Dream Job

[Airz]

Hi my fiancé and I have been together for 6 years have a child together and both have kids from previous relationship, my dream was to join the Royal Marines which she full supported at the time but due to allergies I couldn't I work on the doors at the weekend and look after the kids and she works as a support worker just started 9-5/10-6 on weekdays we have a mortgage and money is tight have my sister living with us also she doesn't work, I've been offer work as a private military contractor working in Iraq and pay is very very good she shot me down as soon as I mentioned it and that she'd break up with me if I go, it's 2/3 months on 3 months off I don't know what to do as I love her however how can I be with someone who doesn't support my dream anything she's ever wanted to do I've supported 100% even encouraged her to go further. Am I being unreasonable and selfish wanting to go with it

Think about it from her side-‘it seems like you’rs swanning off and leaving her with all the day to day. Yes you’d be back every 3 months but is it honestly worth it? Do you know how difficult it is out there? Being shot at on a daily basis, not being able to speak to your partner every day? Being limited in what you can tell them?
Its not just you that you need to think about, her life will be turned upside down.
Yes i’ve been there- my partner did 2 6 month toura in Iraq when it all kicked off. It was hard for both sidea.

How often do you see your other children? Are you happy for them to have even less contact with you than they already do?

I think with a family, children and responsibilities you would be very selfish to go away for a job like this. You'd be putting yourself in danger and your partner and kids would have to deal with the anxiety and stress and fear of that everyday. Your partner would have to act like a lone parent a lot of the time. Would she even be able to keep her job? A support worker works a lot of hours in my experience, can she do that without you being there to help with kids? Are you expecting to just leave her running the house, looking after your kids, and living with your unemployed sister just so you can saunter off to the other side of the world to follow your dream?

YABU whether you're expecting her to quit her job or not, to be honest. It would be unreasonable to expect her to quit her job and become financially dependent on you while you're not even there half the time, and it would be unreasonable to expect her to juggle work with looking after kids alone JUST so you can do your 'dream job' when you already have a job at the moment!

When you have kids and a family you have to let go of some dreams. Your life changes. You don't get to put yourself first. If you do this you would be so very, very unreasonable I can't quite put it into words.

I've been offer work as a private military contractor working in Iraq and pay is very very good

Mercenary work.

If you went ahead with your "dream" to be a mercenary I'd leave you too

I have always put myself last I left work to look after my step son before my daughter was even born I compromised for her she was never home as always working away I decided to do this not long term was going to do 2 maybe 3 rotations to pay off the mortgage all that's saying it's selfish for me to expect her to do everything with me gone when I do everything and have done for quite a while and no it's not mercenary work

I've decided not to take it however she's split up with me before she goes on holiday to Morocco with my sister for a week tomorrow that I got for their birthday

Why do you seriously want to leave her working those hours, quite possibly looking after the kids alone and still having your sister stay, mind you a sister that does not work? (Did I read correctly?)

Seriously mate sort your home first before leaving. Put yourself in her shoes and think seriously would you be happy if she left you in these circumstances to work in such an environment?

Set plans in place..

Get her help with the kids.. tell your sister she needs to work and contribute towards the bills or make plans to live elsewhere.. make sure she is reassured that you have your both best interests at heart.

It’s not 1 of the safest places on earth to work but I do know the pay is grand! That is an incentive i itself to want to go, but at what expense? Are you willing to risk your relationship for this job?

I think you need to see it from her point of view. She won’t want to be without you for 2/3 months at a time. She will be worried about your safety while you’re out there. She’ll be worried about the effect it will have on your children. She’ll be worried about how she will look after them on her own.
I get that it’s your dream job but you have more than yourself to think about.

My partner is in the air force and goes away for months at a time. It never gets easier.

All that being said, she is being unreasonable to have now broke up with you when you’ve said you’re not going 😳 That’s a bit strange I must say...