What were the warning signs you missed?

11 replies

DantesInferno · 27/04/2019 18:39

So, there are lots of threads here, about arsehole exes, fathers/mothers of DC who arent worth the air they breathe...

Now, these people were once lovely to you and made you feel good enough to procreate with/marry BUT were there any warning signs that you can see looking back on that were too subtle to see then?

I'm just thinking that this could help other people from making similar mistakes?

OP posts:

MatchsticksForMyEyesReturns · 27/04/2019 18:43

I excused the shouting/hanging up on me/stonewalling by telling myself he was stressed at work and by his divorce. I later became the target of all the vitriol and it took me 8 years to get out.

GottenGottenGotten · 27/04/2019 18:45

I believed he meant it when he said the right things.

Original poster

DantesInferno · 27/04/2019 18:51

@GottenGottenGotten
I believed he meant it when he said the right things.
But what were the things that showed he was lying, that you missed? We all believe liars (if they're good)

OP posts:

pessimisticstateofperception · 27/04/2019 18:54

I believed the stories of the bitter ex who didn't let him see the kids.

Now I'm the bitter ex who doesn't let him see his kids and the new girlfriend is the idiot who's falling for it.

BikeTart · 27/04/2019 18:58

He invited me to a party that he was throwing with a woman who he used to go out with but who had lost interest in being with him as more than mates.

She was distraught to see me there with him. And his best friend was furious with him. He was such an accomplished liar I believed him when he insisted he was absolutely dumbfounded at their reaction.

By the time he walked out of the door on me and our DC 20 years later I wanted to die my head was so fucked up.

When I look back and tell the stories now, they're not so subtle but I had never heard of narcissism or anything like that before.

happinessischocolate · 27/04/2019 18:58

Too many to list I think, but after going out with a cocaine addict then a gambling addict and then a drug addict my motto is now if they're always skint there's probably a reason why.

1WayOrAnother · 27/04/2019 19:03

I thought that him not wanting me to go out with my friends was romantic, I also thought it wasn't a permanent state of affairs.
I thought it didn't matter that he couldn't bear to be around me when I was I'll, I've always been quite independent so I didn't really realise I would need him to look after me sometimes, which he never ever did.
I thought it didn't matter he didn't ever cook me food, again I didn't realise I would need him to when I was incapacitated with child/breastfeeding issues.
I thought it didn't matter that he was moody and would randomly stop talking to me, I thought I could handle it because I'm quite calm and happy and independent.

I thought it didn't matter that he had very few friends, cos he could share mine. Turns out he just doesn't like anyone and people find him hard work.
I could go on, turns out all of it matters.

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor · 27/04/2019 19:22

Same here BikeTart I literally thought psychos were only in movies.
NOW I can spot a red flag a mile off but unfortunately it is of v little help to me because I have already lost everything and my life is ruined beyond recovery.
I would urge everyone dating to read the Psychopath/Sociopath Check List, please xxx
I was directed to this 3 years after splitting from exF/father of DC. Literally gasped at each of the 10 items!

minou123 · 27/04/2019 20:08

Red flags I should have listened to:

when he slagged off his exgf, planning to smash her car up. They were broken up for 5 years.
when he spoke about his parents in derogatory way. He lived with them for free and didn't offer them a penny.
spent all his money on weed. And wouldn't do anything that didn't involve smoking weed.
refused to come to my uncles funeral because apparently "you have loads of uncles, so losing one shouldn't make a difference " (I come from a large family, he only has 2 uncles)
would criticises everything I did. Even how to change a light bulb! I thought it was helpful to begin with.

fizzysci · 27/04/2019 20:14

Criticising my ex boyfriend, telling me he was better for me, telling me he'd look after me, telling me he'd keep me safe, being critical of his ex-wife, telling me I was special (bollocks), that he'd always love me, putting me down, that nobody else would want me, that i was lucky to have me, my parents telling me he was too good for me.

ShabbyAbby · 28/04/2019 09:24

Having to win every argument/discussion/row/debate
Wore very thin when he started one about everything we or I did after a while

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