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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be traumatised re being told I likely had cancer but then given all-clear

25 replies

Petals23 · 28/04/2019 21:37

I had a test and when the result came back to my doctor I was referred within 2 days to an oncologist. He asked me had I brought anyone with me and told me it was likely I had cancer and he booked me in for a laparoscopy to take a biopsy 2 days later. Meanwhile, I had a further test taken that day, and, based on this, rang me two days later to say this was clear, he would now postpone the laparoscopy while he brought my case to multi disciplinary team meeting. I then got a call to say the laparoscoy was to go ahead a week later. The biopsy came back clear. It's to go back to multi disciplinary now. Even though I've been given the all clear, more or less, I feel traumatised and depressed after the whole thing. I don't know why I'm feeling like this after being given good news. Anyone else had a similar experience?

OP posts:

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/04/2019 21:44

Firstly great news that you've got the all clear. However that doesn't cancel out all the needless trauma you've already been through. I'm no ecpert but I'm.guessing the Doctor should not have told you 'its 'likely' you have cancer if he didn't know for a fact.
Is that what the disciplinary is about.
YANBU at all in the way you're feeling.
Also does anyone else know. As its put them through unnecessary worry, too hasn't it.

ReganSomerset · 28/04/2019 21:49

Doesn't multidisciplinary mean involving lots of different disciplines? So oncology, haematology etc.? Rather than to do with disciplinary as in telling off?

Original poster

Petals23 · 28/04/2019 21:51

I'm not the type to worry people unnecessarily so I hadn't told anyone I was going to this appointment. After being shocked at such bad news, I rang a family member in tears. I keep reliving this phone call and the shock it caused for them.

OP posts:

wtftodo · 28/04/2019 21:52

What was the further test? Did the oncologist say “this isn’t cancer”, or “this test was clear”?

I can understand if you have been needlessly alarmed, this would be traumatising.

Original poster

Petals23 · 28/04/2019 21:53

Yes, it involves the different disciplines. He said to expect a letter this week after he's brought the clear biopsy results to it.

OP posts:

BobBobBobbingAlong · 28/04/2019 21:59

It doesn't sound as if was handled as well as it could have been but I would concentrate on the fact you haven't got cancer.

babysharkah · 28/04/2019 22:04

You haven't got cancer. If you did and it hadn't been picked up it would be a story. Sorry you feel traumatised but you got the right outcome.

Sofagirl · 28/04/2019 22:24

You’ve been given a reprieve by the old man up in the sky

Congrats on not having a terminal illness

Now go out there and do all the things you dreamed of doing and give daily thanks - that’s what I’d be doing!

Cornettoninja · 28/04/2019 22:27

I’m not surprised you feel traumatised, you’ve come very close to having to deal with a cancer diagnosis - that’s a huge deal and your justified in feeling the way you do.

I think it would be handy for you to keep a more of thoughts and questions that pop into your head so that you can take the pertinent ones back to the doctor to ask. Events like this seem to leave people with a lot of unanswered questions and it may help you to try and gain what information you can now.

I’m not sure whether I’m picking up other posters insinuations correctly here but if a doctor suspects cancer that’s what they’ll tell you they’re looking for, of course that’s what they have to do

7salmonswimming · 28/04/2019 22:33

Yes, YABU to be traumatised.

Those who didn’t get the all-clear WNBU.

You’ve merely had an unpleasant experience.

Schuyler · 28/04/2019 22:34

I appreciate it must have been very scary but they had to say what they suspected and I don’t know what else could have been said. I think they approached it quite well. I was told they suspected a brain tumour, had a scan the same day and waited a couple of days for results. I didn’t have a brain tumour and I was obviously distressed but nowhere near the distress I would have felt it is had been a tumour.

Take care of yourself.

Schuyler · 28/04/2019 22:37

I do agree that saying you were traumatised is quite full on though. Upset and distress and anxiety while awaiting results is normal. Hearing you don’t have cancer or any other serious disease usually brings relief.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/04/2019 22:55

Yes I do agree it would have been worse the other way around and I'm.sure op would say the same thing
However the fact remains op has had a shock and bloody needless one at that.

fullprice · 28/04/2019 23:13

I’m not sure what right anyone has to tell you what you are entitled to feel traumatised about.
Also, having sat through many appointments related to cancer.. from initial gps, to all the ones whilst they searched to diagnosis I found that actually the doctors are very careful not to tell you anything unless they are very sure or you ask.

Saying it’s ‘likely to be cancer’ seems to me, to have been totally needless and it was in fact incorrect, unless you asked of course. I would be quite angry about that needless stress. I would be tempted to write a nice letter to the person explaining how mich stress it put you under and ask them to consider that.
I have nightmares and of course, when I wake up I’m happy that it was just a dream but for that while it felt real and I was petrified. I wake up exhausted and no doubt my body will have high levels of cortisol etc as it reacted as though it was real.
Turns out you aren’t really sick but for a while ylj thought that’s what you were facing plus you had to warn someone you care about too, of course you are reliving it and trying to process it all.

I hope things ease soon

bridgetreilly · 28/04/2019 23:15

It's okay to need to some processing time. This is a huge amount to have had to get your head round in a short space of time. It is shocking and upsetting and just because it turned out okay doesn't make that go away.

nocoolnamesleft · 28/04/2019 23:17

If it was most likely to be cancer, then being told it was likely to be cancer, would have helped you to be a little bit prepared if it was indeed cancer.

It's called a warning shot, and the right thing to do. Because it helps those getting the worse news to cope.

Al2O3 · 28/04/2019 23:20

Yes and YABVU.

It is not a perfect world, but over a few days a team of people focused on your outcome at every twist and turn. Be thankful for where you are now.

Titsywoo · 28/04/2019 23:23

Agreed. The oncologist wouldn't have said it is likely to be cancer unless he was more than 50% sure. You got lucky op. Sorry it was upsetting but you'll get over it soon enough.

noworklifebalance · 28/04/2019 23:25

It sounds like the initial test was highly suggestive of cancer.
Subsequent ones were clear.

Now they (different specialists with expertise in each type of test, treatments etc) need to discuss whether they all agree with results given that at least one was suspicious of cancer.

noworklifebalance · 28/04/2019 23:29

I am not suprised you feel traumatised- you have been through an emotional wringer.

I guess they can not do each test without letting you know why i.e. they have found something that is suspicious for cancer and they need to do more tests to find out if/what it is.

Qweenbee · 28/04/2019 23:30

After the initial high when told it's not, your mind has time to process what could have been. I'd say it's pretty natural to feel as you do.

I felt similar when I was given my all clear after treatment.

Nocontactgrief · 28/04/2019 23:33

I have been through a very similar experience OP. It's a very strange & upsetting.
If this has never happened to you, one would naturally think 'oh what a relief.'
But the reality is different.
In my experience, it's just giving it time. It does fade.
However, don't feel you need someone else's validation. It is really traumatic & very frightening. I get it

Sharptic · 28/04/2019 23:33

Agree with previous posts. The Dr has to he honest about their suspicions and prepare you. Patients who are given this information can deal with a cancer diagnosis better. Thankfully the biopsy proved otherwise.

The point of the multi disciplinary meeting is to agree on a diagnosis after looking at all the information together (ie, clinical examination, imaging and biopsy) and make a plan of action. Your diagnosis was benign or clear so that's a great outcome for you.

It must have been a shock to hear you may have cancer though, I hope you feel better soon and glad it was all clear

RosaWaiting · 28/04/2019 23:37

OP I have a similar story

after numerous tests - for something that could never have been cancer in the first place IMHO - the GP asked me to come in for double appointment, bring someone....

told me almost definitely had cancer, told me to tell my mum - in her 80s - because he reckoned treatment could be starting urgently.

I was mostly furious afterwards and it's put me off going to the doc frankly. I don't think I'd have cancer treatment anyway - I suppose I would have been forced to with mum still around - but while I wouldn't say I was traumatised, I am utterly disgusted with how they handled it. I felt like a lab rat undergoing a psych test.

the oncologist was unhappy with it as well. After the all-clear came back, he told me he had thought it "vanishingly unlikely" I had cancer.

The sad thing is, I have heard of people with problems, pain, lumps etc etc waiting for ages, whereas my investigations were all started because I had some kind of virus, combined with stress - and it was all fast tracked.

There's a poster on the elderly parent board who took ages to get a proper plan for her DH with cancer and they seemed about to fast track me to treatment - I said to the GP "are you really suggesting I tell my mother now" and he said "yes, because you will be treated as soon as possible".

ifIwerenotanandroid · 28/04/2019 23:54

OP, I understand about reliving the phone call, because I had a similar reaction to my actual cancer treatment: odd things came back vividly & haunted me.

This is not about the rights & wrongs of what the doctor said to you, & it's not about what you 'ought' to be feeling. What you feel is what you feel.

You faced cancer. That will have impacted on you. You've stood where many other people have not. It's so good to know that you don't have it, but that doesn't remove the time when you had to face the possibility of it.

I'd suggest looking for someone to talk to about this. Some cancer departments offer free counselling to patients & families. Check out charities, too: they have helplines & sometimes regional centres.

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