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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to leave my bottle refusing 9 month old for 2 nights?

41 replies

Ilovemysleepthief · 27/04/2019 11:29

I have had a girls break arranged for well over a year, being away for 2 nights.

My 9 month old is breast fed, and despite many attempts refuses a bottle. We have tried loads of different ones. She drinks water from a beaker.

She still has 2 night feeds, I have recently managed to cut this down from about 6 per night.

I'm feeling so worried and conflicted Sad Should I cancel? I know my friend will be really disappointed.

I haven't slept since she was born, so obviously I was also looking forward to a break myself.

What would you do?

OP posts:
melissasummerfield · 27/04/2019 11:31

I don't see how you can leave her if she wont be fed for two days if you go away?

Purplejay · 27/04/2019 11:36

Who will she be staying with? This may have an impact on whether you feel you can go, Its one thing to inflict sleep deprivation on dad, less so perhaps on grandparents. Could you express and give milk from a beaker instead of a bottle? If that won’t work, I probably wouldn’t go.

Lazypuppy · 27/04/2019 11:39

I would go.

Your baby will take the milk from the bottle when you're not there

AhNowTed · 27/04/2019 11:40

I'd go.

Had the same thing when returning to work. Had no choice but to leave her at 3 months and a bottle refuser.

My marvellous childminder was a godsend. Baby learned soon enough that nothing else was on offer and eventually took the bottle.

I continued to night and morning feed and she had no trouble taking the bottle in the day after that.

Good luck Smile

HairHereThere · 27/04/2019 11:42

For a similar issue (just a few feeds) we ended up using alpro 1+ milk at 10 months old as I had to be away in hospital
It’s so sweet and creamy my baby loved it... he wouldn’t take expressed milk from a bottle weirdly but accepted this immediately

blackcat86 · 27/04/2019 11:45

I think you need to make sure that baby will take some sort of milk from a beaker or can adjust to a bottle before going away.i couldn't enjoy a girls break away knowing my baby was upset and possibly not feeding at home

Original poster
Ilovemysleepthief · 27/04/2019 11:45

She would be with my husband, who thinks I should go and if shes struggling after 1night he will come and get me.

I will Express for her to have out of a beaker, but she wont take much that way but it will be better than nothing?

Shes on 3 meals per day, it's more comfort I think for the boob. I feel so bad even considering going and leaving her Sad

OP posts:
pickme · 27/04/2019 12:13

The advice used to be to go away with a bottle refuser. Babies are not stupid and if they know you are there or smell your milk they know the reason is because you don't want to not because it's not possible. If it's not possible they will drink from a beaker or bottle. You husband sounds sensible I like his plan it is a good compromise

goodnessidontknow · 27/04/2019 12:18

I think if your husband is supportive and you have a plan if things go wrong then you should give it a go.

I had to delay returning to work when ds was 8 months as he absolutely refused a bottle. In the end my wonderful mum took him for 24 hours so he couldn't smell my milk and he decided the bottle was OK after all.

Jodie571 · 27/04/2019 12:19

Sounds like your leaving someone in a really difficult situation to look after your child.

I wouldn’t do it, not until I know my child is used to being bottle fed because I’d feel bad for the person liking after them.

Tbf your child eventually needs to wean off your breastfeeds but not sure it’s someone else that needs to do it.

hidinginthenightgarden · 27/04/2019 12:21

I think your husbands plan is a good one. She is eating solids so isn't going to starve.

Confusedbeetle · 27/04/2019 12:25

You should go and in fact it would be good for both of you as it will help her to wean off night feeds. If your husband is will to do it you are very lucky, At 9 months she has no need for nutrition during the night so it doesn't matter if she drinks little, she is after the comfort of the breast. She will not eat well in the day as long as it continues. Your husband can give her a cuddle and a comfort, cuddly toy, beaker or what ever. Good for her and good for you, and big thanks to anyone who supports you in this process. It is better that someone else should do this, Its hard for you as she will try and feed

MustardScreams · 27/04/2019 12:25

Sounds absolutely fine. I left dd with my parents at a similar age who was a total bottle refused and they managed just fine with her. Once she realised boob wasn’t an option she drank happily out of a munchkin 360 and continued when I came home.

Confusedbeetle · 27/04/2019 12:26

She does not need to learn to use a bottle, Yoy would just swap one problem for another

Darkstar4855 · 27/04/2019 12:34

She’s old enough not to need a bottle but ideally it be worth seeing if she would take expressed milk from a cup/beaker. She’s more likely to take it if you’re not there so I would suggest having a trial run. Go out for a decent length of time (say 6-8 hours) and leave him with some expressed milk and a beaker and see how he gets on. Then you can make a decision about what to do.

NannyRed · 27/04/2019 12:40

Please go on your very much deserved girls break. Your baby will not starve her/himself and I’m sure you have someone sensible and loving to look after your baby so you really have no worries.

Maybe this will be the break that will eventually lead to your baby sleeping longer at nights (no point in waking for a bottle or beaker if mums not there sort of thing)

I totally understand where you’re coming from, but at 9 months baby gets fed ‘real’ food throughout the day and night feeds are purely habit. So please go on your girlie weekend, enjoy yourself and hopefully get a few nights sleep.

BettysLeftTentacle · 27/04/2019 12:41

She sounds exactly like my youngest. Knowing what I know now, having cut down to 2 feeds a day and none over night at 15 months (at 9 months I couldn’t even see the light at the end of that tunnel!!!), I’d say go. If she’s on 3 meals a day and taking fluids, she’s not lacking in nutrition or starving. She’s safe and emotionally provided for by her father who will find his own comforting strategies. She’ll miss you of course but no harm will come to her and I bet you’ll come back from your weekend feeling well rested and happy.

Smumzo · 27/04/2019 12:42

I'd go. It might really help to sort it all out. She won't starve. She's eating solid food. I'd go for it.

BettyDuMonde · 27/04/2019 12:50

If she has water in a beaker she can have milk in a beaker. She’ll be fine!

My son was the same.

Blueberrycheesecake1 · 27/04/2019 12:53

Worth noting you will be in agony unless you spend a large amount of time over the weekend expressing. If it's 2 night feeds how many day feeds will you also be missing? I was in agony just dropping the morning feed a few weeks ago...

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 27/04/2019 12:54

She is nine months old, she is on three meals a day, you will be leaving her with her father ( If your husband is will to do it you are very lucky, - why should she regard herself as "lucky" that the man who is an equal parent of their child looks after their child? Confused)...

Go. She will be absolutely fine and, just as importantly, YOU will come back feeling so much better for having had the break. The temptation to martyr ourselves to our children is great but is anyone better off for it? This may be just what is needed to encourage her to accept a bottle and move you both in a more flexible way of living.

SequinsDress · 27/04/2019 12:57

What have you tried to feed milk from? Bottle and beaker obviously as mentioned - what about a straw cup, sippy cup, etc?

While I don't think you should miss out, personally I couldn't see myself going if she hadn't shown she could drink milk from another container first. While she's on solid food and water now, milk should be the main source of nutrition until 1 year, so for me it would be important to know she would be taking a decent amount of milk in my absence. I like the suggestion a PP made about leaving her for a trial period before the overnight away.

FWIW I don't think waking for two night feeds at 9 months is the end of the world, as some PP seem to be suggesting? It's reasonably common and perfectly normal infant behaviour. Even if it's for "just for" habit/comfort, that's part of the point of nursing, it is far more than just nutrition - it's all about touch, connection, closeness, and is the ultimate comfort. A baby needing this natural comfort at night is hardly a behaviour issue.

givemesteel · 27/04/2019 12:59

I would go but I'd try and break the habit before you go before you go. You and dh need to have a coordinated effort, where you just don't breast feed her at night anymore.

Eventually she will take a bottle or a cup, like pp said when people go back to work they don't have a choice.

Aprillygirl · 27/04/2019 13:01

I think you're right in saying the night feeds are probably more for comfort than anything OP, but as she's used to that comfort that suckling gives her she will without a doubt not be too happy and you will not enjoy yourself due to feeling guilty. Have you time to train her to drop her night feeds or drink the expressed milk through her beaker before you go away?

sparklytwinklyfairylights · 27/04/2019 16:24

I think you should go. She will be receiving all her required meals/nutrients during the day so she def won't starve.

Your husband sounds supportive and encouraging you to go, he obviously realises she is his dd too and happy to care for her so you can go and enjoy yourself, you're not abandoning her. Have a lovely time

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