Should I be concerned that a friend put a named photo of my DC on her Facebook page?

[mm22bys]

Hi,

A friend (without children) sent me a message through Facebook - it was a link to her "favourite photos", one of which was a photo of my DS1, who she named in full.

I asked her (nicely) to re-tag the photo so his name's not in full anymore.

AIBU, or just paranoid (I don't mind the photo being on there, just his name...)

Haven't people been "cyber-stalked" as well?

Anyway, I got an email back from my friend, and she has changed it already, and understood completely, so all is good.

Re Facebook, I don't see the point of it either, I don't really have the time to get too involved with it!

I understand the fear or the "weirded out" factor of the possibility of having someone take a photo off the web and do strange things with it but does that really happen? With all the millions of photos wandering around on the web, what are the chances that some weirdo would get your photo? And, why does it make it worse if there is a name attached to the photo?

I'm not trying to be difficult. I do sympathise but I just don't really GET it.

I don't really get it either. I have pictures of my dds on facebook, only people on my friends list can see them though. There are billions of images on the net - i can't see what someone could do with a podgy baby picture or a toddler playing with paint or whatever.

At the end of the day someone could take a photo of your child walking down the street and photoshop it, it's easy to do.
If they did (which is highly unlikely) but if they did it wouldn't actually harm your child would it?
My dcs and friends all put photos of each other but use nicknames on their blogs but I remember having a similar reaction to you the first time I saw my dd1's face on a blog (totally overreacted and asked the friend to remove it). I think it was just a shock and I felt vulnerable but have gotten over it now.

Sorry forgot to add - you are not being unreasonable to ask her to change the name if it bothers you though - and IMO she should have asked you first xx

I wouldn't really have a problem with my dd's photo being on facebook, but I would never put pictures of a friends dcs on there without permission, so YANBU.

My BIL is a photographer and has a couple of pictures of my dd's on his website.

I do think there is a tiny risk that someone could adapt the pictures into something more sinister, but someone could take a photo of your children while you were out without you knowing and do the same.

Mezzer, I am not so concerned about photo-manipulation, more about the identification factor.... it's not too difficult these days to put lots of information together from various internet sources...my DSs name was on there, I don't know how she has her page set up so I don't know if "anyone" can see her photos, my name is on her page as a "friend", I have down that I am in London (big place I know) but I am sure you can find out a lot by looking at our mutual friends....

heck now I'm sounding even more paranoid than I actually am....which I'm not (honest!) - otherwise I would have just asked her to take the photo down (which I didn't...)

What about child modelling, there's a whole thread on it - dcs pictures being used in say the ladybird catalogue or whatever, circulation of tens of thousands, the childs name is mentioned along with the agency, lots of pictures of hte child tottering about in vests. I've not heard of it being seen as dangerous or likely to lead to stalkerish wierdos. Having had a stalkerish wierdo in my life i'd say these things are random and fairly unavoidable if a nutter is involved, and not often linked to someone seeing an innocent snap shot of a child on the internet.
If you're uncomfortable then i think its totally fine to be careful, but i just don't quite undestand the threat.

mm2bys - I'm sure she just didn't think. I did the same thing once...

I included a photo of one of my dear friend's dds on my photo page ages ago. I did it because I took the photo and thought she was the most beautiful child ever. I also stupidly put on the her full name and their last name is very unusual. Of course they asked me to remove the name and I was very apologetic.

Now I have DS (and think he is the most beautiful child in the world) and am no longer so naive about personal info on the web...

So YANBU unreasonable at all.

i've got picture of ds on here with his first name and on facebook with his first name. but just realised MY surname is on facebook so therefore its easy to work out his full name. do you think i should change it to a nickname? but then on my wall people always say hows toby. should i delete those too. hadn't ever thought about it before so glad you posted this.

AFAIK, this is actually a breach of the data protection act. You are not allowed to identify people without their permission, and a photo plus a name would certainly amount to this.

Have you asked her to remove it?

so you can put a photo up but not a name?

An organisation wouldn't be allowed to do this. The point is to not use data that could identify a person, and clearly, you can id someone from a photo. Any organisation would need the individual's express permission (or, where relevant, their parent/carer).

Not sure how the law applies to individuals.

oh so you can't even put up a photo without a name.

definitely wouldn't be pleased so YANBU

not unreasonable. it's your son at the end of the day, if you dont want it there or at least his full name, she should respect that and remove or retag it.

I made the twins take every family photo off their facebook pages and web site until they'd got express permission from everyone. Eventually I relented and let him put mine back up on there.

Remember we have the technology now although it's not issued yet to do picture searching on search engines which means eventually you'll be able to feed in a picture and search which means even without names it could be risky in some situations.

I haven't posted any pictures of my friends children. I leave that up to them. I wouldn't name them either. Haven't named my own. My pics are private and only visable to my friends.
YANBU

linda - I was horrified when I realised (via polish au pairs) the level of pornography that teenagers consider normal these days.

I'm bemused by all this panic and paranoia as well. I am far more concerned about the amount of state surveillance of people than the possibility of some random stranger having a wank.

I honestly have no problem with pictures being on my or anyone elses facebook etc but the fact that full names were there I would have a problem with that. And not because I am paranoid about some weirdo stalking or doing inappropriate things with a photo. Nope for me it is about the real threat of identity theft, the more someone knows about you the easier it is to live your life. No address', no full names, no birthdates etc.

I know because I am a guider and through school that schools etc are not allowed to do this. first we have to obtain parental consent to use any photos on the website, or in local paper, or in displays/scrap bks in school. the rule is, if the photo is used, the childs full name is NOT used. If it is only a childs work,with no photo alongside it, then it is fine to use the full name.

your friend meant no harm, but i would not have been happy either.

Gosh this is an old thread, why on earth was it rehased 18 months after I posted it?

FWIW, I'm a lot more relaxed about it now, I don't really care what other people post. I set my own photos so that only friends can see them.

These threads really need to have a limited lifespan - or start a new thread!