and out the house, staying at mates etc. We manage a Sunday lunch/dinner occasionally but that's about it now.

Have you tried music on to mitigate eating sounds for dd3? It's worked for friends

I have one at uni who also has a part time job and one in the 6th form who also works, has a busy social calendar and lots of sports. We never eat together these days and I do miss it. However, I love having teens more so it sort of makes up for it. And we try to go out for dinner each month for a proper catch up.

When the youngest goes off to uni in September I think I'll be eating alone quite a lot!

@dana you should probably educate yourself about autism, perhaps you won't be so judgmental

stuck we have tried it but it didn't work for dd.

What about a white noise app? Or coffee shop sounds?

I don't think ear plugs for someone with sensory issues is a good idea. Misophonia is a real phobia. I am sure there are going to be treatments for it as it's quite common in autistic circles. Can you arrange for eating together at the weekend with the tv on? It takes the focus off the food noises and other people eating but you are together in the same room. To be honest I'd prefer to have other family time as the stress around making an autistic person do something that they are uncomfortable with just isn't worth it. I'm autistic with two autistic children! How about gaming or watching a film together?
I have dcs a similar age to you and I had that feeling of time slipping away and how we don't do stuff together like we used to.

I mean everyone facing the tv, not at the table looking at each other eating.

lemon sometimes we watch a film together and have pizza. Depending on dd's stress levels, sometimes she can cope with this and sometimes she can't. Dh's eating is the worst for her. I don't think he's the noisiest eater, she just finds it hard. She can eat with my oldest dd so sometimes if she's home, she'll sit and keep dd3 company. I just feel sad for dd3. We do try and do lots of other stuff as a family and I try and build up her self esteem by telling her how much we love her and how great she is.