Do I tell my mom my dad is cheating.

[msfreddo]

I have evidence my dad is seeing another female. It's been going on over a year.
I really don't know what to do next in this situation. I feel my mother should know but I don't want to hurt her.
I also think my dad would disown me and throw me out.

Has anyone been in this situation. What would you do?

Be careful. Once I was in a difficult position when my mum suspected my dad. I wasn’t completely sure either way, but It turned out it was an innocent friendship.

I’m really glad I didn’t fan the flames at the time. It’s so important to know for sure before telling the cheated -on-one.

Is there anyway this evidence can be "left around" or "accidently" found by your mum?

I defiantly 100% think your mum deserves to know the truth. Your mum cant waste any more time with your prat of a dad.

For all you know she could already have her suspicions or already know.

Your dad is in the wrong he should be the one who should be the one made of the consequences.

I find it hard to believe a wife/husband doesn't have there suspicions, if the other half is up to something.

Oh I am so sorry you are in this position, it's not a burden you should have to bear. I would advise you see your mum as an independent woman and not your mother and whether you believe she has the right to know. If you think she does then please tell her. It will not be easy but will it be easy seeing your mum be lied to day in and out? I think that is what I would do in such a circumstance, I would look at my mum as a married woman who is being lied to.

She deserves to know the truth and it would be awful whoever it came from, but it does not have to be told to your father that it came from you.

If he does anything to you as a repercussion of you being a decent human being, that says a lot about him.

If you have evidence, take it with you when you tell your mum, as she may be in shock and then turn to complete denial.

I am so sorry once again that you are in such a situation, it's just awful.

I am honestly hoping things work out for the best and that you and your mum become stronger than ever. My best wishes to you both.

Is there anyway to present the evidence anonymously then just try to be a supportive rock for your mum but seem an uninvolved bystander to your dad? Horrible position for you to be in regardless, and 100% your Dad's doing.

It’s so hard to know OP. I wouldn’t want my daughter to stress over telling me or not and I absolutely wouldn’t hold it against her or be angry with her if she didn’t tell me as it’s an awful position to be in.

Do you know how your mum will react if you tell her? Eg will she go with your dad and disown you and ignore his affair or will she kick him out?

What type of proof do you have? Is it something you could send anonymously? Or does your mum have a sister you can speak to?

@specterlitt

100% with you, best comment.

Op look at it coldly if you can...difficult I know..but what do you hope to gain by telling your mum?Do you want to protect her? do you feel hurt that your dad is being unfaithful to her?Do you have an open honest loving relationship with mum?or do you want your dad to be honest and truthful and leave your mum decently? or for him to stop his affair? depending on how you answer (and I know your loyalties probably lie with mum) then you will be able to decide who best to approach..him or her....or the third option is another trusted family member who may be better equipt to advise or handle it for you,,,,,It is a terrible burden for you to carry alone and I am so sorry you are carrying this...I suspect there is no right or wrong way to answer the questions in your mind but I wish you well going forward....You must feel very hurt too by your dads behaviour...I hope you have someone to talk things through with.

Its very trickly for you. If you tell your mum, your dad will see it as you taking herside. If you tell your dad and he does not confess to your mum...you become implicit in his lie.
I would sit them both down at the same time - and say I have something that is really bothering me and I don't know what to make of it but its tearing me apart inside so I need to share it with you. I'm not sure what this means but I was told XX by XX.
You never know - your mum might know about it.

If you tell them both at the same time, it will avoid giving your dad a chance to cover his tracks and your mum will get to see his initial reaction to finding out that people know the truth.

i wouldnt tell your dad you know, but i would tell your mum secretly, ie an anonymous letter.
You say he would kick you out. Are you a child?

Dreadful position to be in 😭

Talk to your dad first? If he is having an affair try and get him to tell your mum first, failing that I would tell her myself.

Dis own you, throw you out? Surely any decent parent wouldn’t do that? Maybe you and your mum would be better off without him around.

What did you decide to do Missfreddo?

I have been in this exact position since April this year too.Except we work together also, and I was also worried about my mums mental health when she finds out etc. I tried confronting my dad, he admitted it as a one off and will end it, he didn't, so i confronted him again and he denied the whole thing. I fell out with him about it, my sisters worked out why we had fallen out after a conversation with me, and we decided it best to tell mum.

So i told her last friday, and she has now left my dad. He isn't talking to me and still fully denies the affair. I think he forgot he admitted it to me. Its all up in the air at the moment, but I know they will be happier apart. I just hope dad forgives me one day, I know i've done the right thing telling my mum, she deserved to know.

How old are you OP? Can you and your mum support yourselves?

Do you think it is better to wait? If you tell your mom and they break up where will he go, will he have to still live in the house because of the corona virus?

I am on the fence, my immediate thought would be yes tell her but then I had a friend in a similar position and he told and the mom didn't believe her ( I think she did deep down) and she was basically called a liar and hasn't spoken to any of her family in years. If it was me I would tell him to confess or leave evidence out and then if your mum chooses to ignore it then you can't get the blame.

god you poor thing. I would want to know if I were your mum OP plus I would hate to know my child was having to deal with such a big secret. Tell your dad that if he doesn't confess his affair to your DM then you will be left with no choice but to tell her yourself. Good luck.

Could you orchestrate a situation so she just finds out?

This is a zombie thread 🧟‍♀️

Iwas in the exact same situation. I knew my dad was cheating because his new woman had a very similar name to me (so we were next to each other in his list of contacts on his phone) and I received a few text messages that were clearly not meant for me. He realised immediately and tried to back track. Told me someone at work was using his phone and fooling around, etc but I wasn’t that stupid.

I asked two different people who I was close to at the time what i should do. I asked my husband who said “absolutely tell her. How can you watch your mum being lied to like this?” I also asked a very close friend who said “absolutely don’t tell her. What goes on in their marriage is nothing to do with you. And your dad will trip himself up and it will be revealed soon anyway. If he’s careless enough not to check who he is sending messages to it won’t take long before he does something else that reveals the truth”.

I went with what my friend said. I didn’t tell my mum. It all came out a few years later in equally careless circumstances. At the time I didn’t tell her that I knew but when she found out that I knew and didn’t tell her she was very disappointed.

If I could rewind and go back to then I would tell her.

ZOMBIE
Stop resurrecting old threads.
Think about OP.

So difficult! Whatever you do do not do it now. DF will "throw you out" [then where will you go?]. Does DM seem happy with him?