Should we be trying now?

[sootspritez]

Will try to keep this short but just would really appreciate some advice from women who have been through this before.

Been with DH 13 years, married for 6. I'm 28 and turn 29 next Jan.

I never wanted children (i adore kids and am v experienced with them but has a shitty childhood) but since turning 26/27 have slowly felt the urge kicking in.

However, I have PCOS, endometriosis, chronic bladder disease and a chronic mental health condition (controlled). All of which may impact my ability to conceive and manage a pregnancy.

My husband says he thinks we should wait to get my conditions under control before TTC but I'm frightened of reaching my 30s, then discovering I can't conceive and then either having to wait for years for IVF or not being able to have IVF (NHS privatisation/criteria changing, unsuitable as a treatment etx)

Would it be wise to start trying now in anticipation of a likely issue with conceiving or to do as my husband says?

I desperately am longing to raise a child; I have a stable job, supportive family and we can afford the expense (well, as much as anyone can).

AIBU to ask if we can ttc now?

I think you need to think about how you'd feel if you started trying and got pregnant right now, versus how you'd feel if you waited but then couldn't conceive. I'm making a bit of an assumption, but from your OP it sounds like you could deal with pregnancy now (as you're so keen for a child) but waiting and not being able to have kids would devastate you.

If this is the case, then start now. But if you'd prefer to have no kids than have a kid now, then wait.

It's about weighing up the risk, I guess.

From how you describe yourself, it sounds like you will hope/expect lots of support from DH through pregnancy and beyond (don’t we all?).
I would therefore be cautious in ttc until both of you feel the time is right.

@rosesaredead that is exactly how I would feel. Ideally yes if I knew I would likely fall pregnant easily I would try in a year or so but I feel like my chances are depleting every month that goes by and it would break my heart to think I missed my opportunity to conceive.

@peakypolly yes I do really rely on his support... It's difficult as he says his number one priority is my health both physical and mental above all which I appreciate and adore him for but a lot of my issues won't be resolved in a year so I don't see the benefit of waiting even though I understand his logic

@sootspritez I wouldn't discount falling pregnant immediately - I have PCOS and endometriosis, got told I was very unlikely to conceive without help...and was pregnant 6 weeks after I stopped taking the pill, even with messed up irregular periods.

It can, and does happen.

If you DH's main priority is you and your health then I think you should try. As missing your chance would clearly devastate you and the stress and upset caused by that would probably be so detrimental to your mental health, not to mention the stress and potential disappointment of IVF

I think you should get a thorough reproductive check up so you know what you're dealing with.

As I've just posted on another thread conceiving is just one part of it.

I conceived very easily inc an accidental pregnancy, however I lost 3 babies before getting dd and dds pregnancy and birth were medically complex too.

Then imo you need to prepare your body for pregnancy.

Some are lucky and don't need to think abut this. Those of us with gynae and other conditions that can affect our ability to produce a healthy baby need all the help we can get.

Remember you're pregnant before you know you are so if you're taking risks to pregnancy in that time you could be somewhat unwittingly sabotaging yourself.

Same goes for dh too, there's his ability to reproduce and produce a hopefully healthy baby to consider too and there are things he can do to maximise this possibility.

Would your DH be happier is if could or couldn’t have children? Does he want a child? Have you spoken about it?

I would but be prepared that you could fall as soon as you start, so you might want to move into your new house first.