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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in being annoyed that six couples were late to my son's christening service?

38 replies

constancereader · 16/07/2007 13:26

It was very embarrassing as his baptism was actually part of an ordinary holy communion service, not a special one. They all came in at different times, disturbing the whole place as the church is small with a very loudly creaking door.

Surely it is good manners to arrive on time? About a third of those invited were late, when it all started I thought they had not bothered to come. As things progressed I just sat rigid with mortification. Only one couple got lost, the rest just didn't get their act together.

OP posts:
alicet · 16/07/2007 13:29

Yes it is rude. Do they have small children themselves though? I think with small children its very difficult to always be on time for things so I would excuse them a bit if this was the case. If the only people they had to manage was themselves I think they were inconsiderate to put this extra stress onto you

themoon66 · 16/07/2007 13:29

Not unreasonable I don't think. I seem to remember if we were late to church as kids, my mum used to make us wait outside until we could slip in quietly when there was a natural break, like when everyone is in the process of kneeling down or standing up, shuffling prayer/hymn books or something.

sauce · 16/07/2007 13:29

I can understand your mortification. It is really rude to come late but I'm sure they know that & are probably even more mortified than you! Did they arrive for the actual baptism? Are any godparents?

HedTwigg · 16/07/2007 13:30

yes its rude

but I know someone who was 90 mins late for her OWN CHILD'S CHRISTENING .. and as she had the child with her there was a congregation full of people just waiting for her .. she went to get her hair done

I find that far ruder

canmummy · 16/07/2007 13:30

Not ureasonable. We managed to travel 120 miles for my neice's christening yesterday and managed it on time (we have 3 children to organise as well)

OrmIrian · 16/07/2007 13:30

If so many were late was there some kind of traffic problem that held them all up? It sounds very strange otherwise .

I hate lateness at the best of times but even worse for a special occasion like that.

LucyJones · 16/07/2007 13:31

you are not being unreasonable
I can never understand people who regularly think it's okay to turn up late to things
drives me insane

Original poster
constancereader · 16/07/2007 13:33

No, no godparents!! Some had children, some didn't. I suppose none of them realised that so many others had been late, they just thought they were the only ones interrupting.

OP posts:
sauce · 16/07/2007 13:34

I'm chronically late but knowing this, I would have left 2 hrs early to be on time for a christening, wedding, flight, etc.

Original poster
constancereader · 16/07/2007 13:34

No traffic problem, country church. It was very stressful!

OP posts:
stressteddy · 16/07/2007 13:34

Nope, not unreasonable at all. Why can't people be on time??? Legitimate reasons I understand but just not getting it together in time!!!???)
I had 2 friends who were late to my wedding - in fact they missed the whole service - as did my brother - stressteddy was not amused

islandofsodor · 16/07/2007 13:34

Perhaps they got lost/something happened just before they were due to leave/got stucj in traffic, couldn;t find anywhere to park. Any number of things really.

YABU imo.
Then again at our local church there are comings and goings all the time as it is very child friendly with lots of families taking little ones in and out throughout the service.

What was unreasonable was when the vicar fogot to turn up to my neice's christening.

Blu · 16/07/2007 13:35

It's terrible behaviour. Really really bad and just having children to wrangle doesn't excuse it unless there was an emergency. Rude to you, disrespectful to the regular congregation - and I'm sorry they spoiled your day for you.

I thought Baptisms were always done as part of the usual chirch service?

Hedtwig's friend / aquaintance is ...well, I can't quite imagine that!

islandofsodor · 16/07/2007 13:38

Perhaps they got lost/something happened just before they were due to leave/got stucj in traffic, couldn;t find anywhere to park. Any number of things really.

YABU imo.
Then again at our local church there are comings and goings all the time as it is very child friendly with lots of families taking little ones in and out throughout the service.

What was unreasonable was when the vicar fogot to turn up to my neice's christening.

HedTwigg · 16/07/2007 13:38

oh definitely not a friend Blu .. can't stand people who are regularly late ..I don't think any shrug of the shoulders, self-deprecating 'what am I like?' grin is excuse enough .. they need to get a farkin' grip and appreciate that their actions are pathetic

mozhe · 16/07/2007 13:39

Rude.....I am never late....and that is with 5,( 6 as of 2 weeks ago....but he hasn't been to any christenings yet...),children.
Imo folk should be on time...check out route beforehand...or invest in sat nav.

milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo · 16/07/2007 13:40

I never understand why people are late without good reason such as traffic problems etc?! Especially when they say 'oh well that's just me, I'm always late', the rest of us manage to be on time by organising ourselves properly

YANBU my DD's godfather was late to her christening - I was livid.

Original poster
constancereader · 16/07/2007 13:42

There were no parking problems as the church has massive car park. All but one of those who were late live locally and know where the church is. The only one who apologised was the one who came from some distance away.

There is a family service at our church which we normally attend, but our dates couldn't fit, so it was the holy communion one instead.

HedTwigg -

OP posts:
hufflebranpuff · 16/07/2007 13:42

Perhaps each couple contains at least one person like my dh. Whenever he plans a trip that he's made before he thinks back to the quickest time he's ever made the trip and allows exactly that amount of time.

Original poster
constancereader · 16/07/2007 13:44

We made the godparents stay with us the night before so that there was no chance of a late arrival from them.

I do have a thing about lateness, I am usually five minutes early for things.

OP posts:
sauce · 16/07/2007 13:45

oh all right, you perfect Stepford Wives! Hate me for being chronically late but I always have the best intentions. It's usually for playdates or something harmless & only by 5-10 mins. And I always ring up if I know I'm not on time, even a few mins late.

Listen to me, justifying myself like crazy! Not a good day for me to join in chat. Too upset but I just wanted some comfort!

multitasker · 16/07/2007 13:48

Its just plain rude, and as someone has said - it shows a lack of respect for all involved and the importance of the actual ceremony. Rude rude rude.

Original poster
constancereader · 16/07/2007 13:50

Sauce, late for playdates is OK! Last post did sound smug, but believe me there are plenty of other things I do which are not so great. Too many to list, I'd be here all day.

Are you having a stressful day?

OP posts:
sauce · 16/07/2007 13:53

My dd is in hospital (thread e.coli, etc). I'm supposed to be resting or at least doing laundry, cooking dinner for clueless dh, eating lunch, whatever but I've come snivelling to MN for some reassurance...

Blu · 16/07/2007 13:54

SAuce - but would you be calm and casual about being late for Christening?

I am not always totally punctual, and often arrive in a last minute fluster. But I would be 5 mins early for a Christening or any other 'ceremonial' occasion or something with a definite start time...cinema, theatre, school event, meeting etc.

I suppose constancereader wouldn't have had her mobile on during the service totake messages from latecomers!