To want to complain about him still!!!

6 replies

piffar · 27/04/2019 10:39

Last year I had a spell of poor mental health, not looking very well and quite thin etc.i had just broken up with an abusive ez, had an abortion and tried to harm myself pretty badly.

I started a new job in this time as obviously I had bills to pay! I am naturally shy person, but I was particularly quiet in this new job. But I thought I made an effort to be friendly to everyone, I just wasn't very chatty.

Anyway I got the impression that there was low level gossiping about me, which was confirmed by someone else in the office who complained on my behalf without me knowing (she didn't tell me what they had said). Nothing happened. The person in question who was gossiping about me started being more explicit leaving me out of tea rounds or saying bye to everyone but me. They would also whisper in corners when it was just me in the room.

I stupidly thought I should make more of an effort and would bring cakes etc in for everyone. When I asked person in question if they wanted one he scoffed at it, and said he didn't eat shit homemade cakes, laughed and looked for someone else to laugh with him.

He also started a WhatsApp group and would say over my head to another colleague things like "cringe look at that WhatsApp I just sent to the group".

There was maybe 15 people in the office and about 12 in the WhatsApp.

Whenever I spoke in team meetings he would talk over me or laugh.

Our manager was his friend so nothing really happened about complaint.

I have since learned that he used to tag colleagues in posts on Facebook about working with miserable people, posts about makeup and ethnicity I am with things like 'who does this remind you of'.

He didn't sign my goodbye card but came to my drinks and didn't say one word to me. I've since left but I am so annoyed about it all now I am not in a bad place anymore - aibu to want to complain again

OP posts:

Pixiefee · 27/04/2019 10:41

I think maybe just to try to move on. He's probably picking on someone else now

Marlena1 · 27/04/2019 10:44

Someone like him is insecure and will probably never be happy. I would probably just be happy that you have managed to move on and maybe let karma take care of him. He was a great lesson to you in that you held your held and ultimately rose above it. That really is a reward in itself Although I wouldn't quite thank him

LL83 · 27/04/2019 10:45

I dont see any reason you cant send an email detailing your issues in case there are other similar problems for someone else who is currently speaking up.

Only do it if saying your piece will make you feel better, unlikely you will ever know what (if anything) happens as a result.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 27/04/2019 10:47

When people complain there must be the reasonable grounds and the wanted out come. What is your expectation or desired outcome of your complaint?

There is probably very little that could be proven, it was all based on heresay and gust instinct. 'Who does this remind you of' isn't the same as 'piffar is xyz' - its difficult to prove. Who ever is telling you things isn't doing it for your own well being. Sometimes I think shit stirrers are more dangerous than the original offending person, they thrive on the drama and like to use others as their tools.

Chalk it up to experience and move on - oh and who ever is tittle tattling …. chalk them up to experience too

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 27/04/2019 12:03

Do you think your current thread goes some way to explaining how you feed, with your paranoia?

childcarecostsconfusion · 27/04/2019 12:10

Gosh what a shit. I would move on and know in your heart that you won't allow anyone to treat you like that again. It sounds like your confidence has grown since so hold onto it.

Are you FB friends with anyone involved? If so de-friend them all! Seriously, it will be a huge help in moving on from this.

Flip