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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be questioning our friendship

4 replies

FairyF1 · 01/05/2019 00:47

I have been friends with someone for over thirty years - since we were at school. I’ve always thought she was great- our families have holidayed together, nights out etc I’ve also supported her through her divorce and when her Mum died. Unfortunately my father is terminally ill and , as an only child (parents are divorced) , I’m trying my best to help him through it but I am struggling. I am conscious that with all the emotion I may not be being rational so I’d be grateful for your thoughts.

My friend has also been experiencing relationship issues- her boyfriend broke up with her (he dated someone else over Christmas), they got back together and now are engaged. It’s all a bit of a whirlwind but she’s very happy so I’m happy for her. However she has been a bit rubbish with me. When she split up with her bf she was on the phone 5/6 times a day and in the early hours- last month I didn’t hear from her once. Not even a text to ask how my father is. She has been in touch this week to agree a time to speak (we live miles away from each other) but each time something else had cropped up so she couldn’t call (she fell out with her daughter, son needed picking up, went out for a meal with her bf) etc ). She has done this before (in January) and I told her how it made me feel / that I was hurt that during such a difficult time she couldn’t even just send a text to ask how things were. I feel like my energy should be focused on my father at this time and that I should just forget about her . Am I being unreasonable? Im pretty certain if I cut off from her now there won’t be any way back for our friendship but I am pretty hurt.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 01/05/2019 01:07

She is what you call a " fair weather friend. " She's only your friend when it suits her needs. If she's doing well, your problems don't concern her. Break away from this selfish twat. You won't be missing anything.

twomadefour · 01/05/2019 01:11

Agree with pp. She is causing you unnecessary stress at the time when it would be nice to have her by your side.
Just cut contact or begin by not pandering to her dramas. And let her know how YOU feel!

OldAndWornOut · 01/05/2019 01:16

I found the same thing with most of my friends when I went through a horrendously tough time.
I think the novelty wore off after a while when my life still resolved around prescriptions, hospital appointments, and not being able to be available on tap as I had been.
It does really hurt, and my eyes have been well and truly opened.

floraloctopus · 01/05/2019 01:32

People always show their true colours when a friend needs them. She's showing you her true colours and they aren't pretty.

Sorry to hear about your father.

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