Just an observation on perspective

[furryjammies]

I grew up with an alcoholic mother and father, felt suicidal for most of my early teens/20s until I left home but I don't see myself as a victim - in fact I count my blessings every day - although I have had dark months over the years. I lost my brother nearly three years ago - coped because I am lucky to have a loving husband and children but why do some people just go off the rails because of their childhood? Not judging, just asking.

There are different types of people OP. I'm similar to you, been able to mostly leave the childhood behind. There are people who it cuts so deep though that they struggle to find a way to heal. Not everyone's mental health is the same.

Sometimes it breaks into pieces and takes a long time to put back together, if ever.

I suffered a great deal of abuse in my childhood - I don't see myself as a victim either. I do see what you mean - but everyone reacts to trauma differently.

I might have suffered and, like you, count my blessings every day for my life now, but I think I have more empathy for everyone, no matter their situation. Everyone's pain is valid, I try not to judge or play top trump's with my experiences.

Someone had it better, someone had it worse. It's not so much perspective as open-mindedness.

Everyone's pain is valid, I try not to judge or play top trump's with my experiences

This absolutely ^^

As a teacher I am often shocked on parents’ evenings to discover sets of siblings. When you know what a family has been through and you teach one student who is really struggling and having outbursts and you discover that you also teach their impeccably-behaved sibling who has been brought up in identical circumstances it really makes you think about nature vs nurture.

I have one friend who had a hellish childhood who in no way would see herself in the victim role but another who actually shapes her whole life round it - just wondering what the difference is. I think my experiences have made me the person I am.

just wondering what the difference is

...everyone is different. You can't compare one trauma to another. They're not comparable. It's unfair to judge.

If you can't see the difference then your experiences have given you a hard shell around your empathy. That isn't a good thing, but you can't help that as it's the damaged caused by your past experiences.

We are all scarred in some way by shit times.