To be feeling frustrated by the school behaviour system?

[PFB2]

In DD's school. They operate a behaviour system. At the beginning of the day, all children are on 'ready to learn'. If they do something good, they move up the chart to 'good job' and they can then move to 'superstar' if they do something else good. If they get on superstar, they are given a sticker and are first in line when they leave the classroom at the end of the day. If they make a mistake, they get moved down the chart to 'think' (for example, not tidying up when the class are asked to etc) for bigger mistakes, they are moved straight to 'time out'.

DD is a pretty well behaved child. She has never been on timeout since starting school in September and has been on think maybe 3 times (mainly for getting dressed too slowly after PE). She has been so upset anytime she has ended up on think. She gets moved up to good job on 50% of days but has only twice been on superstar. Now baring in mind, there are children put on superstar every single day. A while back, DD got very upset that she had only been put on superstar once so I had a chat to her about it and in the end, she spoke to her teacher and as a result, was put on superstar that day. That was months ago and that was the last time she got put on superstar. The other morning, she said "mummy, I wish I could get on superstar. I try really hard but I'm not one of the best kids. The best kids get on superstar but I've only been on twice so I'm not one of the best". I have told her that I'm happy regardless and I know she's doing her best but I'm just frustrated that a system designed to improve/control class behaviour is teaching her that her best is not good enough.

AIBU to find this upsetting? Should I speak to the class teacher about this?

She's in reception, I forgot to say that.

Bump

I think all reward systems have weaknesses. I remember DD being gutted in Reception that she was one of the last kids to be star of the week because the teacher seemed to award it to the disruptive children first to get them on side.

It maybe couldn't hurt to have a word with the teacher and tell her DD is upset that she's trying her best and maybe ask that there is also recognition of effort. And tell DD to keep doing what she's doing and that you know she's always a superstar to you

I agree these things aren't used in the best way. My ds is a very good boy at school. The teachers always say he makes all the right decisions is a brilliant friend and tries really hard with his work. He has had a assembly achievement once. In my view the more naughty children get it a lot more for behaving themselves for a few days or trying really hard once. Unfortunately I think the good children get missed which is a real shame.

I have seen this from both sides as my older ds was quite disruptive at times in lessons when he found the work difficult. He had a lot more achievement assembly's than my youngest.

That's another point. She finally got a gold award last week. Definitely one of, if not the last in her class. It just seems a bit demoralising if those who behave all the time get less recognition for behaviour than those who miss-behave often.

I think it can be quite damaging to children to teach them that the only reason to make good decisions is so that you can be rewarded for them.

Whilst it’s nice to receive acknowledgement for a job well done, the quicker a child is able to self praise the better it is for their own confidence. Constantly seeking affirmation ultimately leads to unhappiness because her best won’t always be enough for others, if she can be encouraged to see that it’s enough for herself, you will be doing her a massive favour.

My dd's school had a great system IMO. All children if their behaviour was good got time in the school woods to play on a Friday afternoon. If they misbehaved they didn't automatically get the playtime but they could work towards having it reinstated. The always good (but often not noticed and missed out on stuff) children always got their extra play. The others had to actively make a change in their behaviour. Helping in the class, it really seemed to be a system that worked.

I've explained to my daughter that what's expected to get to outstanding (in her school) is different for each child in the class. So for some children sitting still during register could be outstanding, whereas for her going and playing on the bikes outside might be considered outstanding as she normally likes to sit in and practice her writing. She seems to understand that. But do chat to the teacher as the well behaved kids can get missed!

Wow, well put PinkyU it only took me 3 decades to learn that .