To be concerned

[Namechangeeee1]

I have a 3 week old baby who is extremely clingy, barely sleeps and feeds almost constantly. I’m exhausted to say the least. I also have 2 other children from a previous relationship. DP and I have been together 5 years. We all live together and DP has always said he sees the other 2 children very much as his own (the haven’t seen their own father for over 2 years after he decided to go AWOL)

DP has just said to me he want to take the baby to his home town on Saturday to meet his friends. His home town is around 40 miles away. He then said he has asked his mother to drive me, him and the baby there. I asked him why he can’t drive (I don’t drive) and he said he was wanting his mum to bring the baby home on her own, while we stayed there and had drinks with his friends. He said his mum would look after the baby till later on that night then we could return home, his mum would go home and we could take over. The other 2 DC’s have never, in the 5 years we’ve been together, ever met any of his friends.

I have a few concerns about this:

1. The fact he thinks it’s ok for us to look after a 4 week old baby while both being under the influence of alcohol.
2. That the other 2 DC’s aren’t invited (there would be no space in the car for them if we went in his mothers car) so DP is expecting them to be sent to one of my relatives to be looked after for the night while we swan off to show off the baby and get drunk. I would imagine the other 2 DC’s would wonder why they aren’t allowed to come, but the baby is.
3. That he expects his mother (who gets VERY stressed out while driving) to drive 40 miles with, on her own, with a baby who could easily have a meltdown in the car.
4. That we would be 40 miles away from home, while his mother was looking after the baby - say she needed us urgently for something?!

I think the best option is that he drives and we all return home sober. I don’t mind him having a night out where we live (we live in a city so there are plenty of options for a night out) as, while the baby is so little and unsettled he really needs to be nearby. I’m not up for getting drunk at all just now and don’t think it’s right for me to be with the baby being so small and clingy.

Am I BU?

You’re 3 weeks post partum from a bad birth and he wants you to leave the baby and go out drinking? Is he actually on this planet. At 3 weeks pp I could still barely sit down for long periods on a hard chair. Was exhausted and barely surviving.

Also if all 3 kids were his would he would to leave them all at his Mums? So already he is treating your other kids differently to his biological child.

@fecketyfeck21 it’s actually fine to drink while breastfeeding. For breastmilk to have as much alcohol in as a Becks Blue (which is sold as non alcoholic), the mum’s blood alcohol level would have to be so high she’d most likely be dead, and certainly incapable of looking after a baby

How long does the 40 mile drive take OP? Newborns aren’t supposed to be in car seats for more than half an hour at a time.

I’m sorry OP I missed the bit about your Children’s dad.

The car seat thing isn’t an issue so I wouldn’t go down that road. In fact I would forget all the practicalities around alcohol /
Car journeys etc. They’re a bit distracting as they’ll be very easily laid to bed by your DP or his Mum. The point is you don’t want to go so I don’t see any option but refusing? Offer an alternative that you all do a day visit?

I'm pretty relaxed about things but I wouldn't do that. How was he planning to get back home of mil was driving?

I definitely wouldn't go if other children weren't invited, could you all go down together and then his mum take you and the DC home and leave OH with his friends?

@MynameisJune

I’m pretty much the same tbh, although I have started to feel a bit better in the last few days. Sitting for long periods is a no no though and I’m still getting pain from the episiotomy. Not to mention DP is back at work so I’m doing the night feeds and during the day I can barely put the baby down to even go for a pee. I’m exhausted.

If he was to go out with friends, I’d rather he went out in our home town though, so he’s nearby if I need him.