So angry I want to tell my exh what a shit he is.

[biggirlknickers]

But it would be pointless saying anything to him... wouldn’t it?

He owes me 3 months of crappy maintenance (£25 per week for 2 children!!!) Yet he’s soooo busy working (why is he paying so little then??) he can hardly spend any time with them - see later points.

He had a massive go at me for even bringing up the lack of maintenance payments- apparently I swan off on 5 holidays a year (I take the kids away for short, cheap UK camping / self-catering holidays whenever I can) and have £60 haircuts (true but only a couple of times a year!) and I’m too ‘posh’ to ask for benefit entitlement (I’m not entitled to any benefits. I have a paying job!)

He has the DC to stay 2 nights pw but not over a weekend so he rarely spends an actual full day with them (only in school holidays).

He has never taken them on holiday anywhere, but happily goes off with his fiancee on holidays every year (and then dares to have a go at me for going off on holiday - with the kids!!)

He never has the DC for any extra time in any school holidays apart from what he calls a ‘week’ in the summer but has in reality been 5 nights. Once a year.

Now he is getting married this year and going on honeymoon. Because he is so busy with all this, he can’t have the DC for a ‘week’ this year so will have them for one long weekend. Then on his wedding day I have to drop the DC at his house in the morning to get ready then pick them up that evening from the venue. Of course that week he won’t be having them on his usual days, or on his honeymoon week.

Meanwhile, I work bloody hard, scrimp and save to pay for everything (he doesn’t contribute to uniform or school trips at all) and base my life around bringing up the DC and giving them lovely experiences (like camping trips), with no help from him and a heap of criticism.

And I say NOTHING.

Because what’s the point? He thinks he’s wonderful. His fiancée thinks he’s wonderful. The DC think he’s wonderful.

Nothing I say will make any difference- it will just make him even more vile towards me.

I used to think that eventually the DC will see how little he actually contributes to their lives and will reject him but as time goes on I’m not so sure that will ever happen. He manages to give them just enough so that they think he’s amazing. While he gets away with being a totally selfish shit.

I know I need to rise above it all but I just feel so angry this morning.

Surely if he is fiddling his books he won't want a government body delving into his finances as they would pass on any info the HM Rev.

It doesn't matter how much money you have, he has to pay towards them.

OP, putting things in black and white, what do you want from him? What can he realistically provide?

You cannot make a stone bleed, but I would put away the pride and check at entitledto.co.uk, you may qualify for some support even if you are working. And also put away the fear... just take the plunge and ring CMS, the worst you can get is not less than what you are already getting.

Thanks all. I’ve calmed down and feel a lot better. Much more productive to rant on here than at him!

Why are the CMS allowed to be so gutless and shit? What is the actual point of them?!

@Cafelatte2go - agreed - they told me they couldn’t find my ex, despite having his tax returns for the past 15 years on file. Whilst they were on the phone I did a 10 second LinkedIn search and provided them with a phone number and email address.

I would refuse to assist in any way in the arrangements for the wedding day. His wedding, his problem.

CMS. and learn to say no. What’s the saying “no is a complete sentence”? Say no, I’m not doing transportation to your wedding. I’m not a taxi service. He hates you anyway so you might as well do what makes you happy. He sends a car for the kids or a relative. It’s not your monkey, not your problem. Stop with the blame too. You had to go bankrupt to get out of that marriage. Wow. You deserve some peace of mind and respect for going through that. Are you having any counselling? It might help with your self confidence and boundary setting.

You need to learn the word no.

"Drop the kids at the wedding and pick them up after."
"No."

He's walking all over you because you are letting him.

I used to think that eventually the DC will see how little he actually contributes to their lives

They will biggirlknickers. They really will. They are still young now but a friend of mine was in similar position. Son came back after one weekend saying, ‘Daddy is really lazy, isn’t he?’ They are not in contact any more.

Re the wedding, I would take them but ask him to arrange to bring them back. —Sneak in to the room where they are having the reception with a picture of a large ugly fish captioned ‘catch of the day’ and leave it on the top table. —

Seriously, hope you can arrange something nice to do with a friend for the day of the wedding.

Oh and on bankruptcy and mortgages. It is possible to get a mortgage - although you will probably need to find a specialist broker.

Sounds as if you are doing a great job of turning your life around and creating a good life for your children.

Bother - tried strike through but it did not work. -irritating.-

@nettie434 I wouldn’t bank on it, the sunshine’s out arses of most ex’s who divert very little and get away with murder because the kids are so desperate for any attention they accept whatever pitiful nuggets are thrown their way