To ask DF to ditch the plastic for DCs birthdays

[jamoncrumpets]

I have 2 DC under the age of five.

DF has form for buying the kids lots and lots of plastic toys for birthday/Christmas. His partner's family go in big for these occasions and buy LOTS of stuff, and he does the same for my DCs.

To illustrate, for his Christmas present this year my DC1 had two of those jumbo Christmas gift bags packed full of plastic vehicles, flashy toys, play sets. It took DC1 forever to unwrap it all, and in the end we had to abandon it and go back to it later because he got completed overwhelmed by the amount of stuff. He is autistic and doesn't tend to play with toys like this. In fact since he got them hasn't played with any of the toys. He prefers books and art stuff. He has never played with cars and yet DF has bought him nearly 50, yes FIFTY, different vehicle toys over the years.

My car boot was full of packaging for the above at Xmas, I had to take two trips to the tip to dispose of it all.

DC2 is coming up to their first birthday and I just know they're going to go in huge again. DC2 will be turning one and really doesn't need much more than a few activity toys and some new lift the flap books.

I sound ungrateful, and i probably am. But it is just stuff. And it's stuff that my kids neither want nor need. Very little thought has gone into it, and it inevitably gets given to friends or the charity shop.

What would be really great would be some money to go in the kids' savings accounts that we could use for trips/days out, or even towards bigger things like outdoor play equipment. And maybe one or two small toys or books.

I tried once to request this, and DF said he would give us some money towards a trampoline but then turned up with a boot full of stuff that looked like he'd looted a toy store.

I can just see this going on and on and on, and I want to knock the trend on the head before the kids get too big and learn to expect tonnes of stuff on special days.

I guess AIBU to not want all this stuff in my house? Any tips for broaching this with DF much appreciated.

Oh btw, FUCK OFF DAILY MAIL, I do not want you anywhere near this thread

No tips I'm afraid just sending you lots of luck.
If he's anything like my mum he will have bought it all on sale far in advance!
Can you suggest national trust membership or to a nearby platform type place?

*playfarm

It's not ungrateful. My sister was the same when mine were little and Christmas in particular was too overwhelming for DS.
We made small changes - not opening everything on one day but saving some which had the added bonus that they actually had time to play with toys. I spoke to my sister and said she had to provide storage as well as the toys - that slowed it down!

In your case I'd be inclined to talk to your Dad with the facts - I'd be surprised if he realised he'd bought 50 cars! Turn it around and explain that you don't like to see him waste his money. My mum said to my granny
"When you open the door to the children do you want them to look at your face or your hands?"
That one sentence had quite a profound affect and the over-the-top presents stopped.

I think his partner buys them in advance, she's savvy like that. And I love her and my dad to bits but we just don't want or need any of the stuff they buy.

My Daunt was like that with me when I was younger. Most of it was just tat just put into the jumble sale and it became a running joke.

if you know your df's partner does the shopping maybe go talk to her explain the effect of so many gifts has an your autistic son, overwhelming him and that he doesn't really like cars etc, explain that ds2 has the use of older sons toys at 1 he doesn't need more, I think rather than say no stuff at all money instead, i'm sure they'd feel like they were doing him out of presents if they are used to turning up like Santa with sacks of gifts, i'd be giving them suggestions of alternatives he'd like maybe toys for garden I found ours were always wrecked and had to be replaced often, don't take the joy of being a bountiful grandparent just try to guide them into more useful stuff

I always worry about one's position being misunderstood on these matters, especially with family members. In your shoes, I will keep what I want and regift or donate what I don't want.

I don’t think you’re ungrateful. I pretty much had this conversation with my mum - mainly because I’ve not got space for all the plastic toys.

She now buys books and Lego.

My family tend to do too much as well. I've told them they need to buy things only from a list to avoid duplication with the other side of the family and unwanted toys, then gave a list of 6 broad groups (e.g. "wooden toys with some kind of stacking capability" and 2 specific things. Miraculously, everyone except one person actually stuck to the list and we got a brilliant haul of toys that are used every day. I do the same with clothes; send a list of things we need plus sizes and they are allowed to do the detailed selection within the limits (e.g. 2 bright coloured or patterned short-sleeve tshirts age 2-3). They still get the fun of selection, but I end up with less crap. So you could try that? I've no idea what to do about the one in our family who mostly ignores the list (I've never said I want chocolate for the baby yet every time there it is!) or goes freestyle (chalks instead of "crayola crayons for 12+ months", which is fine but then they can't be used for over a year because they aren't safe for even an occasional nibble).