Knowing what I know now...what would I do differently

[whatacrapusername2306]

Genuinely interested in what people would change in their lives if they could go back and change the past.
I have a few things....really wish I had listened at school, didn’t prat about, got better grades/further education and a decent job. I was also boy mad in my teens. Dated some wrong uns and got heartbroken many times. I thought every one was the love of my life

Same as you about school. I could have gone to uni but ended up dicking about, fucking up most of my GCSEs and dropping out after my first term of A levels.

Then I made a huge mistake of moving to an entirely different country when I was 20 with a guy who turned out to be a physically and emotionally abusive fuck up, broke my heart and left me unable to return home due to burnt bridges.

However...both those things led me where I am now which isn’t a bad place to be at all.

i've been too passive through most of my life, but particularly through my teenage years.

this meant that i picked easy option A-levels and uni degree, which i wasn't really passionate about or motivated to do well in.

this followed on into my working life.

in addition, i stuck in what wasn't really a healthy relationship for too long, eventually getting married and having children, getting to a point where extricating myself was impossible.

this led to an extremely difficult period, which caused DW and me a lot of hurt. we have worked through this now, and are in a much happier place, so at least this has worked out ok eventually.

but professionally, i turn up, do my job well enough to avoid losing it, but have no motivation or enthusiasm for it. my responsibilities are too large to start something new (and would have no idea what anyway).

weirdly though, this passivity is only about my own feelings/needs. i work extremely hard at home, sharing all the workload there, and have put a huge amount of effort into making my marriage work.

it frustrates me no end, but is too late now.

I wish I'd studied languages, and politics or law instead of literature and media. I wish I'd moved abroad and worked for the UN/ECHR.

I wish I hadn't been so invested in the idea of a relationship and had been single more. I wish I'd ever lived alone, not always with family, or other students, or with a partner.

However, scratch both the above, as if those things had happened I wouldn't have my daughter and I'd change nothing about that.

I wish I had called my mum the night before she killed herself. I wish I'd been more available when she was struggling instead of being so swept up with my first baby.

I wish I'd said 'we'll see' instead of 'no' when she asked a few months prior to her death if she could sell her house, add the proceeds to our deposit and come to live with us. I felt like being straight with her was the right thing to do, and that I should protect my daughter from living with a depressive alcoholic. But if I had known what would happen, I wouldn't have made that choice, I would at least have tried to buy some time.

oh, and what is worse, is that my DS is exactly the same (though young enough that i can at least try and help him/nag him)