Partner and football!!

[loveheart27]

Aibu to think that my partner is incredibly selfish for my partner to go to a football match ( think big team Chelsea Man U kind of team ) 3 times in 3 weeks when money is so tight, we have had to break into his savings this month due to being so short on money, here's an example of how it's like when we are shopping I feel I can't put much in the trolley for myself food wise because money is short, if I want to do something with dc I will have to ask him for some money and even then I don't think there will be any spare!! I've worn the same old clothes for over a year because we have hardly any money left at the end of the month, So aibu to be fed up at him swanning off to the 3rd game in 3 weeks whilst we have no money left ? Or am I being silly?

Why are you reliant on him for money?

if he was doing this before you met him and had kids, then you knew what you were letting yourself in for. Im not condning it, but from a sports bonkers family, I know how tribal they can be. Several of DHs mates, frankly, would have been blunt trauma'd and under my patio - never home, always wandering up and down motorways, bindly following team cross country and oall over Europe. I have no sympathy with their wives, they knew this, they chose this life.

So aibu to be fed up at him swanning off to the 3rd game in 3 weeks whilst we have no money left ?

You can be as fed up as you like - but it wont change anything. Sadly.

If it's his money, and he's dipping into his savings to support the family and allow himself to go to the football then it's not really a matter of debate.

I'm a sahm, yes was football mad when I met him but thought we'd at least have money to do stuff as a family as well instead of it being all about him and what he wants xx

I agree that it's his money but I gave up my job to be a sahm so he could carry on with his job most people would see it as family money once you've had children xx

He's your partner not husband and you have up work to look after Dcs? Not a good move I'm afraid?

Do you rent or own? If you own, who owns the house?

But yes he is very unreasonable to spend on something so extravagant for himself. Can you make him behave differently? Probably not.

Get back to work is my first thought!

It sounds like you need to find a way to bring in more money - can you not find a way to work even if around his job?

I don’t think it’s fair to expect all of his savings to be eaten into day to day money unless there really is no other options.

He’s being incredibly selfish but you’ve been rather silly to give up work to look after three children you’ve had with a man you’re not married to . In your situation I’d get a job and let him look after the children . Evening or weekend work would probably be the best .

I agree that you knew what he was like when you met him, be thankful it isn't every week. I certainly wouldn't be scrimping on food or clothing just so that he can afford to go to the matches though.

Look on the bright side, the football season is almost over for a few months now anyway.

He s being obsessive and selfish

Did you ever have the conversation on how life would change after children?

And I hate to say it - get out there and get your self a job and financially independent, at the moment you're being treated like a doormat.

Does he have a season ticket? Can you go back to work?

As somebody who is football crazy, I think it depends a bit. If it’s Tottenham for example, who are in the Champions League semi for the first time ever, or Liverpool who are having a crazy season, then it’s not unreasonable that he wants to go three times in a short space of time if at all possible. If it’s not that sort of situation (eg it’s Man U) and you are hard up, then he is probably being unreasonable.

If you're both a team then the money should be family money.

Does he think it's his money?

Because I do don't think it is. Az long as you both are happy to sacrifice one wage to be at home. Then the money is shared.

"don't think it is.

My exSIL is and always has been like this. Football mad, Horse Racing, Gambling. It totally changing my DD's personality...she has and is angry all the time and always stressed about money. Trying to keep up with his constant demands for everything he wanted.

He would take the money out of the shared bank account to go on an unplanned lads weekend bender, leaving no money for bills or food.
There is so much that he has done to destroy the family over a long period of time and the fallout from it has been horrendous.

He has a good salary for the last 20years and so has DD and on paper they should have been mortgage free but he just spent everything on himself.

He has always put his needs first above his wife and DCs right from the get go.
My DD has always worked but she was with him for nearly 20years.

He has just buggered off(left her for someone else) after remortgaging the house leaving himself debt free and DD up to her eyeballs in debt.

Anyway I just wanted to give you a heads up on what could happen if you choose to stay with the selfish tw*t!

I think he's being selfish but I also think this is about more than just the football. Your whole financial set-up sounds iffy.

if I want to do something with dc I will have to ask him for some money

I've worn the same old clothes for over a year because we have hardly any money left at the end of the month

Do you have any money of your own at all? Child support? Do you have access to 'family' money or is it all in his name? Could you get a part-time job?

No money of my own apart from £20 a week child benefit, his bank card Is in his name although he will give it to me if I need it but I have had to ask for money too many times, going back to work isn't an option for me at the moment either I'm in a pretty bad situation if I'm honest xx

Yes, doesn't sound great to be honest.

Would he be willing to open and give you access to a shared account? You shouldn't have to ask for money every time you need something (for your child OR for yourself); that's just demeaning.

Yes he would i nagged for over a year until he said yes to a joint account, he would still prioritise football money over spare money for family outings xx

But then you did get yourself into a situation without being responsible. Why did you become a sahm if you are cutting it so slim each month. And more sp why give up work when hes a partner not a husband.

You need a proper family budget. List all income, all expenses, then see how much is left over. Of that, decide how much more you are willing to spend instead of save, and divide into three pots - one for him, one for you, one for the kids. If he then wants to spend all of his "fun money" on football, it's up to him (though it's sad if he won't use some of it for things like going out together as a family). But you have an equal amount to do things that are fun for you, and an equal amount to do things that are fun for the DC.

Your relationship issues are far greater than him spending money on football but it sounds like you already know that.

Why aren't you able to go to work?

Married to a season ticket holder for a big club. He goes to PL games (so 19 a year) but not all the other cups as it was too much money and he was out all the time. It's like a bloody cult that I just don't understand. But, it sounds like you've got bigger financial issues in your relationship and he's got his priorities the wrong way round.