AIBU to find my DCs nursery patronising ?

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They have no time to speak to you about anything they have done during the session at collection time, but quite happy to come over and tell me he had a cold. He had snot crusted all over his face today, so they obviously can't manage to wipe it for him.

I've had comments that his coat is too hot or he hasn't got enough layers on. They seem very critical or am I taking this too personally?

The one time I phoned him in as sick , they were questioning me so much as "he was fine yesterday."

I pay for his 2 sessions a week, as his funding doesn't kick in until September. And they were annoyed I am taking a term time holiday. I still have to pay for those sessions anyway.

Are they just judging me ? Or AIBU? I just don't find the staff very positive or nice.

Bring it up with the manager.

None of that sounds normal or nice to me. I have experience of 5 different nurseries over the years and none of them have behaved like that. If you are paying for the space why does it matter whether or not you take your child out on holiday? It’s nursery ffs. We do it all the time.

If I say a child is sick I just get a ‘ah thanks for letting us know, I hope they feel better tomorrow’.

Coming out with a crusty bogey face isn’t good.

I do always add cardigans / jumpers / t shirts to their bags so that nursery can change them if the weather changes so maybe you could do that.

The rest sounds rubbish though.

Change to a nursery with nicer staff mine like to go through his day in minute detail, will just select different clothes from the bag if necessary (I send jumpers and various tshirts, vests and trousers), and will not query it if I call him in. I've previously just said that I was off work and wanted the time with him, they said "fair enough!"

They never change clothes anyway. I did complain to them before, because over winter he had his coat on indoors in every photo. I also taught him to take it off himself but he doesn't alwAys remember.

In theory, as he's still 2 shouldn't the staff to child ratio be less, so that should mean he is better looked after than a 3 year old ?

At 2 the ratio should be 1:4. He should have a key worker who is responsible for his care, his activities and keeping records of his development in the EYFS.
It doesn't sound good. As an experienced nursery nurse we always realised that children could be fine today and poorly tomorrow. And it's entirely up to you as to whether he attends that day or not.

It sounds all kinds of wrong, particularly with your update. I’d consider moving nurseries.

They sound horrible. Very judgemental.
I'd find a new nursery and tell them why your ds is leaving.
How was their last report?

Nope, that’s not good enough. They don’t sound caring or nurturing at all.

There are 2 ways of looking at this.
They may be making time to mention what they consider as important.
At the end of the session you must realise it is impossible when so many children are being picked up to have a chat and let you know how they got on that day.
When I work in a nursery what infuriates me is that we only have a half an hour for lunch and to prepare for the next session, the same parents are frequently late for pick ups. It astounds me how many parents have a relaxed approach to this with no thought for the staff. I imagine when they finish their working day they expect to get out on time.

Sounds very weird. He's 2, and you're paying for a service. Common courtesy to let them know in advance if you aren't going to use it so they can staff accordingly (which you've done for your holiday). Nursery never question my DS being off, just a quick query as to the issue (I assume so they can be aware of anything contagious) and best wishes to get better. Nursery should be ensuring he is appropriately dressed for the weather/location, you just supply the clothes. My DS is occasionally grubby or snotty when I pick him up but I wouldn't be impressed with a day's worth of crusted on snot as he'd get sore.

I'd take it up with the manager and if not happy move elsewhere.

YANBU. I'd consider moving to a different nursery, and letting them know the reasons why you are leaving.

Ofsted level is 'good' from Nov 2017. It's a very popular place but that is more due to demand in the area outstripping spaces. There is a high staff turnover however. A couple of staff seem genuinely lovely and engaging despite not being my sons keyworker. The others hmmm, not sure I like them, but I only get 30 seconds to form an opinion.

The manager seems good, just busy. They have a policy that you have to go for keyworker for all issues. This is tricky if you want to complain about the keyworker, but they have said you have to speak to the person about it first. So fair enough, can be a bit awkward, but I have done it previously about the coat thing and it's improved a bit 😬

Today I didn't get to see my DCs keyworker, due to how they do the collections, another person spoke to me about Ds.

I'll look at other places and hope I can find something for September.

They have no right to say anything to you about holidays or taking time off. Children are not legally required to be in school at that age.

I would annoy me if anyone mentioned anything you have said in your OP. Very critical.

P.s. working in education for a long time and if there is a high staff turnover this is a huge alarm bell!!!

I mean this gently, but have they raised concerns with how you look after him?

Just they sound very critical.

None of it sounds good.
DD’s nursery teachers are generally lovely (we haven’t liked them all). If he’s 2 then you can take him on holiday whenever you like, same for if you want to take him out of nursery for the day because you pay regardless of him being there or not.

I keep clothes in the bag for my DD but to be honest, she picks what she wants to wear. If she wanted to wear a full on yeti costume in the height of summer she would (although we most manage to compromise). Could your DS be the same?

P.s. working in education for a long time and if there is a high staff turnover this is a huge alarm bell!!

It’s quite normal from what I know due to the type of work/pay. Nursery work tends to attract people just out of collage/people get their qualifications and then move on

@TheTrollFairy that’s quite an offensive comment and definitely not the case. A nursery worker is usually paid the same, if not more than a support worker in a school.
In my sons nursery quite a few ladies have been there 20+ years.

@TheTrollFairy what qualifications do they get and move on?

The comments seem a bit pointless, in the sense that they are not constructive. Very odd that they questioned him being sick - DS missed one of his settling in sessions due to having the runs! WRT term time holidays: none of their business. Have to admit it hadn't occurred to me they would need to know for staffing reasons, but when our nursery pointed it out I sent a list of planned holidays and they just thanked me for letting them know (I think it's par for the course that you need to pay for those sessions though, haven't come across any paygo nurseries). I really don't understand how they could let your child sit around with a snotty face or wearing his coat all day - surely it is common sense that that wouldn't be nice?

If your DS is happy there I would raise the issues with the nursery. If he doesn't like it, I'd leave and give honest feedback. Good luck!

You do not need to inform due to staffing reasons, if it’s a well run nursery it should have no impact. The only impact it should have would be for lunch numbers.

@Thetrollfairy I'd be quite unhappy if our nursery was staffed with kids just out of school. If they're qualified but inexperienced I see no problem in that. Not sure what qualifications they could be getting that would encourage them to then go and work elsewhere. I have the utmost respect for nursery workers - looking after other people's children all day for rubbish pay sounds tough!!! Moreover, they are experts/ childcare professionals. They may not know my child like I do, but they certainly know an awful lot more about kids in general than me!

@Witchtower, it's because they sometimes use agency staff.

@NCBabyBoy if it’s a well run nursery then they shouldn’t need agency staff. Agency staff should be a last resort.

A nursery using agency on a regular basis shouts disorganisation.

Honestly you need to find somewhere where ds is happy and you are comfortable with staff.

I said out of college not school so they are qualified/working towards a qualification (I think it’s an NVQ for nursery work).
The head of the babies (I think that’s what they are called) is on around £9 at the nursery that DD goes to.

They probably don’t encourage the workers to go elsewhere but the ages of the people who work there means that they will eventually move on.
In general the people who work at DDs nursery are mainly below 30 (probably mostly around the 21-25 mark). This was the same for all 5 of the nursery’s I looked at.

I can’t really see that I wrote anything offensive though 🤷‍♀️