Mum has cancer...wanted to be on my own.

[Aveeno2017]

Background: my mum has had pancreatic cancer for the last 4 years , I don't live in the same town as my mum I live 250 miles away...anyway we have been visiting for Easter and my mum took really poorly with pneumonia. We were told to say our goodbyes...I don't know how she did it but my mum came round...she was in a hospital about 30 miles from where she lives, they have transferred her to another hospital which is a further 20 miles away. There are no trains or buses to get there so my brothers agreed that I come home and go back when she's home, the doctors have said she may only have days or weeks left, I have a child who turns 10 on Saturday and has a disability and I needed to make provision for them. All I've done is told people what has happened anyway my mother in law wanted to visit me I've sent her a message to say I'm sorry I just want a bit of time on my own! Do you think I'm being selfish. Please don't give me a hard time for leaving my mum.

I am so sorry for the terrible position you find yourself in. I've been there, and know just how hard it is.

You are in no way, shape or form, being selfish. You need to look after yourself, and you need some time to process.

Goodness me, you are not being selfish.
Sorry I have no words of wisdom, but be kind to yourself

You’re not being selfish, but you’ll feel guilty whatever you do. I had this with my mom last year and it was hard to know if I was doing right by being there with ds for her and leave my dd with partner and being home with family but leaving her and my dad... it’s horrible situation you’re in

You aren't selfish, everyone needs alone or down time - and you're in an awful situation.

My guess is MIL thought she was doing he right thing, offerning to sit with you and be there as form of comfort. Dont be hard on her.

I’ve had to make the same choice. Once when we thought she was dying, but miraculously recovered and got a few more years.

The last time I saw her she was in pretty good shape, but I still knew it would probably be the last time. When she did finally pass, It happened so fast that I couldn’t get there. I was about 2 hours into a 16 hour journey when I got the call. I was actually relieved. Once she was ready to die, I’m glad it happened quickly. She spent so long fighting. My being there would not have brought her comfort. The day before she couldn’t even bear to have them hold the phone up to her ear. I found out a few days later that she actually waited until my dad finally left her bedside to pass. The hospice nurses said it often happens that way. People don’t want to let their loved ones see that moment so they fight and endure until they get privacy.