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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be repulsed by child spitting on table

18 replies

Hairyheadphones · 26/04/2019 16:31

At school lunch today a girl spat on a table so no one would sit near her. The girl is nearly 11!
AIBU to feel really sick she did this? My son is taking immune suppressants so I’m very aware of germs and don’t know whether this is making me overreact. She’s in my sons class and I almost feel tempted to send in some antibac wipes. I wouldn’t be surprised by this if they were in reception but they are in year 6!

OP posts:

InTheHeatofLisbon · 26/04/2019 16:32

I'd be incredibly concerned because that behaviour really isn't usual or to be expected. I'd be wondering what drove her to do something so grotty.

Also, I understand your concern about your son and his immunity.

YemenRoadYemen · 26/04/2019 16:34

That is all kinds of weird. To even think of doing it, for one. And to be so desperate for no-one to sit next to you, that you'd do something that grim.

Original poster

Hairyheadphones · 26/04/2019 16:35

She was told to clean it up and when the teacher wasn’t looking spat on the cloth too, all the children were disgusted by it.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/04/2019 16:35

It sounds like she has some pretty serious behavioural issues. Age doesn't really factor into that. Have you spoken to the teacher?

InTheHeatofLisbon · 26/04/2019 16:39

Behaviour that is so "out there" such as you describe definitely smacks of underlying issues. No child does something like that just because. Is she isolated in school? Does she have friends?

Passtherioja · 26/04/2019 16:49

I'd contact the school and let them know what's happened-they might not know the full story.

Squigglesworth · 26/04/2019 17:11

YANBU to be repulsed by repulsive behaviour. Definitely contact the school or teacher. Wouldn't hesitate to send him with a few "emergency" wipes, either, just because sometimes they come in handy and are nice to have.

IntentsandPorpoises · 26/04/2019 17:15

My dd has autism and sometimes spits. I can see her doing similar in this sort of situation.

She is likely not coping and highly stressed by the idea of people sitting near her. Perhaps have some empathy before calling behaviour repulsive when it can't be controlled.

ScabbyHorse · 26/04/2019 17:28

I'm a TA who does the lunch shift (teachers don't usually do it) and I'm afraid this isn't all that unusual. They sometimes spit in the water jugs or do other gross stuff. It's usually for attention, or to impress each other.

TroysMammy · 26/04/2019 17:34

When I was 8 years old a girl on my lunch table spat in my bowl of peaches and custard which I had just been given. The oldest girl (11) on the table asked why did she do something so horrible and then gave her the dessert she had spat in and gave me her untouched dessert. There was no special needs. In fact she joined the Police Force when she was an adult. She was just a vile child.

blackteasplease · 26/04/2019 17:36

I'd be concerned why she wants to keep everyone away!

Original poster

Hairyheadphones · 26/04/2019 17:38

InTheHeatofLisbon she has a friend. At the start of the school year she had a lot of different children over for play dates but that seemed to fizzle out and she still has the same one friend.

Squiggles I will send DS in with wipes on Monday especially seeing what Scabby wrote

Intents I do find it repulsive, as I already stated my son is immune suppressed and thought of someone spreading their germs around like that is awful. My DS also has ASD/ADHD so I do understand behavioural issues.

OP posts:

hazeyjane · 26/04/2019 17:41

I'm not sure how 'out there' it is....dd2 said spitting on the drinking fountain spout is a thing, as is trying to spit on chairs before people sit down. Grim.

I am aware it can also be a sensory thing, or a reaction to being overwhelmed as well, but even when I was at school, spit seemed to be a popular 'weapon'!

InTheHeatofLisbon · 26/04/2019 17:41

Hairy see that tells me there's something going on too. However, I completely understand that your son is your priority, the wipes sound like a good idea.

M&S do wee packs of hand wipes and hand gel too (mine have germ phobia related to ASD) which I pop in their bags for school. They're about £1 I think.

I get that her behaviour is repulsive to other children, and I can see why.

I'm projecting a bit because there's a wee girl in DDs class whose behaviour is completely wild and she's shunned by just about everyone (except DD and another wee girl) but knowing her backstory it breaks my heart because she never stood a chance with the parents she had.

Original poster

Hairyheadphones · 26/04/2019 17:49

Lisbon they are moving up to secondary school in September and I know this girl isn’t in the group with my DS of those having extra transition days due to SEN/MH. As far as I’m aware she isn’t flagged as having special needs but she does seem to be pushing boundaries.

OP posts:

InTheHeatofLisbon · 26/04/2019 17:51

Hairyheadphones I didn't think SEN tbh (my 3 have ASN) I more wondered about home life or some kind of bullying/isolation. I probably am projecting because of DDs wee pal, her behaviour is a direct result of severe neglect from crack addict parents and a forcible removal of the kids last year. Wee soul doesn't know which way is up.

Original poster

Hairyheadphones · 26/04/2019 17:57

Lisbon that sounds awful poor girl. This girl comes from what appears to be a ‘good’ family.

OP posts:

InTheHeatofLisbon · 26/04/2019 18:03

Hairyheadphones DDs pal is actually a wee sweetie most of the time, she just needs clear instructions kindly given with what is expected of her and she's usually pretty keen to get things right.

I do think I've projected on your thread, I'm sorry.

I'm at a loss as to how to deal with it tbh, would it be worth asking the school if she needs pastoral care?

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