To not seek help if I think I have Borderline personality disorder

[randomlygenorated]

I had some quite weird 'episodes' when I was a child, when I look back now it is clear I was suffering from some mental health problems although never diagnosed. Although they manifested themselves in a few different ways I would say they were mainly around separation anxiety and death anxiety, I still have these feelings but not as intense as an adult

I've always felt a bit like I don't really have a personality, like I'm just a shell who acts according to how I think I should, When I sit and think I honestly don't know what I like, what I want, what makes me happy, nothing! I definitely have some form of anxiety, I have self harmed in the past but not for years now, my mood can change in an instant for seemingly no reason, one little thing can make me 'snap' and once it does it's like everything just crashes on top of me and I am raging, I have hit and smashed things in anger before, I binge eat, my relationships have always been intense, I fall 'in love' almost instantly and am very fearful of losing that person.

After reading up online it does appear that a lot of what I have listed above suggests borderline personality disorder, and to be honest it's actually a little relieving to read and how it all fits

The thing is I think I'm fine, I think I'm coping with life quite well, I have talked to my partner and although he has said my mood swings are a possible worry, He doesn't seem overly bothered or worried that they're too regular if that makes sense, so I sort of don't really see the point in going to the doctors to possibly be diagnosed with it, I don't really know what it will achieve, and fear it might actually make it worse if I'm bringing it to the forefront almost

I guess I just wanted to get all those thoughts out there and wonder if anyone else is the same, if it's really necessary to go to the doctors just to 'put a label' on it

Happy to answer any questions or go into more detail if people want, I just want to be able to let all these things out as I don't really feel comfortable talking to people in real life and have only recently been thing about this all.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

I think it depends how much the issues impact your life and those around you. You say you think you’re fine as you are but mention mood swings, binge eating, anger/ attachment issues etc- that seems quite a lot to deal with and it couldn’t hurt to get some help?

Is it possible your DP May have downplayed how much of an effect your mood swings have on him/the relationship?

I feel them same about my ADHD. I tick almost all of the boxes so I know I have it, but I've learned to cope with it too. It's nice to be able to rationalise my behaviour and thought patterns, but I don't need medicating

Thanks for replying, yes I think that is possible, he is a very kind lovely guy and it is entirely possible he was worried about hurting my feeling or 'criticising' and therefore down playing the issue

I know myself my mood swings have got more frequent in the last few months, I mean they're not every day, but they're maybe 3/4 times a month at worst

I have a sometime diagnosis of BPD (some professionals think I do, others don't). I remember one very helpful doctor saying that we all have personalities and they're all on a spectrum. Most people will have some characteristics of the different personality disorders because that's what makes us unique but the actual diagnostic criteria is actually totally arbitrary.

There isn't much that can be done about Borderline PD, though, is there? I think DBT can help you manage moods and reactions a bit, it might be worth looking into that.

What is DNT please?

That was my thoughts, that there wasn't really going to be a magic pill to make me better

But then I wonder what if I could be happier, what if there's something I could do that would make me feel like a real person instead of a sort of panic ridden robot!

I'm not sure if it runs in families or not but I think one of my parents most definitely has something similar

A friend has bpd but he went through a real rough patch, is on anti-psychotic meds, inpatient mental health treatment, voices/addiction issues/destructive behaviour/no impulse control. Another has a bpd diagnosis had a real tragic life sexual abuse up to age 50 no parental support or love and a myriad of resultant issues, major self harm, a tendancy to withdraw from reality/depression/anxiety and she's never really evolved or learnt how to 'adult'.

As previous poster says you can't really self diagnose everyone ticks a box or 5 for something labelled as a disorder or on a spectrum. If you feel yours cause issues in living and functioning safely and 'normally' for want of a better word by all means ask gp for a referral but a diagnosis may not be forthcoming. It's a lot different for an adult than a child.

DBT is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. I dont know very much about it, but its what our psychologists at work advise for individuals with BPD. As you say, there isnt a 'magic pill' (if only there was). I think DBT does seem to help some people with BPD though so might be worth seeing if you could be referred for it.

DBT is a form of group therapy, quite often known as STEPPS. I did it last year after I was diagnosed in November 2017. I also privately underwent CAT this year (Cognitive Analytical Therapy) which I found much more helpful.

I've been reading up on this and I'm 95% I've got it, but I haven't discussed my thoughts with my psychologist because a.) there's no 'magic' pill, and b.) it's not a great diagnosis to have, in terms of how it's stereotyped.

Hi. I have BPD and before therapy I’d have mood swings several times a day, rather than a few times a week.

I had MBT, Mentalization Based Therapy and it really helped.

I as diagnosed with BPD about 18 months ago after 15yrs of battling and battling to and fro from the GP, before one locum had the insight to say 'maybe this is something more'

FWIW, the diagnosis devastated me. I was prescribed antipsychotics (a misleading name, I feel) and have spent a long time stuck inside the label of having a 'personality disorder', like all the opinions I'd ever had, all the hills I'd chosen to die on, all the decisions I'd ever made- thinking I was logical, even handed and sane were skewed.
I then fell into a relationship with a horrifically abusive man, by anyone's measure, and blamed myself for everything I was gaslighted over, because, after all, I'm the one with the 'personality disorder'. It's driven me to the brink of life and death and I'm still struggling, even with outside help, to understand IT WASNT ME.
A formal diagnosis in my case, broke my self identity and self esteem.

I was offered CBT (sorry, I don't rate it) and the anti psychotics were more terrible than being 'clean', so here I am. I've gained a diagnosis but lost myself.

The only way I'm surviving is to tread a very fine line of existence where I know I'm 'alright' and 'safe'. I go to work, I come home, every day in bite size chunks.
I can very easily be tipped either way and recognising these triggers and anxieties is key.
I really hope you find support and help. I didn't. We're basically on our own.

I'm not sure you'd find the way many professionals would behave towards you if you received that diagnosis to be helpful. It's oft referred to as the 'dustbin diagnosis' for a reason.

I think one of my parents most definitely has something similar

I'm not going to pry into what you mean by this, but I wonder if you've read much on developmental trauma and its effects? If things were less than ideal at home growing up you might find that fits better as an explanation, and from there to find the right strategies to help.

How are you managing in day-to-day life?

Do you want a 'formal' diagnosis? Do you feel like your otherwise fine? Because the truth of the matter is that you'll either be offered drugs as well as directed to some form of therapy.

It is what it is. We are all on a spectrum of sorts. To what extent is your life governed by this?

BPD (now called Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder or EUPD) is difficult to treat and there's not much help available on the NHS. Very little funding and you can only get the lowest band of PIP even if severe. Dialectical behaviour therapy is very hard to access. A psychiatrist can offer mood stabilisers or antipsychotics in severe cases, and many people with EUPD spend time in mental health units. Long inpatient stays are thought to make symptoms worse.

Many healthcare professionals feel EUPD is over diagnosed, or a diagnosis that is given when other more serious conditions have been ruled out (like bipolar, psychosis, depression, schizophrenia).

Women are often diagnosed with it in their late teens if they present with frequent episodes of self harm, mood swings, impulsive risk taking, attention seeking behaviour, poor coping skills, overdoses without suicidal intent etc. Symptoms tend to ease with age.