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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about our living situation

13 replies

MajorlyFedUpNortherner1988 · 29/04/2019 11:42

So here goes..
Me and my OH brought our first property together last year when i was pregnant. It needed major renovation work so we didn't move in straight away we just carried on living with our parents. Well in the mean time OH 11 year old sister got in a lot of trouble at school and basically to cut a long story short my MIL decided to take her out of the school and send her to a school near ours (which is just under an hours drive away from hers and which we still hadn't moved into yet) along with her older brother. We then had to rush to make our house liveable to move in before they started their new school. I'm now living in the house whilst work is still going on with a 3 month old but that's not the problem...
It's the siblings, they are driving me insane. They're messy i basically spend half my time clearing up after them and OH. They constantly pick up the baby after I've just settled him. They're ignorant to my friends and family. I leave the house and they go in my room and rearrange kitchen cupboards and MIL keeps buying an excessive amounts of food, to the point where i can't fit my own food in the cupboards anymore.
The in laws are planning to move to the area but this has been going on for ages now. OH brother and Aunt live just down the road from me and i was told at first that they will stay between theirs a couple of times a week. But that never happened.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to start anything because all hell will break loose plus my OH can't see it from my point of view and where i'm living further from my friends and family i feel alone. I just can't live like this much longer. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
MaMaMaMySharona · 29/04/2019 11:46

Did MIL discuss moving their school and having them live with you? Is this something you actually agreed to?

How do your OH feel about this? I would be speaking to him and telling him there needs to be a deadline on it. It's not up to you guys to continue supporting, and by doing so you're letting your ILs get away with not sorting it out themselves.

AryaStarkWolf · 29/04/2019 11:50

Why are you picking up after your OH on top of it, you've just moved in together, nip that in the bud pronto.

Regarding your main issue, I would not be happy with that at all.

Hanab · 29/04/2019 11:50

First sit your OH down and have a frank convo and tell him exactly how you feel. It’s just 3 months since you had a baby. Tell him you need space and routine.
OH needs to call a family meeting and talk about house rules etc..

They all incl DH need to pitch in and do their fair share. Ask your HV to talk to OH and tell him you are overwhelmed and need help. Best wishes Op🌷

Butchyrestingface · 29/04/2019 11:54

to cut a long story short my MIL decided to take her out of the school and send her to a school near ours (which is just under an hours drive away from hers and which we still hadn't moved into yet) along with her older brother. We then had to rush to make our house liveable to move in before they started their new school

You’ve missed out a huge chunk explaining how they came to end up living with you.

Gratefulbeyond103 · 29/04/2019 11:57

Yanbu at all. You didnt sign up for 3 children. I wouldn't tolerate this at all.
Tell your oh that they need to move out or you will. Hes massively taking advantage of you. Seems like your in laws also were all too happy to dump the kids at your place and make no plans to actually move them.

NoSauce · 29/04/2019 11:57

Hang on, the 11 year old and her older brother live with you and DP? All the time?

TixieLix · 29/04/2019 11:57

I agree with PP. You've got a new baby that you're trying to settle into a routine and everything is exhausting right now, so you don't need messy, disruptive pre-teens under your feet. Did you actually get a choice in them coming to stay with you, or was it presented as a done deal?

You definitely have to discuss this with OH and say it's not what you signed up for and that there has to be a (soonish) end date. If the in-laws are dithering about their move, then definitely there should be some agreement about the brother and/or aunt helping out. Why did they pick on you and OH if your house isn't even finished yet?

And as PP said, you should NOT be picking up after your messy OH. Set out your expectations now on how you expect him to treat the place. He should be pulling his weight, not leaving all the 'wifework' to you.

Notcontent · 29/04/2019 11:59

That’s crazy - why did your DP agree to this??? Is he from another culture, where this kind of thing is expected?

fluorescentorange · 29/04/2019 12:03

There must be a massive bit missing from this story, no one in their right mind would allow their DH to move his teenage siblings into their house without a long discussion and a time frame of how long it will be. This just doesn't sit right at all!

Original poster
MajorlyFedUpNortherner1988 · 29/04/2019 12:09

Yes i agreeded but I had his whole family sat staring at me waiting for an answer plus i was only thinking it would be short term and a couple of nights a week.
They go home weekends and during school holidays and it's so lovely when they are gone.
I can't go in too much detail about why she got in so much trouble but i can see why she took her out if the school. She started hanging around with the wrong crowd.
MIL has done everything for all of themn to the point where none of them know how to look after themselves. My OH works long hours and does try to help out when he can. It doesn't help that I'm borderline OCD so I have to have everything constantly spotless.

OP posts:
fluorescentorange · 29/04/2019 12:15

Then if you agreed, I would give your MiL and your DH's Siblings a date when they need to be out of your house. This is unacceptable to be forced to live like this, you need to stand up for yourself, this will just get worse.
I would also speak to the two teenagers and tell them just how it is going to be from now on, they tow the line, or they are out. You don't have to have any guests in your house that you don't want.
As I said, unless the back story is, they it is your MiL house or your DH bought the house etc, you need to put your foot down.

LannieDuck · 29/04/2019 12:31

i basically spend half my time clearing up after them and OH

You and OH need to work out some house rules. It's your house, and they're guests in your house. And you shouldn't be clearing up after your OH - that's an entirely different matter.

Your MIL needs to respect that it's not her space to do with as she wishes. You may need to assert yourself more to enforce this in the first instance. How much space do you have in your kitchen? Could you allocate a cupboard and a shelf of the fridge for her's/children's things?

LannieDuck · 29/04/2019 12:34

Also, time for a proper discussion on timelines. But your OH needs to be onboard with bringing it to a close.

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