To feel sad and lonely that I have no family

[Humpy84]

I am in the process of leaving my husband for reasons that I think most people would agree/understand.

I have one toddler and he is an only child. I would like to have more but my relationship is obviously not strong enough.

My father died when I was 23 an he is from a family where everyone lives around the world and seldom speaks.

My Mother is alive but lives 4 hours away, she is a difficult woman. She was cruel to us as children and I suspect has some sort of personality disorder. Speaks about her never ending dramas non stop and rarely gives me advice or listens to my issues. She adores my son but doesn’t follow my instructions or routine when she visits and it is a strain to be around her. Her life revolves around her and there is kindness in her but she doesn’t act like a typical mother and expects me to be her support and treats me more like a friend that she is happy/angry with depending on the advice i give her. She can be kind but its as though she always expects something back and even my husband noticed this. Her family is also dysfunctional and nobody talks to each other. All of my extended family are extremely political.

My sister is extremely mentally unwell and has been nice i was 13 andshe was 16 and worked as a prostitute. It is a very sad situation. We are from a middle class background but she was abused as a child and my parents rarely gave her attention and kicked her out Between their homes when they wanted to e with new partners, which was often.

I have spent the better part of my 20’s trying to help my sister but it has not worked. She has been in and our of mental hospitals for many years. Recently smashed windows with a metal bar when my toddler was a baby and we were inside the house in order to terrorise her. She was paranoid at the time but I’ve had to cut contact.

My toddlers father/soon to be ex husband is from loving, big family. They’ve been wonderful in-laws for the most part but I’ve had little to do with them as my relationship has been deteriorating. They are wonderful to my son and i love that he will have that big family no matter what.

I have friends but nobody that i feel is really there for me, people have their own families and lives. I wish i had a mother , the sort that stuck her one into my life and came over for cups of tea to give me common sense advice.

Will i always be lonely and what would you do ?

I'm so sorry about your current situation and how you're feeling. I am bad at helpful advice but just want to encourage you that it's 100% possible and plausible that things will get better for you. You never know what or who is round the corner. Hug

My Mother was never like a Mother, I have a couple of older women friends who are old enough to be my Mother. One of them always wanted a DD and we have said we fill those roles for each other.

Hi I could have written your post. I don’t have any siblings and no aunts or uncles, just one grandmother alive but very unwell.

I’ve no friends either as life dragged us in different directions and now I can’t seem to meet anyone. I’ve come to accept this is my life, I depend on me. I’ve no one for support or just a general chit chat & that’s fine. I look forward to the future & hopefully meeting some new people who will eventually be friends.

Keep positive & think about your child & how lucky he is to have you as a mum. You’ll always be able to be there for him & one day he will add to the family.

Why don’t you get along to your local residential home and do some visiting with your son ( i know it seems odd) but they will literally be so happy to be around you and your child. A kind of adopt a gran. Your child gets the benefit of mixing with older more stable elderly generation and you bring lots of joy too. I used to manage care homes so I speak from that experience.

I've had to learn the hard way to stay away from people who worsen my mental health. I'm lonely now, with no friends or partner. But I also have freedom and am sane. Maybe in time I will find some nice people but if not, it's not the end of the world. You will probably find a nice new partner. You are lucky to have a kid, I don't even have that.

I hope things worked out for you op… I’ve just come across your thread and so much of it strongly resonated with me. It can be so hard and lonely raising a young family when no one / almost no one has your back.
My Mum is similar as is one of my sisters. My Mum is now choosing to move 5/6 hours away, to be near this volatile sister, even though we’re the only ones with young kids, my sisters kids are all grown up.

I’m exhausted and have been consumed by angry grief. I’ve moved through it now though, and it’s just a sadness now.

I know how you feel although both my parents are dead and I have no siblings. My son's dad is the person I see/speak to the most despite us having been separated for 5 years and then it is mostly about DS - although we do get along. I have a couple of surviving aunts and an uncle and some cousins most of whom I only see/speak to at funerals.

I do have friends including some lovely mum friends who I met when DS was small/in primary school and we keep in touch and meet up even though our kids are no longer close. These wonderful women became my support network when DS was too young to stay home alone and although I rarely had to call on them I knew and still know that they would be there if I ever needed them.

I am often lonely though and it can be especially hard when friends are involved in stuff with their families which understandably comes first for them.

Just realised this is an old thread. How are you doing now OP?