AIBU to let my brother visit.

[ZizzyK]

DB called to tell me that he’ll be coming into town for an event and would be spending the night at ours, we live in different towns.
I told DP that DB will be visiting for one night, DP goes there’s no space to which I replied that we have a guest room. Then DP says he’ll be using the guest room as he wanted to do some reading. Then I suggested that DB could stay in the spare bedroom. Then DP says he doesn’t want to have any conversation with DB, that DB was rude to him the last time DB visited us. When I asked how DB was rude DP goes he was calling out to me from downstairs when I was upstairs, DP thinks DB should have walked up to him and not shout his name from a distance. DP thinks that was very rude and he doesn’t want DB visiting.

AIBU to think DP is overreacting?

Your DP is being ridiculous. I take it he doesn't like your DB?

But your DB is rude to have called you to say he's staying at yours rather than actually asking you if he can stay.

Which makes me wonder if there are differences in 'manners expectations' between your family's upbringing and your DP's upbringing....which might be the source of why your DP doesn't seem to like your DB. Some compromise might be needed on both sides.

From the scenario you describe, I absolutely would not tolerate your DP's attitude (and I think I'm the most tolerant person I know ).

My brother would be coming to stay, even if it meant DP moving out (for one or more nights, depending on his reaction)!

Is there a backstory?

I say that because my ex had a delightful borderline alcoholic brother who could be either totally charming and wonderful company or a Fucking nightmare. And it was impossible to say which way a visit would go.

Ex would announce that Bob would be coming to stay and I would dread it. Not just that Bob was often a difficult guest, but the lack of notice for the visit and lack of consultation.

Bob was also a bit of a slob, oddly enough when I started asking Ex to wipe up all the piss Bob sprinkled round the bathroom, instead of quietly doing it myself, the frequency of the visits dropped appreciably. I get that that is less likley to be the case with you though.

I've never heard such nonsense.
Tell your partner to grow up.
Better still, tell him to get lost.
for you and your brother.

Tell DB to take your room and DH can enjoy the guest room to his heart's content!

It’s possible that the OP’s DB has put her on the spot by insisting, but the OP hasn’t recorded the conversation verbatim and it’s possible that he did ask and she said yes. Either way, she doesn’t feel put upon, that’s the key issue here. It isn’t the DP’s call.

Unless her DB has form. My DB is a nightmare to have to stay with us, especially now we have our DDs, so we don’t have him to stay anymore. He has serious MH issues and it’s like having a third child. He also used to shout at our DDs.

There’s none of that in what the OP is saying, however. Her DP’s reasons are petty and he sounds controlling.

Time to swaddle your baby and feed him a bottle change him and put him in his crib because you've got to be married to an infant and not an adult!!!!

Is your partner always such hard work over totally non-issues, because I'm betting he is. He sounds like quite a precious little twat.

Is there something else going on that your DP doesn't want to talk about for some reason? If this really is the only reason then tell him to get a fucking grip.

Wow. I once many many years ago couldn’t stay overnight at my now dhs parents where he lived , because his sister was using both her room and the spare room that night, with an equally stupid reason as your dh. I still think of that story as an example of one of the most spoilt people I’ve ever met, and she was a teenage girl.

Bloody hell your DP would struggle in this house, we're all always yelling up and down the stairs to each other - I didn't know that any households didn't! DP sounds like an arse. Is he controlling in any other way?