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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you know you love him?

46 replies

Zoella8 · 27/04/2019 20:42

As the title says ... how do you know you love someone? How? What should I ask myself to get a clear answer ?

OP posts:
JugglingMummyof2 · 27/04/2019 22:50

For me it is knowing that whatever happens in the world it will be better just for having him beside me - he is such a great husband and Dad and is always there for DD's and me. Sometimes when I am feeling extra tired or unsettled I can't wait to get into bed because he makes me feel so safe and relaxed. I know he always wants the best for us - even at the expense of any easier life for him. He is my lobster...

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 27/04/2019 22:51

When we split up tonight and I feel like someone’s punched me in the stomach and ripped my heart out.

Tillygetsit · 27/04/2019 22:55

He is the only adult ever that I am positive totally unconditionally loves me. I feel safe. He is just everything. Took 2 goes at marriage to get it right and am so lucky to have found him.

HBStowe · 27/04/2019 22:57

When I met my husband I felt like it exonerated me of any stupid decision I had made before that point, because if I had done something differently I might not have met him. When I lie awake at night because of my anxiety, I reach over to touch him and I know that everything is going to be ok because as long as I have him, nothing else can be that bad. He’s always the person I want to spend time with, he’s the first person I want to share good news with, he’s the first person I go to for comfort and advice. I have absolute and unwavering confidence in his love for me, and that is the rock for my foundations.

CoolCatKat · 27/04/2019 23:30

*Herja

His voice made me feel like I was warm; he could calm me down in one sentence. I could imagine an old age with him, I couldn't before or after. I would do anything in my powere to help him or cheer him up, as he did for me. Just watching him dance around the kitchen was an excellent evening. I could talk to him for hours and hours every single day about fuck all. He made me feel utterly peaceful in a way no one else ever has. And now he's gone, I realise that no one but my children's death could hurt so much; my dad's was bad but his was like a living nightmare I'm still not awake from. With him I could take on the world, without him it all seems pointless.*

Im so sorry for your loss.Flowers Your post really touched me. I feel the same about my DH. I dread the same happening.

CoolCatKat · 27/04/2019 23:34

*Singlenotsingle

He's always in a good mood, never grumpy or cold. He's kind to people, children and animals, generous with his time, thoughtful, quiet, loving. Never mean or hurtful. Does his bit around the house, cooks, cleans and makes the tea. And he's good looking.*

^^^ this......in fact are we married to the same person.?

I always say to myself that finding DH is better than winning the lottery every day. Cheesy but true.

CoolCatKat · 27/04/2019 23:36

Awh what lovely poetic posts on this thread! Star

RJnomore1 · 27/04/2019 23:39

He’s sat here in his joggers annoying the life out of me and I can’t ghink of any way I’d rather it was or snyonecid rather be with.

user1473878824 · 28/04/2019 01:02

When we first met I walked around with a smile plastered over my face for a month. Now, he drives me insane and we can fight like cat and dog but as soon as I see or hear something that will make him laugh it trumps even the most valid rage. I loved the poster before who said they didn’t have to prove anything to each other - it’s exactly that but I try my hardest at things just to make him happy and proud even though I don’t need to and he does the same.

Such a cliche - I have all these things now - but at the beginning when I knew I loved him, which was a little bit from our first conversation, I just knew.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 28/04/2019 01:07

I was married for 15 years I loved him, but he was a cunt. Its was extreme highs and lows and the lows killed the love. when i met, now dp, when I met him I got this 'oh they you are' feeling. It was like I knew him and expected to see him at some point.

We were friends for a while first. There hasnt been a day where I havent spoken to him or seen him since I set eyes on him.

He feels like home. It's easy. Now, I am not sure if I did love my exh. I thought I couldnt live without exh. Like a hysterical bonding. I know I can live without dp, if I had too. I dont want to, though. I want with me everyday. I choose him everyday.

user1473878824 · 28/04/2019 02:05

@Putthatlampshadeonyourhead I love this

Aria999 · 28/04/2019 02:16

I look forward to him coming home every day and am always happy to see him. The thought of not having him would devastate me. And he's the person I'd choose to spend all my time with over others, anytime.

This.

Amibeingnaive · 28/04/2019 03:01

When you realise everything is just a little more fun when he is there.

That's how it was for me, anyway.

ShinyShoe · 28/04/2019 03:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PissOffPeppa · 28/04/2019 03:39

My friend was telling me about her husband (who died before I met her) and she said “I missed him every second I wasn’t with him. Even if he just popped to the shops. As soon as the door closed, I already missed him”

That’s exactly how I feel about my husband. We can- and do- spend time away from each other but nothing feels quite right. When we’re reunited it’s like coming home. I see him and hear his voice, and I feel safe & calm. Like everything is how it’s supposed to be.

CoolCatKat · 28/04/2019 03:54

"PissOffPeppa

My friend was telling me about her husband (who died before I met her) and she said “I missed him every second I wasn’t with him. Even if he just popped to the shops. As soon as the door closed, I already missed him”

That’s exactly how I feel about my husband. We can- and do- spend time away from each other but nothing feels quite right. When we’re reunited it’s like coming home. I see him and hear his voice, and I feel safe & calm. Like everything is how it’s supposed to be.".

^^^ this

I always thought it was a fault that i was like this, like i was immature and needy, but maybe im lucky!

CoolCatKat · 28/04/2019 03:55

*meaning to be really in love the flipside is you have to be a little bit sad when they are not there.

Singlenotsingle · 28/04/2019 10:19

Coolkat hands off! He's mine! Grin

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/04/2019 10:36

That’s very wise HBStowe and I know what you mean. I had two awful relationships before meeting my husband, one of them my first marriage, and while I don’t think all bad experiences make you stronger because some of them also leave deep scars, if anything had been different we’d never have met, or realised how right we were for each other.

I’m the product of all of my experiences and relationships and knowing myself better because of them I’m a better partner and wife because I know what I need so I’m more honest with DH and our marriage is stronger as a result. I never feel judged, there’s nothing I’m afraid to tell him.

Butteredghost · 28/04/2019 16:00

ShamuShamu
I wish I had this in my life. My marriage is not like any of these at all... I’ve never known any different though and when I read these posts it’s like reading an unrealistic romance novel. I can’t imagine ever feeling this way about somebody else

Same, but I think the "love" feeling is within each person rather than caused by the relationship. Some people can feel that way and others can't.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 28/04/2019 16:31

ShamuShamu I had a marriage like that I ended up fleeing the property, with my kids and sleeping in a sofa for 9 months, holding from my exh.

If you are unhappy, you can change it.

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