To ask ex to move away if he's not going to see our DC?

[HipHipHippoo]

I have DC age 10, 5 and 16 months with exP. We separated when I was pregnant and he chooses not to see them at all. I'm not sure where he's living but he works in the town we live in and his job means we cannot attend community events as he's likely to be there which is obviously disruptive to my DC.

He has also been bringing his older children to the town on his days off (even though I'm pretty sure he isn't living here and his DC live an hour away) - my friend saw them at a park just 5 mins from my house where I take the DC almost daily. It's almost as if he's trying to stage a meeting, yet he has said he doesn't want to see them

His job can be all over the country so I think the least he could do in this situation is to leave the area so as to remove the possibility of bumping into him. Especially with his DC; how he cannot comprehend how hurtful it would be to see him with his other DC knowing he doesn't see them is beyond me.

I really feel like asking him to move away if he isn't going to see the DC. My eldest is about to start secondary and the two youngest are settled here, I've just got a new job - we shouldn't have to and don't want to move. AIBU to ask the question?

I think yabu, on grounds of basic human rights and blah.... But it does sound like you need to talk to him about this and maybe it is an option. I just don't think it would go down well. He sounds like he's enjoying upsetting you

Yabu, unfortunately you can’t dictate where people live.
he doesn’t sound like a good father or person, but there’s not a lot you can do if he isn’t interested in his children.

As an aside am intrigued (genuinely) to know what job he has that means he attends almost all community events and is also all over the country.

we cannot attend community events as he's likely to be there which is obviously disruptive to my DC. Why on Earth not?

You need to stop letting him control your movements and your kids will get used to seeing / not seeing their dad. You can't hide the fact hat he stil exists and yet isn't living with them! Help them get to grips with the reality of the situation.

Yes, he sounds like a pillock. But he doesn't have to rule your world. That's a power you are currently handing him!

Curious if he sees them, he's all over them like he adores them. He talks to them about coming to see them soon, then doesn't. Can't you see how this would be disruptive, hurtful and confusing for the DC?

Of course I can see that. But the alternative is you become a controlling monster who won't him see his kids / his kids see their dad.

If you play at it from a slightly different angle you can stop him building that myth and help your DC cope with their dads utter flakiness!

What I am trying to say is - it is what it is. Stop moaning about it, being scared / pissed off / demoralised by him and start taking back control. You can't change him, you can change how you view him, how you cope with him.

You owe yourself a little bit more belief than some of your posts seem to suggest.