To worry about dh never seeing baby

[MaidofMuswell]

Post on this all the time these days but always get helpful advice! So, dh leaves for work at seven and home by sevenish. By that time three month old knackered and often still bit colicky so we are in a dark room settling and dh takes lead with three year old bath and having tea with him. Worked pretty hard to get to point that tea ready for them and baby ready for bed and down by half seven (am crap at routine and logistics) but all works ok now apart from fact dh never sees baby in the week. She’s so gorgeous and lovely with me and in the day but less relaxed and more reserved with him at weekends and honestly think because she doesn’t properly know him. Can’t see any way round this really - his work is not flexible and pays bills and my mat pay runs out v soon, just wonder has anyone been in same boat and either have an idea about better way to make evenings work or experience of how can get easier with time?

We’ve always put our children to bed a little bit later so that my husband gets a couple of hours with them. He’s out 6am ish to 6.30/7. He’s always put our oldest child to bed too. Everyone seems obsessed with putting their children to bed at 7pm if not earlier, but if they aren’t at nursery all day and don’t need to get up 6/7am there’s no need. Our children absolutely love their dad, they have a great relationship even though he works long hours. Our children go to bed between 9 and 10, we don’t get much “us time” but well we didn’t chose to have a family to stay just the 2 of us! Works great for us as a routine and everyone spends time together.

We have a similar life set up DD 3 months and DS 3 years. DH works similar hours plus takes some overtime at weekends. We tend to keep the baby down with us until 9pm so DH gets quality time and I get a shower! Then I'll feed the baby and get her down so we have almost an hour of quality time. Just remember back to when your oldest was a baby. Things settle themselves out and babies is too young to remember. The more you stress the more it will appear a huge problem

This is so comforting to read. I work similar hours to your DH and the others mentioned here. It's my main reason for not having a baby yet, even though I really want to, I'm panicking about being absent mon-friday. It's lovely to hear that with one present parent and me making lots of effort when I am home, I could make it work.

My husband also works longish hours (out of house before 7am to 6pm). Luckily our 10 month old wakes up at 6, so he does make sure to get half an hour proper time with him in the morning.

Agree the month off will help him get to know her really well.

You may also find that when you are back at work the balance shifts - I am due back at work in 2 weeks and neither of us has a particularly flexible job. So we have had to insist on work allowing us to do 2 pick up and 2 drop offs from nursery each (I have Fridays off). DH will therefore actually get to spend more time with DS when I'm back at work than he does now!

Also weekends are your friend! I now make sure to leave DS with DH alone every sat or sun for a couple of hours while I pop out. DH has said it's made him much more confident with DS knowing he can manage him on his own now.

Can you all go to see him for lunch one day per week?
Can he put the baby down to sleep one or two nights per week?
Can he go in early one or two days to make up more time, so going in at 5.30 and coming home at 5.30?
Can he work from home on Fridays?
Can he play with the baby for half an hour in the mornings?
Can he do a couple of longer days and a couple of shorter days?
Can you move her routine so she gets up at 5.30 for more morning time with him and sleeps at 6 as he isn't seeing her anyway in the evening, let the toddler do cartoons and play while you settle her?

These are all fab suggestions - think am, typically, over thinking and time will be the saviour here - she’s still amazed each time she notices her feet so hardly surprising doesn’t seem to remember him much after few days :) thanks for being fab as always mumsnet