AIBU to have moved his things outside

[TooTrusting]

I've been seeing someone for a couple of months. I was a bit meh about him but persevered because I thought it was me finding it hard to start again after an extremely abusive relationship. I was seeing him once or twice a week. He doesn't have a conventional job and travels a bit.
Out of the blue I received a message from a woman saying she was his GF and he was living with her. She has chucked him out. Obviously, I ended it and apologised to her, I had no idea. I wasn't particularly cross or upset, I wasn't that into him anyway. The thing that annoyed me was he kept asking to store stuff in my garage. This was a bit of a red flag to me, and my WA worker (who I am still seeing) agreed with me. I told him I didn't want him making use of the space, but agreed that he could keep some stuff there for 3 weeks. He kept coming and going and putting more stuff in there, then removing it, but the bulk remained there for well over 3 weeks. He knew it was an issue for me.

When I found out I was the OW I asked him to fetch his stuff. I gave him 48 hours notice. Remember, this man does not live here and his 3 weeks was well overdue and I owed him nothing. Although his GF had chucked him out, he has his own property, so somewhere to move the stuff to. It was over Easter and he was not working, so he had no reason not to fetch his stuff (just didn't want to drive in Bank Holiday traffic). I was insistent that he came and gave him a deadline and said after that the stuff would be put outside. He asked to extend the deadline - knowing there was no compelling reason for any delay I said no. So when the deadline arrived, I put the stuff out. My friend told him I'd done it. I had told him 3 or 4 times I was going to do it. he didn't come for another 2 days, by which time it had been rained on.
He's now so furious he has contacted my extremely abusive ex to shit stir and out of some misplaced desire for revenge says he is going to help him in some pending litigation between us.
Another detail to complete the picture is that he made an exaggerated insurance claim for most of the stuff, so he has not suffered any loss if any of it has been ruined.
WIBU? I gave him 2 days notice and he is the lying cheat, not me!

sorry if not clear - the agreement to store his stuff for 3 weeks was during the "relationship" not after I ended it. And those 3 weeks ended about 5 weeks ago!

YANBU. He sounds like a right tool.

I am glad he has shown you his true colours! Of course you were right to put his stuff out, and as for contacting your ex, well that’s just going to make your ex look worseif he uses that. But you did the right thing.

What a twat.

I'd tell the insurance people, too.

contacting the ex upsets me because I hate him knowing anything about me, and things like this give him fodder to make out I'm the mad one (typical narc gaslighting and deflecting). He raped and beat me and the twat/tool knew that. He's done it out of spite/revenge. But what the hell has he got to feel hard done by about? He lied his way through our entire "relationship", how can he have expected any better?
I told him about false allegations my ex had made, I think he's going to say that I told him they were true and try to get me in trouble that way. As if a court is going to listen to him when he's a proven liar.

Bellend.

YANBU.

How can I find out who the insurers are?

You don't need to know his insurers. Report at www.insurancefraudbureau.org/cheatline/

Out of i interest what did he store? And why at yours when he had a property of his own?

He gave up his conventional job to trade "stuff". Buys at a local auction house which specialises in bankrupt stock and sells on eBay/fb marketplace. So there were miscellaneous things like sinks, shower trays, radiators and tool boxes. I told him if he was going to make his living that way he needed to rent proper space otherwise I just knew my garage would get fuller and fuller.
Then when he did his insurance claim (it arose from a genuine leak in the ceiling which he then exaggerated - he even faked a hole in his roof to make the damage seem worse) he moved the mattresses, bedding and all the junk he had stored under the bed so he could say they'd been damaged and he'd disposed of them and to give him space while he repaired the ceiling. This ranged from fishing rods to bits of driftwood, tasteless "man art", plant pots and a windbreaker. Plus random pieces of wood.
Just man shit, really.

And a large coffee table. It took up over half the garage

And 4 large speakers. And tasteless wall decorations, for instance a big yellow papier mache fish.

No court in the land will listen to him if you say you were in a short term relationship with him and it broke up as you found out he had a live in GF!

I just don't understand why he is so vitriolic. I gave him 2 days to get his stuff and made it. Lear it would be outside if he didn't. He's the lying toad. But now thinks he's the victim and needs to exact some sort of revenge.
Every time I get to a calm place the abusive ex tears his head. And then I go back to square one.

Id just text him and say

'Grand. I'm sure you as a character witness will go down well when its shown that our relationship ended as you were cheating on the woman you lived with.

In the interests of both disclosing everything, I should tell you that I took pictures of all the items in the state they were in when I removed from my property having notified you of this many times in advance, and will be furnishing them to the relevant insurance company after I report your fraudulent claim.

All the best,

TooTrusting'

I wondered about doing that. But will it backfire?

I think it would backfire if you told him you were reporting him for fraud OP, don't try and wind him up or get revenge. Report him but don't tell him.

You're well shot of him and it's a good job who you saw him for who he really is early on.

I just don't understand why he is so vitriolic.

Because for him this is all about being in control and having power over you. That's why he pushed and overshot your boundaries originally. It's why he's so angry you actually stood up to him.

This is him trying to feel in control and powerful again. Logic or reason have nothing to do with it!

Why did you relent and let him store anything there at all when you identified it as a warning sign yourself and your WA worker agreed? I'm not judging, I'm just wondering if you know why you were not able to stand your ground and trust your instincts until it escalated?

Have you done the Freedom Programme yet? Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

I, personally, think you asserted yourself quite well OP to this arsehole.

Onefor I recognised it as a red flag so was holding back in developing the relationship. I made it very clear to him that the garage was a red flag. But red flags are warning signs, they don't necessarily mean someone is bad news. So I made a real thing of it and attempted to limit his use of the space. On the one hand I didn't want to be used, on the other there was space there and it felt churlish to refuse. However, it was becoming an issue that agreed parameters (eg the 3 weeks and another deadline before that) were being ignored by him and I don't think the relationship would have carried on much longer.

I usually follow my gut. In this case I have no idea whether to give him a heads up that this will open a can of worms for him to try to discourage him from further communications with the ex, or to continue to block him (and report him anyway).

And I have done the freedom programme. I did it one on one with my case worker. She is the one person who kept me sane. The CPS declined to charge the ex after a year of investigations.

World class cunt right there.

You're well rid my lovely.

You did nothing wrong. You gave him plenty of time to come and pick up his stuff.

Very odd he wants to collaborate with your abusive ex though. Did he know him before you started dating?

Plink he said not. But now I wonder.