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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I need advice on babys father..

9 replies

Mum2xx · 01/05/2019 20:52

Hi everyone so I'm at my whits end with the father of my child I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable like he says I am so I wanted some advice from you mums out there.

I have a 7month old baby and a 4year old from a previous relationship. I moved from a different country to be with this man and since I moved home it has been non stop arguing and him telling me I'm crazy and unreasonable for wanting simple
things from him like doing family stuff or even living with us.he does not help out with his son he works long 12 hour shifts some at night so I know he must be tired but he gets 3 days of every week and he always sleeps in on every day he is off till 1 or 12 and I've never once since our child is born been offered to have a sleep in. His daya off are usually spent with his friends or eating out alone or gym time or doing stuff to his car he usually comes over to me late evening when the kids are in bed and relaxes with me and I do enjoy it but then when I say I'm going to bed he will go back to his own apartment most nights he doesnt like to stay at my house as he says he doesnt want the baby to disturb his sleeping at night . I argue with him alot because I think it is unfair that I'm always left to mind our son in my eyes I'm basically like a single mother. He disappears for hours sometimes and says hes with friends and I later find out he isnt. At least once a week after working a day shift he wont bother to visit me because
he says he needs alone time to chill after a hard days work. When he works nights I dont see him for anymore then a half an hour a day.he tells me I'm crazy and I'm asking to much. He usually spends two to 3 hours with us on his days off and if I bring up how little time he spends with me he ignores me for days. Recently he mentioned he was buying a apartment for himself to live in next year so even in the next year he still has no plans to live with us and make it a proper family. I think its strange for our son growing up with his dad living in another house even though we are meant to be together. Thanks for any advice any of you can give.😊

OP posts:
Namechangedcositstime · 01/05/2019 20:54

I don't think you are in a relationship. Is he married? Sorry but he doesn't seem committed to you or your children. Thanks

Beachbodynowayready · 01/05/2019 20:56

I didn't live with ds's df until ds was 15 months.
Resentment on both sides split us up..
You are effectively a single dm op.
Ltb and claim cms ASAP.
Your ds won't miss out on a flakey twat trust me.

Mum2xx · 01/05/2019 20:59

No he is only 25 but has only ever had one previous relationship that lasted a few months. While I was pregnant he broke up with me and started talk to his ex again. I love him but i feel like i am being taken for a fool i do everything for him mind our son and dont complain ever. I cook his dinners I wash his clothes and I ask for abit of time with us and he tells me I'm asking to much and I'm needy.

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 01/05/2019 21:31

Stop cooking his dinners. You are neither his mother or his maid! and he is showing you he is not your partner - hes just keeping you hanging until he gets a better offer. Deside what you want, tell hi if he wont commit to you then you are moving back home.

LittleOwl153 · 01/05/2019 21:32

Or washing his clothes - I missed that gem!

IsYourGoogleBroken · 01/05/2019 21:35

Are you in the UK? If not, can you leave the country you are in freely ie without being arrested for child abduction?

Mum2xx · 01/05/2019 21:50

No I'm not in the UK. I live in Ireland I was living in the UK had a good job and left my previous partner to be with this man and moved home to Ireland to be with him and I'm thinking now I have made the wrong choice. I just dont truly think he loves me or he would support me more he tells me he loves me so many times a day but his actions dont show it. My son from my previous relationship irritates him because he doesnt sleep at night and throws tantrums and he said this is the reason he wont live with me. I cannot talk to him about it or he just walks off and ignores me for days. I'm not sure if he is just immature he has never had a steady relationship before and now he has a child and my child from a previous relationship to take on or maybe he doesnt really care for me I feel like maybe I'm making excuses for him to protect my own feelings because I'm madly in love. Thank u for your replies also xxxx

OP posts:
SignedUpJust4This · 01/05/2019 22:04

He's taking you for a mug. You and his child are just an occasional hobby to him I'm afraid. Move on.

Purpletigers · 01/05/2019 23:49

He doesn’t love you enough. Actions speak louder then words . He will say what you want to hear but his actions will show you what kind of man he really is .

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