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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I BU taking my friend with me to pick new glasses?

43 replies

uptodatetech · 26/04/2019 09:02

I wear glasses and needed a new pair. There is a specific shop that's only in a city that my friend lives in, and I wanted to treat myself to a new pair of specs from there.

For back story, this girl was meant to be my best friend. I've helped her move flats twice. I've done hour+ trips to Ikea and helped build her furniture. I've schlepped across London with her to go to specific shops/places.

Anyway, I must have spent 40 minutes picking glasses. She agreed to come with me to pick glasses as I need someone else to help me pick so they can tell me how I look (!). I kept trying to ask her if this or that pair was good, but she just seemed soooo bored and spent time on the phone to her mum and then to estate agents. Then any pair I'd try on I'd get comments like " you look like cruella deville" "you look like you're trying to be twiggy" etc Like I get it's not exciting but just tell me which ones suit me and which pairs are shit!

I know it can't have been that fun, but why agree to come! It wasn't much to ask!

OP posts:

DarlingNikita · 26/04/2019 09:40

Not only that; when I see her these days she'll say things like "remember when I had to help you pick bloody glasses" "why did you take so long" "never been so bored as when..."

What a cow.

IME the staff in opticians are very good at giving an honest and informed opinion. They're better than friends/partners IMO, as they don't have a preconceived idea of what you 'should' look like, or what glasses they think suit you, etc. I'd seek their advice in future.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/04/2019 09:43

She sounds rude. Maybe next time she tries the 'Remember when I helped you choose glasses' line, just reply with 'Remember when I helped you move house twice... took a lot longer than 40 minutes!''

Hanumantelpiece · 26/04/2019 09:46

YANBU - if she didn't want to help then she shouldn't have offered. I thought that really was the basis for friendship - you look out for each other and you help each other. Anything else is just being mercenary.
I hope you told her how boring you found helping her move, going to IKEA etc.

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 26/04/2019 09:54

She was very rude and should have said no but I sympathise with her. There is nothing more dull than watching someone faff around choosing something mundane. I still mourn the hour of my life I lost watching a friend choose a pair of trainers - all of which looked absolutely identical to me. I now decline any offers to go shopping with her.

And if she was on the phone to EA during this time, it sounds like she had bigger things going on in her own life.

BonnesVacances · 26/04/2019 09:57

I went with DH to pick some glasses and behaved in a fairly similar way to your best friend, though a bit tongue in cheek. It is boring watching someone choose glasses and I think as your best friend she probably felt comfortable enough to not need to hide it, much like me with DH.

DarlingNikita · 26/04/2019 10:12

There is nothing more dull than watching someone faff around choosing something mundane

It is boring watching someone choose glasses

It's only boring if you don't engage, like this 'friend' didn't. You're there to give your opinion. If you don't want to do that, then do people a favour and don't go. They'll thank you for it.

ChuckleBuckles · 26/04/2019 10:13

Not only that; when I see her these days she'll say things like "remember when I had to help you pick bloody glasses" "why did you take so long" "never been so bored as when..."

I hope the new glasses help you see what a selfish twat she is OP. My mother could come back from the dead and that wouldn't get me to go to Ikea with her.

YouJustDoYou · 26/04/2019 10:15

No body needs a "friend" like that in their life.

beanaseireann · 26/04/2019 10:16

40 minutes for a friend is nothing.
She's not nice.
I'd withdraw from this "friendship"

SummerInSun · 26/04/2019 10:19

I've several times asked friends to help me pick glasses, and I'd say 40 minutes is about average, especially if they are going to be really expensive so you won't change them for a couple of years. They have always participated enthusiastically and given me great advice. But I only ever ask friends who also wear glasses, because they understand how important and difficult it is to get a good pair.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 26/04/2019 10:55

It wouldn't have taken 40 minutes if the person (who was meant to be her friend) had actually helped her instead she insulted how she looked wearing different options which obviously meant the op immediately put them back and tried others instead.

BlondeBumshelll · 26/04/2019 11:06

40 minutes is nothing when choosing glasses. My poor Mum has had to endure much longer sessions than that every time I needed new glasses. It's so hard to find the right ones. Your friend is BU, she got off lightly.

Aprillygirl · 26/04/2019 11:38

She's a shit friend. Maybe point out to her that if she had actually helped you chose instead of putting you down it wouldn't have taken so long. End the friendship, or In future when she asks you to help her with anything just say 'Nah that sounds boring' and let it fizzle out that way.

Damntheman · 26/04/2019 11:38

Not only that; when I see her these days she'll say things like "remember when I had to help you pick bloody glasses" "why did you take so long" "never been so bored as when..."

Wow.. I'd respond to that with "Remember when you agreed to come help me make a decision that would affect my daily appearance for years to come and you sat on your arse and made shitty comments?"

In future just go on your own and listen to the optician's staff, they're so well informed and have a very good eye for styles that will suit. My optician has never steered me wrong and I've been a full time glasses wearer for coming up on thirty years!

JMoore · 26/04/2019 12:20

She sounds awful, both her behaviour while you were choosing glasses and then afterwards. I would not want to be friends with someone like that.

I think some people don't understand what it's like to need glasses all the time and how much effort has to go into choosing the right ones. I am extremely short-sighted and cannot wear contacts. My glasses cost a fortune (usually in the region of €150-200 per lens, so a decent pair of glasses will easily cost me around €400 or more). I usually try to buy two pairs. Finding the right frames takes time. I will try on a dozen different ones or more. Then comes the ordering process. If I get out of the optician's in under two hours I count that as fast.

woollyheart · 26/04/2019 12:21

I think 40 mins is not too long for choosing glasses. I've been much worse - multiple trips to different opticians. I'm not vain - I just want them to stay in place without driving me mad.

Every time she mentions it, tell her you'll never forget - it was important to you, but she ruined it by messing about. And remind her how much time you spent helping her move - extremely tedious and much much longer than 40 mins. Then laugh and tell her that it's ok, you both know that in future there will be no trips to opticians or house moves.

AnnaMagnani · 26/04/2019 12:27

40minutes is ages when choosing glasses. It takes me 20 minutes tops.

However compared to my DH who will try on every identical pair in every optician in town, make me take a photo of him because he can't see himself in the mirror, and then want to repeat it all on another day because he can't decide - it is nothing.

He did this while we were dating and I didn't learn. I still married the idiot.

Comments like 'you look like Cruella de Ville' are mild compared to what I've said to him during these feats of endurance.

ScreamingValenta · 26/04/2019 12:27

40 minutes is not excessive. If you wear glasses full time, they're your most important accessory - part of your face.

I always take pictures of myself in different frames, then go home to browse them at my leisure before making my choice.

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