To be annoyed with dad and SM

[popsadaisy]

My 12 month old LG goes to nursery 3 days a week until 3.30 (I work until 4.30). My mum picks her up Tuesday, Dad and SM pick her up Wednesday and oh picks her up Thursday. I know her keyworker at nursery quite well and she has told me that she gets a bit upset on a Wednesday when my dad picks her up and doesn't want to leave. I have just put this down to my dad not spending much time with her so she doesn't know him enough but hoped with him picking her up once a week over time this would get better. She's been going to nursery now for over 2 months and every time my dad and sm pick her up they drive around with her until she falls asleep meaning she doesn't wake up until 4.30 and is then a nightmare for me to get to sleep that eve. Today I phoned him and asked him to not drive her round and said she is less likely to get upset if you spend enough time with her and she gets to know you (he then said she doesn't get upset and got very defensive so I left it as I know he's probably a bit embarrassed that she cries when he picks her up) I said also she's very hard to get to sleep in the evening if she has a nap so late so he said he would bring her straight back to mine and not take her on a drive. Anyway I finished work a bit earlier today got home and they were nowhere to be seen! About 10 mins later they rock up and I can see from the car she's fast asleep. They came in and said 'we've been to our house with her so she can play with the dog' (the dog she is terrified of as he jumps and barks at her!!) they then continued to lie and tell me she had lots of fun at their house 'walking along with her pram' (she can't walk and has only just started standing!!) They continued to lie about what she got up to at their house but I felt too embarrassed to say I had seen her sleeping in the car and knew they were lying to me. AIBU to be annoyed that they are lying to me? I feel like it really stresses them and my LO our them picking her up on a Wednesday and part of me just wants to say they don't have to do it anymore and I pay for her to stay an extra hour but I don't want to upset them! What would you guys do?

I pay for the extra hour. If they are just letting her sleep at that time and it's making it difficult for her to sleep of an evening then it's not working for you, so just keep her in daycare the extra hour.

I don't really get why they do it? Is it that they don't really want to be looking after her?

I would thank them for their time but say it is not required anymore and you have jiggled a few things around.
I doubt they would be upset they don’t seem to enjoy the time with her if they are just driving around to get her to sleep. I.e so they don’t have to ‘deal with her’.
Your dd probably senses the dislike and lack of caring.

I think 3 pick ups are too many, too confusing for the child and supervised visits would be better for getting to know her grandad. I would stop this now.

Ooh. Slightly tricky.

But, yes, you need to pay for an extra hour of daycare, unfortunately.

It doesn't sound like your dad and SM have any idea how to care for your DD.

I'd definitely be paying for the extra hour, sounds like they aren't interested in spending any time with her and it's probably just an inconvenience to them. They will probably be happy to stop.

They're ignoring what you're asking. They're not respecting the child's needs. They're just doing what they want, regardless. I wouldn't be hapoy having people who treated me and my child like that looking after my child (which is why my own mil and dm aren't allowed to do childcare).

What everyone else said.

But if you want them to get to know each other, it would be better if you were around to facilitate that.

She needs consistency, too many different picking her up.
You rarely get the exact child care you want for free.

You won’t change them, get someone else, let them be grandparents whilst you are around, instead of childminding whilst she is tired. Not surprised they let her sleep. If she is crying and tired, it’s extremely hard to avoid sleep when a child is in the car.

Why don't you pay for the extra hour and take her to them when you are with her. Hardly going to be able to get to know her in an hour or so once a week. Sounds confusing for her and stressful for your dad tbh.

You can't be annoyed that he wants to calm her down and get her off to sleep when he's doing this week in week out to help you out.

Agree with the others. Pay for the extra hour and if your dad is interested then they can get to know each other when you are around too. I wouldn’t want my child to be in the care of someone who lied to me like that.

Thanks everyone I think I will speak to the nursery about her doing an extra hour. I do take her to see my dad every spare opportunity I get I call him to see if he is free and quite often he isn't. When I was on maternity I used to call at least two times a week because I knew he was picking her up and wanted them to get to know each other. I am genuinely very grateful for their help thus far just upset they would lie to me about her sleeping, they'll never properly bond with her sleeping and not spending quality time with them. With regards to more than one person doing pick up she knows my mum and her dad very very well (sees them everyday so I don't think them taking it in turns to pick her up is an issue).