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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want final say on where DD goes to sixth form?

29 replies

Thatdilemma · 01/05/2019 17:28

This is totally outing but I need advice.

Before anyone jumps in let me explain! Apologies for the length.

DD changed school due to bullying when she was 13. She has always found school difficult, been very quiet and shy and unconfident due to her SEN and social skills.
There was a school nearby which was a lot smaller and we felt would meet her needs (some Sen) better as a result.
Academically she struggles but was easily on target for C/4 grades and higher in a couple of areas.

The first six months were wonderful. It's very small, the staff know her well and she was getting Sen support she had been missing elsewhere.
She was happy at school for the first time in her school life and seemed to be thriving. I was being told all the right things about her grades. She had consistent friends for the first time too.

The next months were a nightmare. Firstly DD started to not focus and chat with her friends which we all took as a positive sign social development wise but needed to reign it in. Secondly she made friends with a girl who has some quite serious issues mental health wise and we had a lot of problems with the effect on DD which I didn't feel they dealt with well.

School then was put into special measures in every area, lost around 80% of its staff and struggled recruiting both pupils and staff.
We had a turbulent time, some teaching wasn't good enough , all but one of her teachers changed including the head and Senco and it was a nightmare.
Dd didn't cope at all and was horrendous at home, exploding all the times, refusing to go, refusing to stay in noisy classes, panic attack in school etc.
Still throughout this apart from Maths which went from a 5 to a 2 I was told 4 and 5s still.
Up to February half term this year now in year 11 she was still kicking off at home constantly about school and literally counting down to leaving on a reduced timetable.

In February of this year suddenly it all changed.
She went back to being positive about school and trying again. I've no idea what the change was although I suspect a friendship change and the new Senco finally seemed to gain her trust.
However she did her mocks in March and her grades are awful. We are going to be lucky to scrape 2/3s.

She has place offers for level 3 based on her predicted grades which are nowhere near where she actually is but they will put her on a lower course.

At parents evening it was mentioned if she stayed in sixth form she could continue on to Btec level 3 as she is currently doing a btec level 1/2 and they know her.

DD has decided this is a great idea because..

She loves the Senco
She knows the route and building.
She likes the staff member of the btec subject and English teacher. (Both are great to be fair)
It's familiar.
She could do two years instead of 3/4 at college.
The Btec teacher does get good grades.

I have issues because :

She has drove me literally to the brink exploding about school at home and we've had this 'honeymoon period' before.
The numbers are so low that there is a real possibility sixth form could close. A local one with only slightly lower numbers has.
The Senco could leave as could the teachers she likes.
I don't feel in many subject areas they were honest soon enough about how poor her grades had become.
The 'millions of pounds of amazing equipment' they boast about has never been used by DD since the open day! Teachers have moaned because there have been financial issues (DfE investigated them) and they've not been able to order what they've needed in some areas.
She HATES the maths teacher and has clashed all year with her and I feel if she got her for resits it would be detrimental.
Obviously entirely a minor point but DD hates things about school which she would not experience at college.
I also feel college would have given her a bit of space to find her own identity and people like her and a bit of space to grow up and she will still be treated like a child at school..

Help!

OP posts:
ExpletiveDelighted · 02/05/2019 12:11

Yes, I thunk the college L2 BTECs are equivalent to about 3 GCSEs, the L3 BTEC entry criteria for colleges here is a merit in a college L2 BTEC plus maths/english at grade 4+ OR 5 GCSEs at grade 4+ including English/maths.

ExpletiveDelighted · 02/05/2019 12:12

I wouldn't worry about the reapplying to college in a year either, I suspect this sort of thing happens all the time and they are all keen to recruit students.

MargoLovebutter · 02/05/2019 12:19

I think you need to talk it all through with her carefully when she is receptive. May well have to be over several conversations. I often used to find talking about "other people" helped, as it seemed to take the heat out of it all a bit. As in, "I've heard other people find the 6th form a bit restrictive....".

Get your DD to think it all through and look at the pros and cons in the best way that she can. Get her to think about the issues you can forsee and see what her reactions are.

I really do sympathise as I have had similar issues with my DS, who is autistic and has specific learning difficulties and tends towards similar extreme swings from wonderful to nightmare etc.

Whatever, she does decide you then have to support, even it if wasn't your preferred option! Hope it all works out. DS is at uni now and still struggles to find the middle ground.

averythinline · 02/05/2019 21:18

Maybe if you talk to teh college about the reapplying situation that may help how you feel about that......the one near us is so much more sympathetic to DC with SEN and flexible (not sure they have ever turned anyone down ever!) hope it stays taht way as my banker for DC ...

some of her starting independence will come from feeling that she owns this decision ....

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