Living apart

[paradisehome]

So both me and DP love our homes!

DP (female) lives on farm with brother (farmer, does 99% of work)lives in farm house, DP lives in old workers cottage.

Nearest bus stop hour walk.
Train about 15 min taxi
Village is 15/45 min walk.

I got ME, other illness so eyesight blurry shouldn't drive.I would feel isolated. DP wishes for me to live with her. But doesn't understand my issues, she does but she doesn't.
Admitted to a friend with me not able to drive it wouldn't be fair or possible for me to live there.

Now DP is adamant she won't leave farm, though had in depth conversation with moving into my house, cost of travel to work, decisions on decorating, car parking, being near my mum, our skirts of a town, bus stop 5 mins walk away, supermarket 5 min cab away, friends family easily can get to me, if I collapse I can get taxi to hospital (10 mins) see my team of specialists.
If I am ill, someone can get to me easily, at her she have to leave work being self employed it would be 30/90 minutes then travel home.

AIBU to say stay together but live separately? Does this work?
Mainly due to isolated and health reasons (big spiders is another silly issue)

I understand your issues, but does your DP understand your illness to understand why it would be isolating for you?

I think it possible to work, but farmers rarely leave they life, it way of life, very close family situations.

Has your DP ever left the farm or has DP only ever known the farm life.

Press send too quickly, but how long are you going to be able to live apart, before you get upset and if you wish for a family together? Would assume you would want to be under same roof.

Sorry OP but are you sure it's not the living with someone with ME that makes your DP reluctant to move in with you? Could the house/farm just be an excuse?

Of course, if that's what you both want then what's the problem?

How old are you and are children on the cards?

Sounds like neither of you want to move and there are many practical reasons why you shouldn’t.

If you moved there how would you feel about losing your independence?

If children not part of the plan then - stay as you are!

I would assume you want kids, so you would want, so you would need to consider living at farm, when you got children, your busy, you could get taxis to local town with kids and join groups, and rent your place out if you own it?

That way if things go up the spiral then you got somewhere to fall back on! I wouldn’t give up my independence, Defo couldn’t deal with losing it and being isolated, mentally will destroy you.

if you're both happy to continue things living apart then there's no reason why it can't work, different things work for different people

I think DP has said and asked in the end game, living together and marriage and growing old together.

I wish for children but it not the end of the world if it doesn't happen, treatment not cheap.

DP ex partner had MS and lived together. So no concerns there, I would do my share of housework. DP would cook and do his own washing/ironing.

We discussed while DP doing shift work, and once finish degree and will hopefully get mon to fri 9-5pm job.
DP would be there more, it nights that are a issue also. Weekends together and evenings.

Though I can't give up my independence and rely on my DP. I would still feel isolated. Even though I would do same there as I would at my own place. I can't just pop out, coffee, pub, food shopping, cinema, town, friends 20 bus ride.

Nearest big town is 30 min taxi drive.
Cost a fortune once week visit. £60.00.

Also winter rain lane gets flooded so taxi couldn't get to cottage. DP step dad lives 5 min walk but he is 75. And owns it so will be sold to new neighbours.

Even if I eventually did work it be from home and farm internet is like dial up, 0.5-2 megs it wouldn't be fast enough to work from home.

I would lose benefits living together, I would just cover my bills but no money for extras taxis going out, presents, food, savings, hair cuts, waxing. I would be reliant on DP, she just pays everything now, bills would increase with me living there, she happy to cover, but wouldn't be able to pay for my stuff.

I would rent my place out but maybe £750 but £400 bills my share of increase bills ( I would want to contribute) I would be isolated financially too.

I happy to just go for week here and there and every weekend when DP about. And get lodger in, but would lose money again.

Been together 26 months, and all of DP ex within 2 years lived together at farm accept for one where she lived in town centre house transport near by, shop down road, for good 8 years. So is able to do so, and if it meant moving there, 50/50 compromise.

I am 35 DP is 43.

It all since DP got 50% share of business. DP would most likely see her family more being away, than she does living on farm.

I feel your partners wants you to move into her place.

And possibly was telling you what you wished to hear. I could be wrong, but hope you rent your place and you lived off that money. So in theory had it planned, but if she happy to live apart at 43 I do wonder if she wants more!