Unofficial preschool policy

[notmyusualoooooo]

Genuinely don't know if I'm being UR or not.

My DS started at a really lovely preschool at the start of the year. He was almost 3, I'm a SAHM and he'd never been left with anyone but grandparents before. The ladies who work there are wonderful and after a week of having to peel him off my leg, he settled really well and is thriving there. He was initially doing 4 mornings a week, which we paid for in full, which has increased to three full days this term, 15 hours of which are now funded as he's had his birthday. Reason for sending him initially was for him to start to socialise with other children, as I think it's a bit unfair to never have him in a childcare environment before school. I was never one for groups much so I wanted him to have the benefit of that new experience.

When the email went around asking about which days we wanted for next year, I asked to increase his days to 4 full days from January next year to prepare for full time school. I was told at next pick up by the manager that they'd noted my request and would fit him in if they could but that priority was given to working mothers over SAHMs, even if they were new starters (after I'd been told when we joined that priority was given to children who were already attending).

Been to pick DS up today and was told that he's is getting tired, asking for me and getting a bit upset by pick up time and could I come half hour earlier for a few weeks until he's used to missing his nap (he was napping in the afternoons still for an hour or two, which he didn't really need because it was causing all sorts of bedtime shenanigans but he is still getting used to the adjustment). Fine, no problem, happy to do it. His well-being is my priority. But then a comment about working mums have no choice but to leave them in all day but SAHMs can come whenever they like to collect so they knew I'd be fine with it.

This is not a working vs stay at home mums post, I have a nothing but admiration for mums who work and juggle childcare. I also realise that I'm fortunate to be in a position where I can choose not to work at the moment. However here's my aibu.

I don't work, currently, it's true. However I plan to return to work in around a year, and as DS has settled so well and is enjoying his time there so much I've been happy to start retraining from home because my work qualifications are out of date. I'm also juggling this with a baby (I study during nap times, I'm lucky that I have another reliable sleeper) So no, my time is not taking up with paid employment but neither am I sat around at home having a jolly old time with no pressing demands on my time. I am flat out most of the time, but I'm doing what's needed for me to rejoin the working world.

How do the preschool know what's going on with peoples lives? You could have caring responsibilities, volunteer, have a disabled dependant who needs full time care, actually work part time but not enough to qualify for the 30 hours funding (which is how they judge if you work or not), have health - physical or mental - issues that mean you need that provision just as much as someone who works. To just make the assumption that people must be prioritised just because they work seems unfair to me.

Aibu?

Just tell them that you work on a placement/volunteer etc...

It seems quite wrong. At the end of the day, you're a paying customer and it doesn't matter what you do with your spare time

Ask if you will get 2 hours discount for the early pick ups that they requested.

It doesn't matter if you work or not, they are been paid for a service and they should fulfil their part of the contract!!

I don't even think you should have to justify yourself they either take your money or they don't but should mind their own business which is to care for those little ones

I get what you are saying, but priority with days should be given to working parents Who’s days they can work are dictated to them.

You should be given the amount of time as in the 4 days as first come first served

They will get the funding guaranteed with the 30 hours. It's a business they need to make sure they have money coming in.

I can see that it looks unfair but something has to give and they have to decided how best to keep in business.

They havnt said you wont get a place, just that they will pritoise in a way.

YANBU. Sounds like they have a bee in their bonnet about SAHMs.
It might be worth telling them that in fact you are on maternity leave with baby and also studying.

Also, remind them that they have previously said that existing children have priority and ask for clarification of their policy.

Yanbu but because before you started they said that priority would be given to children already attending. Your child is already attending now. I’m assuming they didn’t say that the work parents would be given priority. I’d raise it on that!

This is SHOCKING

I work in a private nursery and we would never differentiate like this. Parents are parents. We treat all children with equal concern and all pre yes with equal respect regardless.

I don't get discount for collecting early, but I don't mind that as it's only a short term thing (I think!). Plus with the 15 hours funding we only actually pay for something like three hours a week so I can let it go if it's in DS's best interest for me to collect him a bit earlier short term while he gets used to not napping. He is bloody grumpy for an hour or two in the afternoons at the moment, I've been handling at it home by distracting him - mostly suggesting a fun trip to the park or something until he's over the hump, so to speak.

It's not an actual nursery like one that you could put a baby in or with different age categories - it's a small independent (20 children max, I think, at any one time) preschool/playgroup setting where they don't take children younger than age two up to school age in our village.

None of this is an actual written down policy. They are very light on written down policies apart from the required legal stuff. Its just 'how they do things'. The manager had been there 15 years and most other staff at least 5.

I'm happy with it overall and DS loves it. It's just this one thing that's got up my nose a bit.

I think I see the nursery’s point of view.

I live in a country where nursery places are heavily subsidized by the state but there aren’t enough for all the children, so there is a detailed priority system. The system is known to everyone and you have to disclose all sorts of details, for example the child of a lone, working parent would be prioritized, then the child of two working parents and the child of a SAHP would be bottom of the priority list.

I am SAHP and thought it was fair to expect me to be more flexible than someone working full time. Both DCs got places at nursery but only half days.

YANBU. My dd goes to a pre school that sounds very similar to yours, ds went too and we have never come across anything like this.

The biggest issue is the catch 22 of needing childcare lined up to get a job, but obviously not being eligible for the funding/ lowest priority for the availability until you have the job.

I had such a total nightmare sorting childcare for 2 children for my 1 day a week job that I'm seriously dreading trying to work full time out of the home, especially as we are likely relocating but no idea where to so can't get on the waiting lists well in advance!

It's so easy to get trapped as a SAHP!

I think that's bizarre! Isn't it discrimination when businesses decide to treat one group of customers differently (I'm thinking cake makers for gay couple etc). You're paying for a service and presumably the same money as everyone else so should get the same service. It is absolutely none of their business what you do or dont do out of school and like you say, you could have any number of responsibilities outside work such as caring.

Yanbu to be annoyed, I'm not sure what you can do though. I'd be tempted to just lie and say you work but in a village setting that's likely to be hard and also doesn't solve the problem for other parents

I can't lie. They know I don't work. I wouldn't anyway but as you say it's a village - they know my car is at home most of the day!

I don't know if it's discrimination because working or not working isn't a protected characteristic like sexuality, race or religion etc. But it does seem unfair.

Where I live, the childcare centres are required to give priority to certain families. Children in foster care or under social services orders are first, then single parent families with the parent working, the single parent studying, then family with both parents working or studying, then SAHP's pretty much bottom of the list. Carers fit in there somewhere as well.

I remember, because as a sole parent, who is also a carer, studying full time, and working part time, I was pretty much given pick of the days I wanted before most other families, and was told that if I needed to change days, they could tell a SAHP they needed to their change days to fit.

I think it is fair, because a SAHP may want their child in care, but they don't need it like a single working parent, or working parent does. If it's just for the socialisation, you could attend other activities during the day. A working parent needs care or they can't do their jobs and potentially not be able to keep a roof over their head or feed their children.

Do you really expect a working parent to quit their job, because you want the space?

I’ve always been a working parent but I think it’s unfair. Increasing days/hours should be on a first come, first served basis.

Perhaps you should call their bluff and say to them that as you have now commenced training/studying from home you need reliable childcare so can they let you know ASAP if they have spaces so you can look elsewhere if need be.

The OP isn’t expecting a working parent to quit their job because she wants the space. She’s asking that if a space becomes free she as an existing customer who asked first is given the space over and above a new customer who asked after her.

Why don't you just say you work from home? Problem solved.

Although I do think working and lone parents need it more than you.

Of course I don't expect a working parent to quit their job 🙄 how dramatic. Although why is their need greater than a mine? I need the time to study so I can return to work.

I'm saying it's unfair that working is judged as the highest priority thing when actually they have no idea what's going on in people's lives and that in my view a first come first served approach would be fairer.

I'm disabled, I need the time to rest and recoup. I'd be livid if they said this to me! How dare they?!?!

Meh, our local council ask what your work hours are when you apply for funding. The nursery take that funding request to the council. So working seems to come into allocation of preschool places.
I think the comment about Sahm was more a it’s good you can support your child than anything else.

That's my point @MummyParanoia101 . Why is a working parents need greater than yours? Most people aren't just sat at home sending their children to childcare for no reason.

My close friend currently has awful PND but is recovering. She has a child in school, a preschooler and a baby. She's been sending her preschooler two days a week because she's just desperate for a break, plus she goes to a two hour counselling session one of the days. The other she's using to try to bond with her baby which she feels she's been unable to do so far. She's feeling terrible guilt about sending her DD for the two days.

Luckily she's at a different place so no ones said anything like this to her, but those sort of comments would really upset her when she's already feeling bad (not that she needs to at all, but she does).

This isn't a council run setting. It's a private preschool. We do get 15 hours funded and pay extra on top (plus donations of food for the children's snack time every week and taking turns at washing all the towels and stuff they use) but even if we didn't get funded hours we'd be paying in full just like we did before we had the 15 hours.

Meh, our local council ask what your work hours are when you apply for funding. The nursery take that funding request to the council. So working seems to come into allocation of preschool places.
I think the comment about Sahm was more a it’s good you can support your child than anything else.

This is because some working parents are entitled to 30 hours free childcare rather than the 15 hours everyone else is entitled to. It should not affect private settings.